Santa Claus Synopsis

[cheermom]

I'm pretty sure there's too much information in this.  Suggestions on what to cut, if so, are appreciated.

   I WISH I STILL BELIEVED IN SANTA CLAUS tells the story of fifteen tumultuous months in the life of STEPHANIE ROBERTS.

   As an April snow blankets her small town, Stephanie begins to wonder how her life might have been had she not been forced to move home after her parents’ tragic death in a car accident five years earlier.  Her sister PIPER, forces her into a deeper funk when she gives Stephanie an envelope to open.  It contains her acceptance letter from the same college Stephanie left after her first semester.

   Love has found Stephanie, in the eyes of TOM RODNEY.  Unfortunately, Stephanie only sees Tom as a lifelong friend.  To her, he has been someone to go to dinner and the movies or share an occasional kiss.  On his 23rd birthday, Stephanie allows Tom to explore her body more than he ever had, but does not let him make love to her.

   Stephanie, again, laments her life on the day of Piper’s graduation.  She feels lost and alone.  An encounter with her high school crush, PAUL NIELSON, a few days later, leaves her confused after he points out how she could have remained in school and still raised Piper.

   The next time Stephanie goes on a date with Tom, she, again, refuses his advances.  She can’t help but wonder why he puts up with her making out with him on one date and not allowing even a small kiss the next.

   The two of them travel to the city for a concert.  Stephanie had given Tom the tickets for his birthday.  When they return to the car, her car will not start and they’re left spending the night at a local hotel.  Tom’s playful side comes out when they’re alone in the hotel room, ready for bed.  He climbs into bed with Stephanie and tells her he would have slept with her at home.  She didn’t have to break her car to get him into bed.  He laughs as she pushes him out of the bed.

   Stephanie once again checks the cost of attending college.  She determines she can afford the cost of tuition, but nothing else.  She turns to her best friend, CAROL DEMMING, for advice.  Carol suggests Stephanie asks her grandparents for a loan.  Much to her surprise, Stephanie’s grandparents had only given her half of the insurance money.  She now had enough money to live her dream.

   Tom’s dream comes true on Independence Day.  Stephanie sees him in a different light and makes a conscious decision to let him stay the night with her.  They’re both embarrassed when Piper catches them in Stephanie’s bed together the next morning.  Piper interrogates Stephanie about the previous night after Tom leaves.  She realizes she cannot answer any of Piper’s questions, because she doesn’t have any answers.

   When a half a dozen roses arrive early the next afternoon, Stephanie is distressed.  The roses come with a dinner invitation.  She hates the fact that Tom now sees them as more than friends, when she thought she had made it clear to him before he left that it may have been a one-time thing.

   Stephanie is shocked to learn that her dinner date isn’t Tom, but Paul Nielson.  He had returned to town for the weekend.  Realizing that she and Tom never said they wouldn’t date anyone else, she goes on her dream date.

   The date is everything Stephanie dreamt it would be, including returning to his house for dessert.  Together, they enjoy cheesecake and red wine at his parents’ kitchen table.  After she excuses herself to use the restroom, Paul lures her into his room.  Her fantasy is realized when he kisses her.  It felt just as she imagined it would back in high school.  But Paul twists Stephanie’s words when she tells him to stop touching her.  To her horror, Paul rapes her.

   Stephanie becomes aware of how much she needs and depends on Tom.  She turns to him, but doesn’t tell him of the previous nights events.  Instead, she sleeps with him to try to rid herself of the thoughts of the night before.

   Again, Stephanie turns to her best friend.  She confides that she’s thinking about selling the house and returning to college.  Stephanie also tells Carol what happened with Paul and that she thinks she’s in love with Tom.  Carol makes Stephanie realize that Tom is also in love with her.

   One night, Stephanie receives a frazzled phone call from Tom begging her to get to his house immediately.  She arrives to find her sister half dressed and drunk, clinging to Tom.  Piper had always had a crush on him and decided that it was time to attempt to steal him from her sister.  The following day, Tom and Stephanie spend a romantic afternoon at the lake.

   On one of her days off, Stephanie goes to Tom’s house to make him dinner as a surprise when he gets off work.  Their dinner became a romantic interlude that is interrupted by Tom’s father when he walks into Tom’s house without knocking.  After some hemming and hawing from an embarrassed Stephanie, they go to his bedroom to make love.

   It’s not long before Stephanie finds she is pregnant.  She also realizes that either Tom or Paul could be the father.  Tom proposes when he finds out and she asks for time to think about it.  Stephanie also believes that Paul should know.  When she tells him, he calls her names and pushes her down, leaving her bruised.  Tom throws her out when he finds out Paul could be the father, not knowing she did not sleep with him voluntarily.

   A few nights after Piper leaves for college, Stephanie wakes up in the middle of the night in horrible pain.  Positive she’s losing the baby, she calls Carol who takes her to the hospital.  She learns that she was never pregnant, but has a tumor in her uterus that must be removed.  She refuses to let Carol call Tom to tell him what is happening.

   No longer having a connection to Tom, Paul or anything else, she decides to move in with Piper so she can start college the next semester.  She begins to make a new life for herself.

