Can I rant for a second? (queries are evil)

[tlbodine]

I am frustrated nearly to the point of tears with my query.  I just...no matter what I do, I can't seem to make it work.  The book is fantasy, but it's extremely character-driven -- it's as much a character's journey through his own tormented past as it is a journey across the faerie world where it's set.  Everything that makes the story really good and unique and interesting is related to the character, not the plot, which is very straightforward. 

The actual basic plot is extremely simple:  A child disappears and his social worker, while searching for him, finds a doorway to a faerie world; he goes through it and realizes that he has to get out of the world asap because it will kill him; before he leaves, he has to find the missing kid, and in the process he gets captured by evil faeries who want to use him for fuel; he manages to escape the faeries, gets a chance to go home, turns down the opportunity to go home because he refuses to leave without the kid, ends up having to face and overcome his worst nightmares (literally) and ultimately is faced with the choice between rescuing the kid and returning to the human world with him, or staying in the faerie world with the ghost/memory of his dead little sister (who is ultimately behind the kidnapping of the kid in the first place). 

That's the whole plot, in one exceptionally run-on sentence! 

But it just....is that /good/ enough?  Is just that very basic hook -- "guy goes looking for a kid and realizes he's being held hostage by his own nightmare in another world" -- 1. interesting enough and 2. even make any freaking sense? (and for that matter, we don't even find out that the person holding the kid hostage is Adrian's nightmare until way later in the book.)

Honestly, if I were JUST synopsizing the first 3 chapters, it would be, "Guy goes looking for a missing kid and stumbles trough a portal to another world that will kill him if he can't get out of it."

There's so much *else* going on in the story.  There's faerie politics, and all the mechanics of the world, and all of Adrian's backstory that gets developed over the duration of the novel, and that part is especially important because of the big reveal at the end (that Adrian's own memories/dreams have come alive and are responsible for kidnapping the kid, meaning that he very literally has to battle with himself) and all this nuance and metaphors and imagery and and and....

...ok, ok, I know.  Everybody has this problem.  Everybody's book is way better/more complicated/more interesting than they can possibly make it seem in a couple of paragraphs or one sentence.  It's just so unfair!  *insert foot-stamping and whining and tantrum-throwing here*

*sigh* Ok.  I'm done ranting.  I don't even know if there was a question in all that.  I'm too frustrated to think clearly and form questions. 

[Tabris]

Any book that could be accurately summarized in 250 words wouldn't be worth reading. I think that's pretty much the issue you're facing. You packed 75,000 to 100,000 words into a novel and distilling it into 250 words is going to cut out some of the material.

I want you to take a deep breath and play a game of pretend. Here's the situation: your next door neighbor called you, frantic, begging you to take her to the emergency room. You grabbed a copy of your novel off the shelf, where it was magically just sitting there bound and printed and with a cover, and drove her there. When you get there, you realize you don't have your wallet, and the ER staff tells you it's going to be five hours. You're hungry. There are vending machines, but you don't have any money.

You start re-reading your book and loving it. While you're doing that, I come sit down in the waiting area. Finally I say, "Are you reading a book?"

Instead of telling me, "No, I'm sewing buttons on pickles," you humor me and say, "Yes."

I say, "Is it any good?"

That's when you have a wicked idea: if you can SELL me your book, you'll have enough money for the vending machines and you won't be so hungry. You have a stack more books at home, so it's not a big deal to sell me this copy. The only thing you'll need to do is convince me to buy it.

Now, given that, how are you going to pitch me the book?  Well, first you'll want to get me excited about it, and then you'll want to slip in the idea that I'll want to read it, and then you'll make the generous offer that well you COULD let this copy go... 

But what you're not going to do is say, "Adrian's dream world is multifaceted and nuanced with the regrets he never let go of in his childhood" or "There are five political parties in the Faerie world, but the two most important ones are the Lavenders, who have the Purple States, and the Creamies, with the Cream States, and they're split about the most important socioeconomic issues facing their country, namely..."

This stuff may be VITAL to the story, but it's not vital to the pitch. The pitch needs to be a separate entity.

I think you *would* say, "It's about a social worker whose assignment disappears into another dimension, and instead of doing what most government employees would do and lose the paperwork, this guy goes looking for the kid and ends up in a Faerie world."

I'd probably chuckle at the government employee line and say, "How'd that happen?"

You'd say, "Well this world is weird, it's like all the weird dreams you've ever had, with things changing into other things, and there are faeries in there who like to use human beings as fuel, so not only does he have to find the kid--if he's even still alive--but he can't get caught."

