THE STORY OF LAUREL BLUE STONE - Contemporary YA - SYNOPSIS -PLEASE HELP!

[Zooks]

Would really appreciate your help with this.  Thanks in advance.

THE STORY OF LAUREL BLUE STONE – SYNOPSIS

About to start her senior year of high school, the first in her family to do so, LAUREL BLUE STONE, (17), is a Zuni Native American, the only child of late in life parents.  Eager to make them proud, she promises she will go on to college.  When a young Navajo named REDDINGTON CORNUDAS convinces Laurel’s parents that his father saved Mr. Blue Stone’s life in Vietnam and they are therefore beholden to Cornudas, he insists he be allowed to date Laurel. Despite her protests that Reddington Cornudas has bad medicine and frightens her, and unaware of his drug use and brushes with the law, her parents insist she go out with him.  Heartbroken, thinking her parents no longer love her, she runs to the New Mexican hills and her favorite mesa to the north of her pueblo.
Laurel meets salt-of-the-earth CAL TRILLIG, (21), a cave inspector on a mesa on her reservation.  They click immediately but when she tells him she cannot date a white man, he goes to the Zuni Pueblo to plead his case to her parents.  Polite but adamant; permission is denied. DINAH BLACKBEAR, Laurel’s best friend since they were toddlers, has been in love with Laurel for years, becomes Cal’s ally and acts as go-between for them while also acting as unwilling chaperone for Laurel and Cornudas.  Angry that she must be a part of this and angry that each date ends in a wrestling match between Laurel and Cornudas, Dinah forges on, to protect Laurel and respect her elders.

At a dinner out celebrating Laurel’s 18th birthday, her parents are shocked to witness the verbal and physical abuse from Reddington Cornudas aimed at their daughter that they had thought she was fabricating so they wouldn’t insist she date him. Dinah has pre-arranged with Cal for him to arrive at the restaurant hoping Laurel’s parents will see by comparison that Cal is the man for Laurel.  The police are called when violence erupts at the Blue Stone table. When he disregards a restraining order, Reddington Cornudas spends more time behind bars. When prison overcrowding forces him out, he robs a bank leaving behind two dead bodies.

Laurel’s parents realize their daughter and Cal love each other and he will never mistreat her. They accept him into the family as a son-in-law and he and Laurel move 300 miles away for her to attend college and hopefully have no further run-ins with Cornudas.  Laurel is commissioned to make 50 pieces of traditional Native American pottery and struggles to do that while keeping up with school work and her track and field responsibilities.  Cornudas’ meth habit is out of control, as is his penchant for hatred and violence. While being transported from one police facility to another, he overpowers the officer and escapes in the police car.  He finds Laurel, destroys her pottery, shoots and abducts her.  Wounded and temporarily blind, Laurel is forced to walk through the desert at gunpoint. Her will to live sustains her through the hot desert days and cold nights without food or water and the constant torture from Cornudas.

The bullet fragment in Laurel’s skull shifts when she falls and hits her head on a large rock, and her vision returns, sending her hopes for escape soaring.  When Laurel attempts to make a run for the highway, Cornudas shoots her in the leg.  Cal and Dinah join forces when the local authorities can’t find Laurel, putting her tracking skills and his caving expertise to use, searching the desert and caves for her. During another torture session, Laurel manages to mortally wound Cornudas and builds a large fire to keep the buzzards away.  Night falls in the desert and Cal and Dinah are drawn to Laurel’s fire.  Ecstatic at being reunited, the trio head for the nearest medical center.

[heathwriter]

Hi there, What an intense story! You've done a good job here--these synopses are not easy!  
I've made several suggestions for cuts, clarifications and some tightening. I hope it helps.

About to start her senior year of high school, the first in her family to do so, LAUREL BLUE STONE, (17), is a Zuni Native American, the only child of late in life parents.  Eager to make them proud, she promises she will go on to college.  This beginning seems a bit clunky to me. I wonder if you could re-phrase to be a little more lively and set out the stakes for Laurel a bit more. Something like: Laurel Blue Stone is on the brink of a rosy future. She's about to start her senior year in high school, the first in her family to make it that far, and is looking forward to going to college. Her parents couldn't be more proud of their only daughter. (or something--that's probably not it, but set the stage for what's coming next)W But when a young Navajo named REDDINGTON CORNUDAS convinces Laurel’s parents that his father saved Mr. Blue Stone’s life in Vietnam, they agree to let him date Laurel and they are therefore beholden to Cornudas, he insists he be allowed to date Laurel. D, despite her protests that Reddington Cornudas has bad medicine and frightens her, . They seem totally and unaware of his drug use and brushes with the law, her parents insist she go out with him.  Heartbroken, thinking her parents no longer love her, by her parent's insistence that she date someone she doesn't want to, Laurelshe runs to the New Mexican hills and her favorite mesa to the north of her pueblo.