Tom shows up at her door in early April to see the baby and find out if it is his or Paul’s.  He’s stunned to find out that Stephanie was never pregnant and never told him.   When she returns home a week later, Tom finds out she’s there and asks her out to dinner.  She finally has the chance to explain to him what really happened between her and Paul.  He feels horrible for how he had treated her.  The day before she is to return to the city, she decides to visit the lake, where she runs into Tom.  They spend the afternoon together and he invites her to his place for dinner, just as friends.  They end up spending the night together.  The following day, Tom proposes and she turns him down.  He leaves without saying a word.

Stephanie returns to town three months later for Carol’s wedding.  She does all she can to avoid Tom at the reception, who has brought a date.  Unfortunately, she ends up running into him.  They muddle through an awkward and painful conversation until his date comes over to him offering him a choice of two desserts.  Stephanie tells him that he can’t eat the one he picked because of his milk allergy.  She makes a hasty retreat and leaves the reception.  Tom follows.  He catches her in the parking lot and thanks her for letting him know about the dessert then asks if he can go to her house later.  She agrees. 

A kiss after he arrives at her house which leads to her bedroom.  Tom has a change of heart and can’t go through with it.  He tells he that he has been allowing her to hurt him and he can’t take the chance again.  She tells him she is dropping out of school and returning home because the city isn’t what she thought it would be.  Tom agrees to give it one more try, but only if she’s prepared to make it permanent.  They decide on a Christmas Eve wedding.

Flash forward five years to Tom’s 30th birthday.  Everyone is enjoying themselves while Stephanie sits alone watching the party go on around her.  Piper notices that Stephanie is in labor and calls Tom over to them.  She gives birth to their third child, a boy they name after Tom.  At this point, Stephanie realizes that she has what she’s wanted all along.

[Tigerbunny]

I'm pretty sure the only time you CAPITALIZE a characters name is in Screenplays and only when you're introducing them for the first time.  I may be wrong though so I'd get feedback from other query tracker's on this.  But I'm pretty sure it's only for screenplays though. 

- Tigerbunny

[wannagetanagent]

I think you have the right idea. I've made suggestions of things to cut. Just stick to things that are very basic to your plot. I do think it would be good, though, to explain some about what she's feeling: why she hated having to leave school, the emotional reasons behind her not wanting to get close to Tom at first, ect. Sounds like a good story -- good luck.


I'm pretty sure there's too much information in this.  Suggestions on what to cut, if so, are appreciated.

   I WISH I STILL BELIEVED IN SANTA CLAUS tells the story of fifteen tumultuous months in the life of STEPHANIE ROBERTS.

   As an April snow blankets her small town, snow line has a nice feel but seems unrelated to her funk Stephanie begins to wonder how her life might have been had she not been forced to move home after her parents’ tragic death in a car accident five years earlier.  Why did she have to move back? To care for her sister? Her sister PIPER, forces her into a deeper funk when she gives Stephanie an envelope to open.  It contains her acceptance letter from the same college Stephanie left after her first semester.

   Love has found Stephanie, in the eyes of TOM RODNEY.  Unfortunately, Stephanie only sees Tom as a lifelong friend.  To her, he has been someone to go to dinner and the movies or share an occasional kiss.  On his 23rd birthday, Stephanie allows Tom to explore her body more than he ever had, but does not let him make love to her.

   Stephanie, again, laments her life on the day of Piper’s graduation. From high school? When I read earlier about Piper's college acceptance letter, I wasn't sure if it was recent or also a long deferred dream. She feels lost and alone.  An encounter with her high school crush, PAUL NIELSON, a few days later, leaves her confused after he points out how she could have remained in school and still raised Piper.

   The next time Stephanie goes on a date with Tom, she, again, don't need comma refuses his advances.  She can’t help but wonder why he puts up with her making out with him on one date and not allowing even a small kiss the next.

   The two of them travel to the city for a concert.  Stephanie had given Tom the tickets for his birthday.  When they return to the car, her car will not start and they’re left spending the night at a local hotel.  Tom’s playful side comes out when they’re alone in the hotel room, ready for bed.  He climbs into bed with Stephanie and tells her he would have slept with her at home.  She didn’t have to break her car to get him into bed.  He laughs as she pushes him out of the bed. This scene seems like something that could be left out of the synopsis.

   Stephanie once again checks the cost of attending college.  She determines she can afford the cost of tuition, but nothing else.  She turns to her best friend, CAROL DEMMING, for advice.  Carol suggests Stephanie asks her grandparents for a loan.  Much to her surprise, Stephanie’s grandparents had only given her half of the insurance money.  Why not? She now had enough money to live her dream.

   Tom’s dream comes true on Independence Day.  Stephanie sees him in a different light and makes a conscious decision to let him stay the night with her.  They’re both embarrassed when Piper catches them in Stephanie’s bed together the next morning.  Piper interrogates Stephanie about the previous night after Tom leaves.  She realizes she cannot answer any of Piper’s questions, because she doesn’t have any answers.

