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Queries and Agents => Synopsis Review => Topic started by: bapeery on November 29, 2018, 11:38:51 AM



Title: ANIMUS VOX: Saga of the Songmaiden SYNOPSIS
Post by: bapeery on November 29, 2018, 11:38:51 AM
REVISED****

Animus Vox: Saga of the Songmaiden

Synopsis

EMARIE, a five-year-old orphan with the ancient blood of a Songmage coursing through her veins is found by the last of those who can nurture the gift.  She is taken to the Academy where Songmagic is learned and honed. Here she devotes the next eighteen years of her life. Nineteen-year-old ALAN LOCKE is born into wealth, but craves adventure. After accidentally killing a monstrous creature that plagued the region of his birth, he surprises his family by casting aside his birth rite to explore the world for himself. 
A power hungry, body-snatching demon is unintentionally released from its prison after thousands of years. It chooses the Rose Castle as a base of operations. It steals the body of the Queen and builds a corrupted army.
The headmistress of the Songmaiden Academy has a portentous nightmare. She foresees the enslavement of the known world and destruction of civilization without a hero. She calls on Emarie, now 23, to complete the perilous journey of the Five God Shines and achieve the full power of the Songmages of old, known as the Animus Vox (the Living Voice). The problem is that in a longstanding time of peace and the need for Songmagic to remain hidden, the locations of the Shrines have been lost to time. If the rituals required are not completed to perfection, Emaire will forfeit her life. The headmistress entrusts their last hope to Emarie. As guardian, she enlists a Turtle Knight, cursed with immortality, who has seen the horrors of the Elemental Wars.
ASHE, a Bunnfolk dragoon, has spent her life protecting the Rose Queen and training the Royal Army. When the Queen is corrupted by the demon, her first action is to eliminate her personal guard and begin a new, cruel reign in her quest for dominance. Charged with treason, Ashe is forced to flee for her life or die by the hands of those closest to her. She finds sanctuary in the Emberwilde forest.
RADDOX appears in a world he has never known. By the favor of the Corpse God, he has travelled through time to save the one he loves (Emarie’s future daughter) before she is even born. As a sanguine, he has supernatural abilities and must feed on living blood or lose himself completely to the hunger. His quest is a delicate balance between rescue mission and preventing himself from murdering the ones he intends to save. The full moon steals his sanity and transforms him into an abomination. The Corpse God demands payment for favors given, especially the knowledge Raddox gains from each victim’s blood.
At 27, Alan Locke has developed the worldly sense of a hardened adventurer. He meets Emarie and Tortie as they are hunted by a cult bent on the destruction of magic. Together, they overcome this obstacle, but in the process Emarie is collared and can no longer sing her magic. They travel to his home in hopes of finding answers, but instead find a village of corpses. The corrupted Queen has slaughtered his homeland. They must seek answers elsewhere.
Along the journey, Emaire meets Ashe, Raddox, and a hybrid race gladiator who is determined to find and free his enslaved people. They stumble upon a pair of rambunctious twins and a shapeshifting Viking of the Emberwild who is next in line to rule her tribe. They incidentally find the first shrine in the forest and the second in a crack between worlds and harbor of nightmares. Each ritual bolsters Emarie’s abilities. Chased by the Queen’s empowered minions, they can never stay in one place for long.
The guidance of a sea-witch sends the group to a long-forgotten Monastery of Kitsune monks. They have the power to control the wind and incidentally harbor the third shrine. While Emarie and Locke overcome the trials necessary to complete the ritual, the Songmaiden Academy is destroyed, her peers are murdered, and the corrupting demon trades the Queen’s body for a much stronger host. Worse still, it has learned of Emarie’s existence and is now determined to eliminate the last Songmaiden or steal her form and abilities. It enlists the exiled tribes from the North to forge a larger, stronger army. 
Emarie returns after completing the trial to find the Monastery is under siege. At the last moment, she and her companions are whisked away to safety. They meet new allies in those who rebel against the corrupted crown and take back the Rose Castle. 
With reinforcements from the North, the demon marches against the heroes and those brave enough to stand against impossible odds. The final battle arrives and Emarie still has two shrines to go before unlocking her full power as a Songmage. Will it be enough or will Headmistress’s nightmare become a reality?


Title: Re: ANIMUS VOX: Saga of the Songmaiden SYNOPSIS
Post by: Alisun on December 22, 2018, 10:17:01 AM
Hi, I have a few suggestions. In general it sounds like you've created some very interesting stories all interweaved into one quite original book.

Alan Locke WAS born into wealth (he's 19 now!)
I think the power-hungry demon is out of place. It's a lot to keep track of already, actually so is Alan Locke. Can we stay focused on Emarie and the Songmagic Academy? Or maybe move down the part about the demon to just before you introduce Ashe? Also maybe reduce the jargon, no idea what a Bunnfolk dragoon is. But then, I'm not really a fantasy reader, so that may be the problem too.

I LOVE "cursed with immortality." I agree that would be a curse.
I love the name: Living Voice/ Animus Vox. Beautiful.

In general, it has a LOT of different moving pieces. I'd focus on one overarching story arc and see how you can fit the subplots (only those really essential to the story) in with it. Think of the main plot as the xmas tree, and the subplots as little ornaments you hang on the branches. But make sure they are in the right place, and that they are self-contained on the one branch. Make sense?

Also, I've heard that agents aren't big fans of hypothetical questions... you might want to try to end it a different way.

Good luck! sounds like a very exciting and intricate story.