Another go - The B.I.M. - MG scifi

[ChokeCherry]

After gathering everyone's great comments, I went back to the drawing board and came up with this. I hope I'm getting closer!

The B.I.M - Basic Intelligence Model - Middle Grade

Thirteen-year-old DANIEL BIM plans to spend the afternoon at the swimming hole, but when he discovers a ten-inch alien named ERNIE eating breakfast in his refrigerator, he knows it's not going to happen. Ernie claims an evil lord has it in for him. Daniel doesn’t believe it until five mini-UFO’s blast his bedroom to smithereens.  With Ernie’s help, he escapes to the squishy planet of Albin, where he meets the head-strong Princess TYRA. Although she expected him to save her throne, she decides he’s not the hero material she’d hoped for and dismisses him.
 
Daniel returns to Earth glad to be rid of the crazy aliens, but can’t believe his eyes, when he finds Tyra sitting in his math class. She’s obviously changed her mind. Hero or not, she demands that he saves her planet and refuses to leave until he does. Her demanding attitude doesn’t make Daniel want to help her - not at all. He tries to ignore her, but it doesn't work. Instead, his best friend, PETE, falls head over heels for the pretty princess.

Although the aliens promise not to 'force' Daniel into anything, they transfer him back to Albin, this time to the underwater realm of the Mudlumps. Tyra finds the fishy creatures below her princessy level, but their simple nature wins over Daniel’s friendship. Irritated that Daniel likes the creatures, Tyra reveals his secret past:  a clone, created from an ancient hero’s blood to stop the evil lord, but thrown away as faulty trash after his birth. She seems to believe that Daniel will help her, now that he knows the reasons behind his creation. Her hopes back-fire.

Daniel doesn’t want anything to do with her or the aliens, not when they dubbed him as trash. He returns to Earth, but Tyra isn’t giving up. She follows him to school and spreads the rumor that he and her are a couple. Sure that Daniel's been lying and has stolen his girl, Pete refuses to talk to Daniel, and the rest of Daniel’s friends take Pete’s side. Daniel confronts Tyra, but before he can tell her to get lost, she transfers with him back to Albin – smack dab in the middle of the evil lord’s camp.

Tyra claimes the transfer was a mistake. She didn't want to bring him there. Since the evil lord is waiting outside, ready to execute them, Daniel decides to believe her. With simple tricks he learned on the farm, they manage to escape and flee up a cliff wall. They discover the entrance to a cave, which leads to the Underlands of Albin. The Underland creatures, the MINERS, recognize Daniel as the clone of their long lost ally and friend. They take Daniel to their leader, a golden beast, who insures Daniel that Albin can’t be saved by strength, but only through a wise heart.

Back on Earth, Tyra explains that the evil lord is planning an attack on the last 'free' area of Albin. She wants to call her rebels to retreat, admitting that they have never really stood up against the evil lord. Daniel disagrees with her plans and convinces the aliens to fight for their home. The aliens agree under one condition: as true heir to Albin’s throne, Tyra must stay on Earth out of harm’s way, and Daniel should protect her.

To distract Tyra from the war on Albin, Daniel invites her to the Corncob Festival. As they go to meet up with the only person in school, which is still talking to Daniel, Tyra realizes how difficult she’s made his life and helps him smooth things out with Pete. Just as life seems to be half-way back to normal, Ernie appears.  The battle on Albin isn’t going as planned.  Together with Tyra, Daniel returns to Albin. He has nothing to set against the evil lord's army, but knows that his new found friends, the Miners and Mudlumps do.  With their help, Daniel lures the lord's army into a canyon and destroys it. In a last battle with the evil lord himself, Daniel discovers that he's not as weak as he thought, and manges to destroy him.

With Tyra back on her throne, Daniel returns to his quiet life on Earth, but realizes that maybe he doesn't want it so quite after all.

[LateToTheParty]

After gathering everyone's great comments, I went back to the drawing board and came up with this. I hope I'm getting closer!

