Shadow's Dawn Synopsis

[Carakasla]

Now, before I begin I need to say something: I am well aware and know that the synopsis is thin. I know it is far from perfect. What I want is to know how to thicken it up. These are JUST the major events. Please help me make this interesting.

After having a run in with soldiers, the half dragon sorceress, CARAKA, is rescued by a mysterious half dragon archer named KYTHERAN, who seems to be traveling with the sorceress's old friend, CIPHER. After quickly revealing her abilities, and Kytheran having an adverse reaction to her magic infused weapons, the relationship between Caraka and Kytheran's  childhood friend and elfin lancer, AARALYNN, quickly sours. Soceresses are not trusted by the general populace, especially ones of the half dragon variety.
While traveling to a dead city, Caraka is separated by the group and is attacked by a sea monster she knows personally and fears he will reveal her to her enemies. She gets rescued by the rest of the group and they continue on to the dead city where they meet an Immortal who explains their new journey; to find the missing Gods and put a stop to the powerful Lich Lord from resetting the world.
Meanwhile, the Lich Lord, TAMESIS, knows exactly what the group is doing and sends out his second-in-command, JOAQUIN, ahead to their next destination. He fears they will reawaken his old ally and traitor, TANIS.
Nearly captured by soldiers outside of the dead city, Caraka shows her hand and reveals one of her most powerful spells; she can puts people into a trance and make their nightmares become real. This deeply frightens Kytheran and Aaralynn, despite the sorceress's assurances of complete control.
In the city where Tanis lays, they are discovered and attacked by a Fallen Immortal, one of Tamesis' powerful minions. One of Caraka's spells accidentally sends Kytheran into a trance and evoke memories of conversations he never had. Confused and dazed, he tries to push the memories from his mind.
Ambushed and attacked by creatures of the dark, the group finally finds the frozen dragon, Tanis. Quickly separating, Caraka and Kytheran go off to destroy a magical seal while Cipher and Aaralynn reawaken the slumbering dragon.
While searching for the seal, the sorceress and archer come face to face with the Fallen Immortal. After he explains while deep hatred for the Gods, he sends the seal to attack them. Barely succeeding in the seal's destruction, the pair return to their friends, only to find them under attack by a dark creature. Getting into combat with Joaquin, the group barely escape the city with their lives.
After recuperating, the group travels to their next destination but they have to by pass Caraka's home village. Terrified of reaping the repercussions of running away years earlier, she protests but they simply fall on deaf ears.
The town has their own problems; they haven't heard from the local Mage guild in months and have grown concerned. Stuck between two waring kingdoms, the town fears one of the armies took over the guild to steal the town's precious resource, magic crystals. Taking on the task, Cipher, Aaralynn, Tanis, and a local head off to the tower where the guild lives.
Once they get there, they quickly discover the place is taken over by Tamesis' minions. Ambushed and taken off guard, Cipher is knocked unconscious and Tanis is driven mad by a mysterious overabundance of magic. Afraid and alone, Aaralynn left is trapped between a crazed dragon and an encroaching band of dark creatures.
Meanwhile, back in town, Caraka is attacked by Joaquin, her own brother. She tries to escape but falls victim to his special ability; he can control anyone's mind. He takes her, and along with another Fallen, casts a spell over the unsuspecting town.
Afterwards, Kytheran wakes to a mysterious, empty town and is quickly attacked by a strange, mutated wolf. After failing to escape, he is captured by the crazed and tainted Caraka and transported to a dreamworld filled with his darkest memories. Saved by a mysterious light, he reawakens to face a new enemy-- the oversized teddy bear. A quick battle ensues and Caraka returns and takes a more direct attack of Kytheran. He immobilizes her with newfound magic and she temporarily reverts to normal and extracts the Fallen's soul, killing her. The sorceress collapses and falls unconscious. While trying to aid her, Joaquin returns to give Kytheran a warning; the Rebirth will be coming.

Now you know what happens in my book!

[Novelista85]

I would start with making it a bit more active. You also start your first two sentences with "after."

For example, I might change the beginning to the following:

KYTHERAN, a mysterious half-dragon archer, and his friend, CIPHER, rescue the half-dragon sorceress, CARAKA, from a band of soldiers. The relationship between the trio and the elfin lancer, AARALYNN, sours following Kytheran's adverse reaction to Caraka's magic infused weapons.

