Riverside

[Nina]

Known as one of the best hospitals in the country, Riverside remained humble in the outskirts of a growing commercial city. Its original structure was nothing more than a simple brick building expanding over the years to incorporate the latest technology. Three ambulances parked before a massive emergency bay while cluster of people waited anxiously around the vehicles. Along the side of the building another group took hasty puffs from their cigarettes while unarmed security guard shooed them away pointing to the signs. He started away shaking his head then froze at the sight of a young woman.

[Falen]

Known as one of the best hospitals in the country, Riverside remained humble in the outskirts of a growing commercial city. Its original structure was nothing more than a simple brick building expanding over the years to incorporate the latest technology. Three ambulances parked before a massive emergency bay while cluster of people waited anxiously around the vehicles. Along the side of the building another group took hasty puffs from their cigarettes while unarmed security guard shooed them away pointing to the signs. He started away shaking his head then froze at the sight of a young woman.

I guess i'm a little confused about who the "he" refers to in the last sentence. Before that, you only refer to groups of people, not a specific individual, so the sudden pronoun took me completely out and i had to re-read two times just to make sure i hadn't missed something.

That said, i like the setting description, but i kinda wished you had started with a character instead and described Riverside maybe in paragraph two.

[Zooks]

I knew you were referring to the security guard, but also wish you'd started with humans before brick and mortar. It would have more grab appeal to have that sighting the young woman sooner.

Known as one of the best hospitals in the country, Riverside remained humble in the outskirts of a growing commercial city. Its original structure was nothing more than a simple brick building expanding over the years to incorporate the latest technology. Three ambulances parked before [this is nitpicky but I remember a teacher saying the use of 'before' makes it sound as those the ambulances parked before the the emergency bay parked - so instead, use 'in front of'] a massive emergency bay while a cluster of people waited anxiously around the vehicles. Along the side of the building another group took hasty puffs from their cigarettes while an unarmed security guard shooed them away pointing to the signs. He started away shaking his head, then froze at the sight of a young woman.

[Falen]

Ok yeah, the security guard makes sense. So much so that i'm wondering if i was drunk when i read this before...? 

[Nina]

This is more rough drafty, thanks to yall's wonderful comments and help from Tabris, I am in the process of revising the first chapter. It was a little nerve-wracking moving away from the introduction of Riverside since it's place is just as important to the story as any of the characters .

Nia Dragon waited against the cold brick wall of Riverside hospital. Renown as one of the best hospitals in the country, Riverside remained humble against the growing city. A security guard approached, shooing away people violating the anti-smoking policy, some swore while others were defiant to the powerless man. He hesitated when he came close to Nia, who knew better than him that she had broken no rules. He hesitated because her military uniform was a sharp contrast to any branch of his army. She wore, a forest green suit, tailored to her slender build, above her right breast was a silver dragon insignia marking her place in the force.

[Zooks]

Think it needs a little tightening re: sentence structure.  I like this.

Nia Dragon waited against the cold brick wall of Riverside hospital. Renown as one of the best hospitals in the country, Riverside remained humble against the growing city. A security guard approached, shooing away people violating the anti-smoking policy,.  Some swore while others were remained, defiant to the powerless man. He hesitated when he came close to Nia, who knew better than him that she had broken no rules. [this it is awkward to me - did Nia know better than him?  Or is it a question of who knew better than him?]  He hesitated, because her military uniform was a sharp contrast to any branch of his army. [this confused m - his army?  Thought he was a powerless security guard?]  She wore, a forest green suit, tailored to her slender build,.  Above her right breast was a silver dragon insignia marking her place in the force.

[Nina]

Thanks! I'm working on POV issues, but it is getting easier I think.

Nia Dragon waited against the cold brick wall of Riverside hospital. Renown as one of the best in the country, Riverside remained humble against the growing city. A security guard approached, shooing away people violating the anti-smoking policy some swore while others remained, defiant to the powerless man. He hesitated when he came close to Nia, her military uniform stood out as a sharp contrast to any branch of his country’s army. She wore a forest green suit tailored to her slender build. A sliver dragon insignia pinned above her right breast marking her place as Commander of the force.

[Zooks]

Nia Dragon waited against the cold brick wall of Riverside hospital. Renown as one of the best in the country, Riverside remained humble against the growing city. A security guard approached, shooing away people violating the anti-smoking policy. Some swore while others remained, defiant to the powerless man. He hesitated when he came close to Nia, her military uniform stood out as a sharp contrast to any branch of his country’s army. She wore a Her forest green suit was tailored to her slender build, a sliver dragon insignia pinned above her right breast marking her place as Commander of the force.

I like this. Good job.

[Nina]

Wow this is amazing. A few tips from QT peoples and my first paragraph morphed, it doesn't even resemble this. Thanks everyone.

[LateToTheParty]

BRMyers reminded me that the protag MUST should be in the first and no latter than the second line. The only way you get away with not doing this is if your name is MARTIN, KING, HERBERT, or first/middle name is Best Selling Author. Just saying.

[Tabris]

I was just reading a writing book that discussed opening scenes where the protagonist isn't featured at all. It can be done.    Of course, you need a different POV character in the scene, who should appear no later than the second sentence...