The B.I.M - Basic Intelligence Model - Middle Grade

Thirteen-year-old DANIEL BIM discovers a ten-inch alien named ERNIE eating breakfast in his refrigerator. Ernie claims an evil lord has it in for him, but  Daniel doesn’t believe it until five mini-UFO’s blast his bedroom to smithereens.  With Ernie’s help, he Daniel escapes to the squishy planet of Albin, where he meets the head-strong Princess TYRA. Although she expected him to save her throne, she dismisses him, insisting he’s not the hero material she’d hoped for.
 
Daniel returns to Earth glad to be rid of the crazy aliens, but can’t believe his eyes, when he finds Tyra sitting in his math class. She’s changed her mind. Hero or not, she demands that he saves her planet and refuses to leave until he does. Her demanding attitude doesn’t make Daniel want to help her - not at all (This reads awkward.) Try: doesn't inspire or compell Daniel to help her-at all.. He tries to ignores her, but it doesn't work. Instead, his best friend, PETE, falls head over heels for the pretty princess.

Although the aliens promise not to 'force' Daniel into anything, they transfer him against his will back to Albin, this time to the underwater realm of the Mudlumps. Tyra finds the fishy creatures below her princessy level, but their simple nature wins over Daniel’s friendship. Irritated that Daniel likes the creatures, Tyra reveals his secret past:  a clone, created from an ancient hero’s blood to stop the evil lord, but thrown away as faulty trash after his birth. She seems to believe that Daniel will help her, now that he knows the reasons behind his creation. Her hopes back-fire. (Nice turn.)

Daniel doesn’t want anything to do with her or the aliens, not when he/she/they dubbed him as trash. He returns to Earth, but Tyra isn’t giving up. She follows him to school and spreads the rumor that they and her are a couple. Sure that Daniel's been lying, Pete refuses to talk to him, and the rest of Daniel’s friends take Pete’s side. Daniel confronts Tyra, but as he tells her to disappear, she transfers with him back to Albin – smack dab in the middle of the evil lord’s camp.

Since they are both about to be executed, Daniel believes that Tyra made a mistake and didn't mean to bring them there. With simple (Never dispell conflict/tension.) tricks he learned on the farm, they manage to escape and flee up a cliff wall. They discover the entrance to a cave, which leads to the Underlands of Albin. The Underland creatures, the MINERS, recognize Daniel as the clone of their long lost ally and friend. They take Daniel to their leader, NAME a golden beast SPECIES. NameThe beast insures Daniel that Albin can’t be saved by strength, but only through a wise heart.

Back on Earth, Tyra admits that the evil lord is planning an attack on the last 'free' area of Albin. She wants to call her rebels to retreat, admitting that they have never really stood up against the evil lord. Daniel disagrees with her plans and convinces the aliens to fight. The aliens agree under one condition: as true heir to Albin’s throne, Tyra must stay on Earth out of harm’s way, and Daniel should protect her.

To distract Tyra from the war on Albin, Daniel takes her to the Corncob Festival. As they go to meet up with Daniel's last friend, Tyra realizes how difficult she’s made his life and helps him smooth things out with Pete and his friends. Just as life seems to be half-way back to normal, Ernie appears. (This still swings out of the trees in tone/pacing.) Try: Tyra worries for the war and wanders with Daniel in tow. When she sees Daniel shunned by a group of his former friends, Tyra realizes how difficult she's made his life and decides to reconcile Daniel and Pete.  The battle on Albin isn’t doesn't going as planned.  Together with Tyra, Daniel returns to Albin. He has nothing to set against the evil lord's army, but knows that his new found friends, the Miners and Mudlumps do.  With their help combined, crack forces/secret mud weapon/spear and magic helmet, the army is destroyed, and Tyra is returned to her throne.

As you see, I got nothing more than quibbles. Can't wait to read your success story, CC. Buona Fortuna. 

[ChokeCherry]

Secret mud weapons! What a great idea for my next MS 

Thanks with the help on the last paragraph. For some reason, I just can't get it to go.

Karma to you!