What starts out as a simple case helping a neighbour find her little boy’s lost dog snowballs into kidnapping, stealing human organs, and murder. Interesting...
While they (who?) are searching the woods they find a freshly dug grave and thinking it may contain the dog, they dig it up. Instead they find two bodies that had been separated by a thin dirt wall. Nearby they find the dog dehydrated, hurt, muzzled, and tied to a tree.
When her former lover and ex-detective Amanda Posey finds out that Jordan’s case is connected to hers she convinces her to help the authorities find out who is behind the kidnappings and gather enough evidence to send them to prison. These two paragraphs don't jibe. It seems like they have nothing to do with each other.
Fearing that Jordan and Erin are getting too close to finding out who they are, the kidnappers sends someone to attack one of the sisters hoping to slow them down long enough to save his wife’s life. Instead it fuels the sisters’ anger and strengthens their resolve. This makes absolutely no sense. Where did the wife come in? I'm so confused...
GONE is an 83,400 word suspense novel about former New York detective Jordan St. James who now calls Crescent Valley, California home. Now that she is unemployed she uses her investigative skills to help people with an occasional assist from her sister Erin. ---> In my opinion, you should lead with Jordan, and keep the query focused on her. You have some interesting...ahem...bones here, but for me, the query is pretty disjointed. There's nothing that ties it all together. Each paragraph reads like a separate idea.
This story takes place in present day California from the third person perspective. Readers who have read The Angel Maker by Ridley Pearson and Harvest by Tess Gerritsen will also enjoy Gone.
I would like to thank you for taking the time to review my query. If you are interested in reading my book I can email it to you within a matter of minutes. I have also sent queries to other agents.
They pretty much know that. Just a "Thank you for your consideration" will suffice. I hope this helps, sweetie. <3