However, I'm not sure why Aaralynn has a reaction to the weapons. Is it the mere presence of the weapons or does he meet the sharp end of her sword? Why does Kytheran's reaction to the weapons bother Aaralynn?

[Carakasla]

I don't know if that specifically will work only because it mixes up relationships and who's relationship sours (Kytheran and Aaralynn are childhood friends, while Cipher and Caraka are. It's ONLY Caraka and Aaralynn who have the bad blood)

Well, in the book, Kytheran goes into a trance when he simply touches her swords, and Aaralynn thinks they are a type of illegal magic weapons that uses souls to power themselves. Even though they are not.

[FallenAndFaceless]

Now, before I begin I need to say something: I am well aware and know that the synopsis is thin. I know it is far from perfect. What I want is to know how to thicken it up. These are JUST the major events. Please help me make this interesting.

After having a run in with soldiers, the half dragon sorceress, CARAKA, is rescued by a mysterious half dragon archer named KYTHERAN, who seems to be traveling with the sorceress's old friend, CIPHER. Too many names for the first sentence, in my opinion. Try something like: Half-dragon sorceress Caraka is rescued from soldiers by a mysterious half-dragon archer names Kytheran. Caraka is pleasantly surprised to find Kytheran travelling with her old friend Cipher. After quickly revealing her abilities, and Kytheran having an adverse reaction to her magic infused weapons, the relationship between Caraka and Kytheran's  childhood friend and elfin lancer, AARALYNN, quickly sours. Again, this sentence is packed and a little vague. Firstly, Aaralynn comes out of nowhere. Is this peroson travelling with Kytheran too? Secondly, the weapons thing is ambiguous. You probably don't want to get into details about why the weapons are concerning, so consider the bigger picture. Does Aaralynn not trust Caraka because she's a half-dragon sorceress and may use the weapons for evil? Soceresses are not trusted by the general populace, especially ones of the half dragon variety.
While traveling to a dead city, Why is she going there? Take on a sentence before this about her motivations for going there. If she knows the Immortal who lives there will explain her journey, add this beforehand.Caraka is separated by the group and is attacked by a sea monster she knows personally and fears he will reveal her to her enemies. She gets rescued by the rest of the group and they continue on to the dead city where they meet an Immortal who explains their new journey; (comma, not semicolon) to find the missing Gods and put a stop to the powerful Lich Lord from resetting Hmm...word choice? Perhaps 'resetting' works, but since it's not explained, go for something more understandable. :Pthe world.
Meanwhile, the Lich Lord TAMESIS knows exactly what the group is doing and sends out his second-in-command, JOAQUIN, ahead to their next destination. He fears they will reawaken his old ally and traitor, TANIS, to help them rally against him (or insert alternate reason here).
Nearly captured by soldiers outside of the dead city, Caraka shows her hand and reveals one of her most powerful spells: she can put people into a trance and make their nightmares become real. Maybe skip the 'nearly captured by soldiers' part, since it already happened once at the beginning? If you don't want to, consider making that event a seperate sentence, since it doesn't seem linked with her revealing her spell.This deeply frightens Kytheran and Aaralynn, despite the sorceress's assurances of complete control.
In the city where Tanis lays, they are discovered and attacked by a Fallen Immortal, one of Tamesis' powerful minions. One of Caraka's spells accidentally sends Kytheran into a trance and evokes memories of conversations he never had. Confused and dazed, he tries to push the memories from his mind.
Ambushed and attacked by creatures of the dark, the group finally finds the frozen dragon, Tanis. Again, the first half and the second half are not related. I'd suggest cutting the 'creatures of the dark' part. A synopsis can get bogged down withso many isolated attacks. In an 80 K manuscript, it's one thing. In a page-long synopsis, it's a little overwhelming.Quickly separating, Caraka and Kytheran go off to destroy a magical seal How do they learn about the seal? I think it's worth mentioning.while Cipher and Aaralynn reawaken the slumbering dragon.
While searching for the seal, the sorceress and archer come face to face with the Fallen Immortal. After he explains while deep hatred for the Gods (?) he explains HIS deep hatred for the Gods?, he sends the seal to attack them. The pair barely succeeds in destroying the seal and they return to their friends only to find them under attack by a dark creature. Is the dark creature Joaquin?Getting into combat with Joaquin, the group barely escape the city with their lives.
After recuperating, The group travels to their next destination, but they have to by pass Caraka's home village. She's terrified of reaping the repercussions of running away years earlier, but her protests fall on deaf ears.
The town has its own problems; they haven't heard from the local Mage guild in months and have grown concerned. Stuck between two warring kingdoms, the town fears one of the armies took over the guild to steal the town's precious resource, magic crystals. Taking on the task, Cipher, Aaralynn, Tanis, and a local Does this local matter? If so, maybe provide a name? If not, you don't need to mention him/her, since your cast is quite rich already.head off to the tower where the guild lives.
Once they get there, they quickly discover the place is taken over by Tamesis' minions. Ambushed and taken off guard, Cipher is knocked unconscious and Tanis is driven mad by a mysterious overabundance of magic. Afraid and alone, Aaralynn left is trapped, afraid and alone, between a crazed dragon and an encroaching band of dark creatures. Just changing up the construction a bit. I'm noticing a pattern.
Meanwhile, back in town, Caraka is attacked by Joaquin, her own brother. WHOA. He's her brother? Mention this at the beginning, as it ups the conflict. I think it would snag an agent's interest.She tries to escape but falls victim to his special ability; he can control anyone's mind. He takes her, and along with another Fallen, casts a spell over the unsuspecting town.
Afterwards, Kytheran wakes to a mysterious, empty town and is quickly attacked by a strange, mutated wolf. After failing to escape, he is then captured by the crazed and tainted Caraka and transported to a dreamworld filled with his darkest memories. Saved by a mysterious light, he reawakens to face a new enemy-- the oversized teddy bear. What does this mean? I don't understand where this teddy bear came from.A quick battle ensues and Caraka returns and takes a more direct attack of Kytheran. He immobilizes her with newfound magic and she temporarily reverts to normal and extracts the Fallen's soul, killing her. The sorceress collapses and falls unconscious. While Kytheran triesto aid her, Joaquin returns to give him a warning: the Rebirth is coming. So Joaquin is on their side now? If not, why does he warn Kytheran?