   When a half a dozen roses arrive early the next afternoon, Stephanie is distressed.  The roses come with a dinner invitation.  She hates the fact that Tom now sees them as more than friends, when she thought she had made it clear to him before he left that it may have been a one-time thing.

   Stephanie is shocked to learn that her dinner date isn’t Tom, but Paul Nielson.  He had returned to town for the weekend.  Realizing that she and Tom never said they wouldn’t date anyone else, she goes on her dream date.

   The date is everything Stephanie dreamt it would be, including returning to his house for dessert.  Together, they enjoy cheesecake and red wine at his parents’ kitchen table. Again, here's a detail that can be left out of the synopsis. After she excuses herself to use the restroom, Paul lures her into his room.  Her fantasy is realized when he kisses her.  It felt just as she imagined it would back in high school.  But Paul twists Stephanie’s words It's unclear what you mean here when she tells him to stop touching her.  To her horror, Paul rapes her.

   Stephanie becomes aware of how much she needs and depends on Tom.  She turns to him, but doesn’t tell him of the previous nights night's events.  Instead, she sleeps with him to try to rid herself of the thoughts of the night before.

   Again, Stephanie turns to her best friend.  She confides that she’s thinking about selling the house and returning to college.  Stephanie also tells Carol what happened with Paul and that she thinks she’s in love with Tom.  Carol makes Stephanie realize that Tom is also in love with her. From the way you first introduced the relationship, I though she already knew he loved her.

   One night, Stephanie receives a frazzled phone call from Tom begging her to get to his house immediately.  She arrives to find her sister half dressed and drunk, clinging to Tom.  Piper had always had a crush on him Maybe that should be mentioned earlier and decided that it was time to attempt to steal him from her sister.  The following day, Tom and Stephanie spend a romantic afternoon at the lake. Last sentence can be cut, I think.

   On one of her days off, Stephanie goes to Tom’s house to make him dinner as a surprise when he gets off work.  Their dinner became a romantic interlude that is interrupted by Tom’s father when he walks into Tom’s house without knocking.  After some hemming and hawing from an embarrassed Stephanie, they go to his bedroom to make love.

   It’s not long before Stephanie finds she is pregnant.  She also realizes that either Tom or Paul could be the father.  Tom proposes when he finds out and she asks for time to think about it.  Why think about it? Because the baby might be Paul's? Stephanie also believes that Paul should know.  When she tells him, he calls her names and pushes her down, leaving her bruised.  Tom throws her out when he finds out Paul could be the father, not knowing she did not sleep with him voluntarily. If she tells him she slept with Paul, why wouldn't she tell him she was raped?

   A few nights after Piper leaves for college, Stephanie wakes up in the middle of the night in horrible pain.  Positive she’s losing the baby, she calls Carol who takes her to the hospital.  She learns that she was never pregnant, but has a tumor in her uterus that must be removed.  She refuses to let Carol call Tom to tell him what is happening.

   No longer having a connection to Tom, Paul or anything else, she decides to move in with Piper so she can start college the next semester.  She begins to make a new life for herself.

Tom shows up at her door in early April to see the baby and find out if it is his or Paul’s.  He’s stunned to find out that Stephanie was never pregnant and never told him.   When she returns home a week later, Tom finds out she’s there and asks her out to dinner.  She finally has the chance to explain to him what really happened between her and Paul.  He feels horrible for how he had treated her.  The day before she is to return to the city, she decides to visit the lake, where she runs into Tom.  They spend the afternoon together and he invites her to his place for dinner, just as friends.  They end up spending the night together. The preceding sentences are examples of good places to tighten the writing and leave out things that aren't at the core of the basic plot. The following day, Tom proposes and she turns him down.  He leaves without saying a word.

Stephanie returns to town three months later for Carol’s wedding.  She does all she can to avoid Tom at the reception, who has brought a date. Rewrite this. Maybe "to avoid Tom and his date."   Unfortunately, she ends up running into him.  They muddle through an awkward and painful conversation until his date comes over to him offering him a choice of two desserts.  Stephanie tells him that he can’t eat the one he picked because of his milk allergy.  She makes a hasty retreat and leaves the reception.  Tom follows.  He catches her in the parking lot and thanks her for letting him know about the dessert then asks if he can go to her house later.  She agrees. 

A kiss after he arrives at her house which leads to her bedroom. Not a complete sentence. Tom has a change of heart and can’t go through with it.  He tells he that he has been allowing her to hurt him and he can’t take the chance again.  She tells him she is dropping out of school and returning home because the city the city? isn’t what she thought it would be.  Tom agrees to give it one more try, but only if she’s prepared to make it permanent.  They decide on a Christmas Eve wedding.

Flash forward five years to Tom’s 30th birthday.  Everyone is enjoying themselves while Stephanie sits alone watching the party go on around her.  Piper notices that Stephanie is in labor and calls Tom over to them.  She gives birth to their third child, a boy they name after Tom.  At this point, Stephanie realizes that she has what she’s wanted all along.

[cheermom]

Thank you.  I know I put too much in.  I've found it's easier for me to remove something than try to figure what else to add.  I appreciate your help.  Karma for helping me.