Laurel meets There, she meets salt-of-the-earth CAL TRILLIG, (21), a cave inspector on a mesa on her reservation.  They click immediately but when she tells him she cannot date a white man, he goes to the Zuni Pueblo to plead his case to her parents.  Polite but adamant; permission is denied. DINAH BLACKBEAR, Laurel’s best friend since they were toddlers, has been in love with Laurel for years, becomes Cal’s ally and acts as go-between for them while also acting as unwilling chaperone for Laurel and Cornudas. Angry that she must be a part of this and angry that each date ends in a wrestling match between Laurel and Cornudas, Dinah forges on,tries to protect Laurel and respect while also respecting her elders. *I would cut out the fact that Dinah has been in love with Laurel for years. It's confusing that she then acts as a go-between (why would she want to help Cal if she loves Laurel?). For the synopsis, I'd keep it simple--best friend--and let the complexities of their friendship reveal themselves when pages are requested

At a dinner out celebrating Laurel’s 18th birthday, her parents are shocked to witness the verbal and physical abuse from Reddington Cornudas aimed at their daughter that they had thought she Laurel was fabricating to get out of dating himso they wouldn’t insist she date him. Dinah has pre-arranged with Cal for him to arrive at the restaurant hoping Laurel’s parents will see by comparison that Cal is the man for Laurel.  (I don't think you need this here--it clutters the main gist of this part of the story) The police are called and when violence erupts at the Blue Stone table. When he disregards a restraining order, Reddington Cornudas goes to jail spends more time behind bars. When prison overcrowding forces him out, he robs a bank leaving behind two dead bodies.

Laurel’s parents realize their daughter and Cal love each other and he will never mistreat her. They accept him into the family as a son-in-law and he and Laurel move 300 miles away for her to attend college and hopefully have no further run-ins with Cornudas.  Laurel is commissioned to make 50 pieces of traditional Native American pottery and struggles to do that while keeping up with school work and her track and field responsibilities. 

Cornudas’ meth habit is out of control, as is his penchant for hatred and violence. While being transported from one police facility to another, he overpowers the officer and escapes in the police car.  He finds Laurel, destroys her pottery, shoots and abducts her.  Wounded and temporarily blind, Laurel is forced to walk through the desert at gunpoint. Her will to live sustains her through the hot desert days and cold nights without food or water and the constant torture from Cornudas.

The bullet fragment in Laurel’s skull shifts when she falls and hits her head on a large rock, and her vision returns, sending her hopes for escape soaring.  When Laurel attempts to make a run for the highway, Cornudas shoots her in the leg. 

Cal and Dinah join forces when the local authorities can’t find Laurel, pPutting her tracking skills and his caving expertise to use, searching they search the desert and caves for her. During another torture session, Laurel manages to mortally wound Cornudas and build a large fire to keep the buzzards away.  Night falls in the desert and Cal and Dinah are drawn to Laurel’s fire.  Ecstatic at being reunited, the trio head for the nearest medical center.

[Zooks]

thanks so much, heathwriter!  Nice suggestions.  You've really tightened it up.  karma to you. 

[clmatic]

This is a compelling tale.  I think (my opinion only) that your synopsis has more details that needed for its purpose.  I would try something like the following...

THE STORY OF LAUREL BLUE STONE – SYNOPSIS

Seventeen-year-old Laurel Blue Stone is the beloved only daughter born late in life to PARENTS’ NAMES HERE, a Zuni Native American couple. Wanting only the best for their daughter, they encourage her to pursue her dream of being the first in their family to attend college.  Laurel is well on the way to achieving her goal until the day a young Navaho named Reddington Cornudas arrives at her parents home, claiming that his father had saved Mr. Blue Stone’s life in Vietnam and insinuating himself into her parents’ good graces.  Laurel’s parents, unaware of Cornudas’ history of drug abuse and his brushes with the law, support his courtship of Laurel, despite Laurel’s insistence that Cornudas is bad medicine and that he frightens her. Convinced that her parents no longer love her, Laurel flees to the New Mexican hills and her favorite mesa.

At the mesa, Laurel meets Cal Trilling, a young cave inspector to whom she is immediately attracted but refuses to date because he is white.  The two return to Laurel’s home on the reservation where Cal pleads his case with her parents, but is unsuccessful.  Cal and Laurel still manage to see each other secretly with the help of Dinah Blackbear, Laurel’s best friend.  Unfortunately, Dinah must also serve as chaperone to Laurel and Cornudas, and witnesses Cornudas’ rising level of abuse towards her friend.

At her 18th birthday celebration dinner Laurel’s parents finally witness Cornudas’ true colors and are shocked into the realization that their daughter has been telling the truth all along.  The family obtains a restraining order against Cornudas, Cal is welcomed into the family and he and Laurel marry.

Cal and Laurel move 300 miles away, where Laurel attends college, sculpts pottery for sale, and Cal starts a new job.  But their happiness is short-lived.  Cornudas has escaped jail and is completely under the sway of a vicious meth addiction.  He seeks out Laurel, committing a series of violent crimes in the process, and finally succeeds in abducting her from her workshop. 

Forced across a desert at gunpoint, wounded and temporarily blinded, Laurel is determined to survive.  After being dragged through a series of hidden caves high in the New Mexican mesa, Laurel launches a final, desperate struggle against Cornudas that leaves him mortally wounded.  Laurel uses every last ounce of strength she possesses to build a huge bonfire, a bonfire that attracts Cal and Dinah, who have been tirelessly searching for her all along. Ecstatic at being reunited, the trio head for the nearest medical center.

Hope this helps.

[Zooks]

@clmatic - thanks so much for your input.  much appreciated.  karma to you.