Now you know what happens in my book!

So you have the events of your story down, which is great! Next, link them. You've got the 'what.' Now get the 'why.' A lot of these events seem like disjointed attacks. When you mention your characters going to a new place, mention why. Avoid introducing new concepts like the teddy bear in passing. Fantasy is packed with action, magical creatures, and names, so it's hard to make a fantasy synopsis clear. I write fantasy, I know. :PP Ease readers into new concepts and introduce only what is CRUCIAL to the main plot.

I suggest cutting some of the less important fights and inserting some sense of character. I noticed that in your query, you said something about voices in Caraka's head impelling her to commit homicide. That's pretty big, and it's not in your synopsis! That's a huge personal stake, if your antag is the reason for these voices. It really ups her motivation to defeat him. I'd work that in (if and only if it's important) and focus a little more on her personal struggle as the MC. Other characters like Cipher and Aaralynn can take a back seat if they're not your query character.

What is Caraka's relationship with Kytheran? What is he like? It became difficult to differentiate some of your characters since I knew so little about them. Maybe cut some secondary characters and focus more on Carake and Kytheran, as they seem the most important.

From your synopsis, I understand you have a sequel/trilogy, whatever. It's not a conclusive ending (and I feel for you here - I did the same thing! ><). Even if your book doesn't end conclusively, make sure you tie up whatever loose ends you can so that the synopsis comes across as conclusive as possible. Focus on what your MC does accomplish, not what is left to resolve.

Good luck!

[Carakasla]

*points to disclaimer* Just tell me what to put in, take out, and what questions to answer. I want this to be painless.

Kytheran and Caraka's relationship is that of Protagonist/Love interest. Their relationship builds over all the books. It's not a 'love at first sight' thing. It's a slow, simmering, love. I don't know what you want out of Kytheran--again, he's a complicated character. Maybe you could give me some questions to answer?

Caraka tries to kill Kytheran near the end of the novel. That is where the attempted murder happens.

You say to cut some secondary characters, but which ones? I know Cipher (even though she is the inciting incident) and Aaralynn, but what about Tamesis and Joaquin? They are the antagonists. How am I suppose to put them in?

Joaquin isn't warning him of anything. He is STATEING to Kytheran. Basically, "As hard as you try to stop the Rebirth, you are only going to fail. You can have fun trying, but you better not expect anything different."

Oh, and the Rebirth is the proper name of the event mentioned in the query: the demon army coming to the Shadow Realm and wreaking havoc.

