Nightmares and migraines have plagued
SHEKINAH (first time you introduce a character, put the name in all caps)
her whole life, a side effect of the ďconditionĒ that prevents her from being able to feel any emotion. And itís this same condition that is the reason she is so good at being a spy. Raised by Third Enterprises and trained in the art of espionage her whole life, itís the only one she knows. When their biggest competitor, Trinity Corporations (TriCor), buys out the company, Shekinah knows that only mitigating circumstances would have sparked such a drastic move. She and her two partners
, Deck K. and Stevven Dougal, (try to keep the names to a minimum, 3-4 tops, to prevent confusion)
receive instructions (from?)
to stop TriCor agent
DONALD FAIDE from stealing information from their back-up computers.
Too late to stop the theft, Shekinah and her team follow Faide. They switch the information (what does this mean?)
and continue to TriCorís London base under the guise of reporting for their new jobs. Shekinah escorts Faide to Sweden where they hope to recover a device that will lead them to its creator
ALAN DIGGET. I thought we were going after Faide. She has Faide. Why do they need Digget?
With Agent Faideís help, Shekinah recovers the device (What is it? No need to be coy. We need to know why it's important)
. It leads them to Russia where Alan Digget has been hiding out for years and he seems to know more (about?)
than TriCor would like. Shekinah and her team whisk Digget off to a safehouse. Unwilling to be outdone once again, Faide tracks them using a reactivated device (is it a mind-control device?)
that has been dormant in
Stevven one of Shekinahís team members
for years. He
Digget and takes him to TriCor.
Shekinah sneaks into TriCor and forces Faide to take her to Digget. They find that Digget has been beaten so badly
his face is almost unrecognizable. Faide helps them escape and Shekinah and Digget meet up with
Stevven and Deck her team
, but she canít shake the feeling that
something bad is very close. (This is telling.)
She slips away to a small chapel to pray, not knowing that Faide has followed her. A tornado of light breaks through the chapel ceiling and engulfs Shekinah. At first thereís pain, but it doesnít last long. As the light fades, sheís left on the floor exhausted, but when Faide finds her thereís something different about her and she smiles, something sheís never been able to do.
Outside the chapel, and all over London, shadow creatures appear in the sky like the door to another world has opened. When they learn that TriCor has taken Thirdís former agents hostage, Faide helps Shekinah get back inside to rescue her people, but they are led into a trap and both captured. While Faide finds a way to alert Deck and Stevven to Shekinahís danger, Shekinah is being tested and tortured because of this amazing power they claim she possesses. Shekinah releases her power and escapes, but not before
Deck one of her team
is shot and killed.
Faide helps Shekinah from the building. With her newfound emotions, itís hard for her to focus and handle the death of her friend. When they send a team back in, Deckís body is gone. Faide promises to find out whatís happened to TriCor in exchange for asylum within Thirdís rebuilding ranks.
This is a good start overall, but there's still room for some detail. Also, the end doesn't feel like an end to me. Maybe it's just me, but there doesn't feel like any resolution there.
Synopses are hard. Good luck!