First cut...

[newday11]

 
Dear ___________

Fifty years ago, in 1961, when the Wall was built, Berlin was the intelligence capital of the world, a hotbed of espionage.  Nearly every intelligence service in the world maintained a presence there. 

The writer was Command Security Manager of US Army Europe and the recently published author of SECRETS OF THE COLD WAR.

The Army in Europe’s Covert Intelligence Adventures and Investigations  follows Seth Cherry and his fellow operatives around the world in clandestine missions on behalf of the United States. While fictional, the book is loosely based on fact. In a police procedural format, we learn the technical workings of intelligence and day-to-day lives of the characters, including love scenes. The novel contains real intelligence documents and technical equipment.

The book is rich in character development. Molly is the caring mother-like office manager; John is Seth’s sidekick and loyal supporter who reminds one of the character from My Favorite Martian; female FBI Agent Duger is Seth's soul mate, sex partner and eventual bride; Sergio is the crowd pleasing big hearted Italian Carabinieri who later works for Seth... “He patted his gun and smiled his big smile.”

The book will undoubtedly draw prior service personnel and all attracted to American history and espionage.

I look forward in providing you segments of the text.

[LateToTheParty]

Dear ___________

Fifty years ago, i In 1961, when the Wall was built, Berlin was the intelligence capital of the world, (Use the year or the count but not both. I would also scrap the cliched phrase.), a hotbed of espionage.  Nearly everyEvery major intelligence service in the world maintained a presence there. 

The writer was Command Security Manager of US Army Europe and the recently published author of SECRETS OF THE COLD WAR(I'd tack this on at the end.).

The Army in Europe’s Covert Intelligence Adventures and Investigations  (If this is the title, it should be all caps and also at the end with the rest of the bookkeeping stuff.) follows Seth Cherry and his fellow operatives around the world in clandestine missions on behalf of the United States. While fictional, the book is loosely based on fact. In a police procedural format, we learn the technical workings of intelligence and day-to-day lives of the characters, including love scenes. The novel contains real intelligence documents and technical equipment.

The book is rich in character development. Molly is the caring mother-like office manager; John is Seth’s sidekick and loyal supporter who reminds one of the character from My Favorite Martian(Do you really want to compare a book character to a television character?); female FBI Agent Duger(My understanding is the first female FBI agent didn't graduate Quantico until 1972.) is Seth's soul mate, sex partner and eventual bride; Sergio is the crowd pleasing big hearted Italian Carabinieri who later works for Seth... “He patted his gun and smiled his big smile.”

The book will undoubtedly draw prior service personnel and all attracted to American history and espionage.

I look forward in providing you segments of the text.

This isn't a query. It reads like a pitch for a made for TV movie staring Cheryl Ladd, James Franciscus and Mr. T. Go to Blogs and Websites and find BRMyers' blog post on query letters. She promotes the three C's: character, crisis and conflict. You can't tell us about it, you got to show it. Perseverance and buono fortuna.