Hi there, What an intense story! You've done a good job here--these synopses are not easy!
I've made several suggestions for cuts, clarifications and some tightening. I hope it helps.
About to start her senior year of high school, the first in her family to do so, LAUREL BLUE STONE, (17), is a Zuni Native American, the only child of late in life parents. Eager to make them proud, she promises she will go on to college. This beginning seems a bit clunky to me. I wonder if you could re-phrase to be a little more lively and set out the stakes for Laurel a bit more. Something like: Laurel Blue Stone is on the brink of a rosy future. She's about to start her senior year in high school, the first in her family to make it that far, and is looking forward to going to college. Her parents couldn't be more proud of their only daughter. (or something--that's probably not it, but set the stage for what's coming next) W But w
hen a young Navajo named REDDINGTON CORNUDAS convinces Laurelís parents that his father saved Mr. Blue Stoneís life in Vietnam, they agree to let him date Laurel
and they are therefore beholden to Cornudas, he insists he be allowed to date Laurel . D, d
espite her protests that Reddington Cornudas has bad medicine and frightens her
, . They seem totally and
unaware of his drug use and brushes with the law
, her parents insist she go out with him.
, thinking her parents no longer love her, by her parent's insistence that she date someone she doesn't want to, Laurel she
runs to the New Mexican hills and her favorite mesa to the north of her pueblo.
Laurel meets There, she meets
salt-of-the-earth CAL TRILLIG, (21), a cave inspector on a mesa on her reservation. They click immediately but when she tells him she cannot date a white man, he goes to the Zuni Pueblo to plead his case to her parents. Polite but adamant; permission is denied. DINAH BLACKBEAR, Laurelís best friend since they were toddlers,
has been in love with Laurel for years,
becomes Calís ally and acts as go-between for them while also acting as unwilling chaperone for Laurel and Cornudas. Angry that
she must be a part of this and angry that
each date ends in a wrestling match between Laurel and Cornudas, Dinah
to protect Laurel
and respect while also respecting
her elders. *I would cut out the fact that Dinah has been in love with Laurel for years. It's confusing that she then acts as a go-between (why would she want to help Cal if she loves Laurel?). For the synopsis, I'd keep it simple--best friend--and let the complexities of their friendship reveal themselves when pages are requested
At a dinner out celebrating Laurelís 18th birthday, her parents
are shocked to
witness the verbal and physical abuse from Reddington Cornudas
aimed at their daughter
that they had thought
was fabricating to get out of dating him
so they wouldnít insist she date him
Dinah has pre-arranged with Cal for him to arrive at the restaurant hoping Laurelís parents will see by comparison that Cal is the man for Laurel. (I don't think you need this here--it clutters the main gist of this part of the story)
The police are called and
when violence erupts at the Blue Stone table. When he disregards a restraining order,
Reddington Cornudas goes to jail
spends more time behind bars
When prison overcrowding forces him out, he robs a bank leaving behind two dead bodies.
Laurelís parents realize their daughter and Cal love each other and he will never mistreat her. They accept him into the family as a son-in-law and he and Laurel move 300 miles away for her to attend college and hopefully have no further run-ins with Cornudas. Laurel is commissioned to make 50 pieces of traditional Native American pottery and struggles to do that while keeping up with school work and her track and field responsibilities.
Cornudasí meth habit is out of control, as is his penchant for hatred and violence. While being transported from one police facility to another, he overpowers the officer and escapes in the police car. He finds Laurel, destroys her pottery, shoots and abducts her. Wounded and
blind, Laurel is forced to walk through the desert at gunpoint. Her will to live sustains her through the hot desert days and cold nights without food or water and the constant torture from Cornudas.
The bullet fragment in Laurelís skull shifts when she falls and hits her head on a large rock, and her vision returns, sending her hopes for escape soaring. When Laurel attempts to make a run for the highway, Cornudas shoots her in the leg.
Cal and Dinah join forces when the local authorities canít find Laurel
utting her tracking skills and his caving expertise to use,
searching they search
the desert and caves for her. During another torture session, Laurel manages to mortally wound Cornudas and build a large fire to keep the buzzards away. Night falls in the desert and Cal and Dinah are drawn to Laurelís fire. Ecstatic at being reunited, the trio head for the nearest medical center.