I have no clue how I am suppose to properly read that quote @.@

[Carakasla]

Half-dragon sorceress CARAKA is rescued from soldiers by a mysterious half-dragon archer names KYTHERAN. Caraka is pleasantly surprised to find Kytheran travelling with her old friend CIPHER. Soon after meeting, Cipher puts forth a proposition: follow her and help her save the world from an encroaching demon army. Agreeing, the group travels to a dead city to meet up with a contact of Cipher's.

While traveling to a dead city, Caraka is separated by the group and is attacked by a sea monster she knows personally and fears he will reveal her to her enemies. She gets rescued by the rest of the group and they continue on to the dead city where they meet an Immortal who explains their new journey, to find the missing Gods and put a stop to the powerful Lich Lord from bringing the rest of the demon army to the Shadow Realm. All the while, they must unseal long lost magic hidden long ago.

Meanwhile, the Lich Lord, TAMESIS, knows exactly what the group is doing and sends out his second-in-command, JOAQUIN, Caraka's own brother, ahead to their next destination. He fears they will reawaken his old ally and traitor, TANIS, who will reveal how Tamesis was able to circumvent the magic rules and bring the first wave of demons.

Nearly captured by soldiers outside of the dead city, Caraka reveals one of her most powerful spells: she can puts people into a trance and make their nightmares become real. This deeply frightens Kytheran, despite the sorceress's assurances of complete control.

In the city where Tanis lays, they are discovered and attacked by a Fallen Immortal, one of Tamesis' powerful minions. One of Caraka's spells accidentally sends Kytheran into a trance and evokes memories of conversations he never had. Confused and dazed, he tries to push the memories from his mind.

The group finally finds the frozen dragon, Tanis. Quickly separating, Caraka and Kytheran go off to destroy a magical seal while Cipher and Aaralynn reawaken the slumbering dragon.

While searching for the seal, the sorceress and archer come face to face with the Fallen Immortal. After he explains his deep hatred for the Gods, he sends the seal to attack them. The pair barely succeeds in destroying the seal and they return to their friends only to find them under attack by a dark creature. Getting into combat with Joaquin, the group barely escape the city with their lives.

The group travels to their next destination but they have to by pass Caraka's home village. She's terrified of reaping the repercussions of running away years earlier, but her protests fall on deaf ears.

The town has its own problems; they haven't heard from the local Mage guild in months and have grown concerned. Stuck between two waring kingdoms, the town fears one of the armies took over the guild to steal the town's precious resource, magic crystals. Taking on the task, Cipher and Tanis head off to the tower where the guild lives.

Once they get there, they quickly discover the place is taken over by Tamesis' minions. Ambushed and taken off guard, Cipher is knocked unconscious and Tanis is driven mad by a mysterious overabundance of magic.

Meanwhile, back in town, Caraka is attacked by Joaquin. She tries to escape but falls victim to his special ability; he can control anyone's mind. He takes her, and along with another Fallen, casts a spell over the unsuspecting town.

Kytheran is captured by the crazed and tainted Caraka and transported to a dreamworld filled with his darkest memories. Saved by a mysterious light, he reawakens to find Caraka still in her homicidal state. A quick battle ensues and Caraka returns and takes a more direct attack of Kytheran. He immobilizes her with newfound magic and she temporarily reverts to normal and extracts the Fallen's soul, killing her. The sorceress collapses and falls unconscious. While trying to aid her, Joaquin returns to give Kytheran a warning; the Rebirth is coming and there is nothing they can do about it.

All right, this is what I managed just by what you recommended in the quote. I tried to take Aaralynn out the best I can, but it's entirely possible I missed. Just cross out her name if I did.

Cipher is harder to take out because she IS the inciting incident. She is the one who pushes everything in the novel (for the most part).

I'm also having trouble with Kytheran only for the simple fact that I don't know what part of him I should mention in the synopsis. The fact that he goes into trances and hears conventions he never had? The fact that he is a former leader of a rebellion who was exiled from his own home? I don't know which one to highlight because I know I probably can't do both.

Joaquin and Tamesis are hard too because while Joaquin is a more active antagonist, Tamesis is the one who drives the protagonsits' motivations and thus the plot of the novel.

Also, I don't know how to mention the resolution, which is Kytheran, specifically, finds out Caraka is the Goddess incarnate and one (of three) gods have been found.

At least, I hope I am going in the right direction.