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Author Topic: MG QUERY- Any thoughts?  (Read 177 times)
Stefwrites
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« on: May 15, 2012, 01:11:39 PM »

 
Faith Fargo aches for home. But ever since Daddy died, she’s been stuck at the Bethel church shelter, her cot jammed between her little sister and a Goth girl accused of arson.

Mama keeps praying for a miracle, but Faith knows they need cold, hard cash—enough to pay the late mortgage bill and save their house from auction. When she hears about the Girls World story contest—with its $1,000 Grand Prize—she opens her journal and starts writing.

Too bad the Power of the Pen Champion is threatening to steal her story, blab her real address, and mock her friendship with a chubby girl everyone calls “Fatso”. Not that it matters. Faith can’t even afford the entry fee.

Turns out, it takes more than talent to win a nationwide writing contest. For Faith, it takes belief in unexpected friendships. And maybe, just maybe, in a power greater than herself.

MIRACLES AND MUSTARD SEEDS, a MG manuscript complete at 40,000 words, was inspired by my work with the Family Promise Church Shelter Network. I was a Top 25 finalist in the 2012 National Association of Elementary School Principals Book of the Year contest and a winner in the 2011 Miss Snark’s Bakers Dozen agent auction. My nonfiction credits include the LA Times, Christian Science Monitor, Seattle Times, The Writer, Cleveland Magazine, Akron Beacon Journal, This I Believe, three Cup of Comfort and thirteen Chicken Soup for the Soul anthologies. I am a member of SCBWI and the Verla Kay Blueboards.
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Zooks
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www.MaryVettel.com


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« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2012, 11:38:20 PM »

Hey Stefwrites - I remember this and I remember liking it.  Still do.  Sounds like a very cute idea that kids would really enjoy.  I'd like to know Faith's age right up front.  Your query is only 151 words - you don't include your bio in the word count - so you've got some wiggle room to show us more about Faith and her situation.  Like mentioning that the Power of the Pen Champion is a classmate?  I like the idea of her being near the Goth girl and I hope she's the unexpected friend who helps her with the entry fee.  Good luck with this.  Kool-Aid  Karma.

Faith Fargo aches for home. But ever since Daddy died, she’s been stuck at the Bethel church shelter, her cot jammed between her little sister and a Goth girl accused of arson.

Mama keeps praying for a miracle, but Faith knows they need cold, hard cash—enough to pay the late mortgage bill and save their house from auction. When she hears about the Girls World story contest—with its $1,000 Grand Prize—she opens her journal and starts writing.

Too bad the Power of the Pen Champion is threatening to steal her story, blab her real address, and mock her friendship with a chubby girl everyone calls “Fatso”. Not that it matters. Faith can’t even afford the entry fee.

Turns out, it takes more than talent to win a nationwide writing contest. For Faith, it takes belief in unexpected friendships. And maybe, just maybe, in a power greater than herself.
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ChokeCherry
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« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2012, 03:54:28 AM »

Sounds like you have a good voice in this story!
Like Zooks said - it's not clear who Power of the Pen is, and Faith needs an age if this is MG. I'd personally like to hear a little bit more... maybe about Faith's difficulties with Pen or her relationship to Fatso? Something to make the query more rounded. At the moment, I feel like its a bit jabby - everything's there but it doesn't flow as nicely as it could.

Good luck!
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Casper
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« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2012, 07:51:52 AM »

The only thing I'd add to this is Faith's age. The rest is clear and well written and I didn't feel like anything needed adding. I usually get a little, um, shreddy with queries, but this is really very good. I think as long as you've got a list of agents who are happy to take on Christian/faith-based works, you would get requests from this.

Good luck!
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Midwest
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« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2012, 08:28:40 AM »

I love the sound of this (and I'm not really into MG). I agree w/ Zooks - you have room to tell us who the Power of the Pen is, so please do. Sounds like the MG experts are telling you to add Faith's age and I can see the wisdom in that, too. Best of luck w/ this!
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raindrop
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« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2012, 11:13:17 AM »

I agree. Nicely written and I'd include her age and explain Power of the Pen.

The voice really comes through and is terrific.
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