It's not about giving an accurate portrait of the story. It's about teasing us and making us just as hungry as you are. You don't really care about conveying the nuances of his twenty-year-old relationship with his dead sister as much as you care about making me shell over five bucks so you can get a sandwich.

Make yourself feel better: go look on your bookshelf at your favorite books. Re-read their back cover copy (if you ever read it in the first place.*)  Look at how much they leave out. But it still interested you enough to get you reading, right? Even if it didn't convey the subtleties of the character's growth?

It's okay. Take a deep breath. Sell me your book.


--
*more than half the time, I have not.

[MittensMorgul]

Well said, Tabris! I was on a website the other day where people were posting their "elevator pitch" for their novels. It's a fun exercise, trying to distill your entire manuscript down into a couple of sentences. You might want to go over and read them. There's no way to detail your entire plot if you only have two minutes to pitch your book to someone, so you might want to check out how people were managing it:  http://annmariewalker.blogspot.com/2012/05/elevator-pitch.html

If nothing else, you can get a idea of what works and what doesn't in a very short pitch.

In a query, the reader doesn't have any feeling for your characters yet, so even if the plot is entirely character driven, talking about their inner journey isn't going to do much for the agent reading it. If you hack up your run-on sentence that described your entire plot, you've got the bones of a pretty good query. It might sound crap to you, because you know how much more is really at stake for the MC, but nobody else does. The rest of the backstory/subplot is for the novel, not the query.

Good luck!

[Midwest]

I sympathize; queries are tough. As a jumping off point, I recommend you take a look at Nathan Bransford's blog, and his post on how to write a MadLibs query. It's formulaic, but I thought it gave me a good start and maybe it'll help you too. Good luck. 

[Chandara]

Tabris, can I bottle you up and take you with me so you can explain mine...to me.   

I agree, queries are hard. I'm ranting right there with you.

[AnyaHarker]

HAH! This time I'm not drunk, I'm waiting for an exam to start and I STILL say I want to be like you when I grow up, Tabris. Or, well, maybe that's the exam delirium setting in. Quite possible, y'know.


In any case, what Tabris said is smack dab on the money. Sometimes, too, you need to step back, trash your original query and go at something brand new. It's hard, mind, but there are times when you can't see past what you liked originally and what is actually working. I think by the time I came up with the query that's actually getting requests (touch wood), the only similarities between my old query and the new were the words "When seventeen-year-old Gwen Masterson".

It's hard, but you can do it. And follow Tabris's advice. She's amazing.

[lexcade]

Tabris, I want to clone you and keep you to tell me all kinds of uplifting, important things when I'm having one of many crisis moments. <3

[bodwen]

Perfect analogy, Tabris!   

[LydiaT]

Yeah, I though about saying something, but there's no way I can top Tabris. How can one person be so wise?

[tlbodine]

Tabris is, like, the QT Yoda. 

Thanks guys, for letting me get that off my chest.  I feel much better today.  I got picked on that contest after all  and I think the coach and I can tease out the things that aren't really working and try to get this as awesome as possible. 

[Rookie]

Tabris's post was so powerful that I registered on the forum just to extend a great big THANK YOU! I've been reading about queries, how to, how not to, for nearly a year now. By far your post, Tabris, clicked for me more than any other. Spent the morning revising mine. Mine's had many iterations, with moderate success, but your post gave me a new insight into the heart of my story. QT Yoda, indeed. I'm in awe.

Ok, now let's see if it can fly:) I'll keep you posted.

Thanks again for your generous spirit.

[Tabris]

Wow, Rookie, thank you. I really appreciate that. :-) Good luck with your query!

[LisaAnn]

Agree with everyone here. Team Tabris. 

[kelcrocker]

I'm new to the forum, but after reading a few threads and somehow finding myself on this one...I am in LOVE!

First of all, thanks tlbodine, for sharing your feelings. I have been very frustrated with my query and this process lately, and it feels good to know I'm not alone! I also really appreciate the feedback from Tabris and everyone else!

I also have to laugh about this crazy thing we're all doing.  Tlbodine, you say that your plot is simple and (at the same time) you can't sum it all up. I'm right there with you--and, as Tabris said, trying to "summarize" a novel in 250 words is impossible. That's why it feels that way. But i also have to smile at you worrying about your plot being too simple. It's not. It sounds fascinating, actually, but I wouldn't call it simple or "routine faery story where guy is battling his dreams." My only question--and I may have just skipped over this in your explanation--was that I didn't realize at first that the kid was in the faery world. (Obviously, I got that later when the guy risks his life to stay and save the kid.)

Good luck and I'm glad you're feeling better!

Best,
kellye