YA sci-fi

[singular]

Any help is greatly appreciated!

Dear Mrs...

I hope to interest you in my YA sci-fi re-telling of Romeo and Juliet in the vein of Battlestar Galactica. Singularity is complete at 60,000 words.

Jules is a singular, the last of the cyborgs. Paris is the son of a bridge engineer. Ty is a foot soldier who ends up in command under chaos. Meo is a forbidden love interest from the Montague Ward. Benny is his fatally wounded little sister. They all live on Verona, a giant spaceship in the Venetian quadrant, and Escalus is the mainframe computer who oversees everything.

The Stellans, a technologically advanced alien race, ambush Verona. They wipe out every major commander, including Captain Rosa Lind. They even disable Escalus, pushing clusters of survivors into the safety of their respective Capulet and Montague wards. The scientists hadn’t finished programming Jules when the second wave hit. Now, she’s the last cyborg, albeit an incomplete one, and the only one who can save Verona.

Jules knows her straightforward mission, but a run-in with Meo challenges her human emotions. Meo hasn’t stopped thinking about Jules since seeing her before the attack, despite the Montague’s disdain of singulars and others from the Capulet Ward. Amid pandemonium, they share a first kiss in the deserted auditorium balcony. Their romance is ill fated from the beginning, but Jules could never tell him that programming dictates she must sacrifice her life for Verona. While Paris works on bringing Escalus online, Jules slips onto the invading ship to destroy it from the inside. Here, she discovers the horrible fate of her human masters.

My writing credits include... I'm a member of....

(Thanks and contact info here)

[singular]

Here's a slightly revised version, cutting out secondary characters and sticking to the main plot. Maybe this is better?


I hope to interest you in my YA sci-fi re-telling of Romeo and Juliet in the vein of Battlestar Galactica. Singularity is complete at 60,000 words.

Jules is a singular, the last of the cyborgs. Meo is her forbidden love interest from the Montague Ward. Paris is the son of a bridge engineer. They all live on Verona, a giant spaceship in the Venetian quadrant, and Escalus is the mainframe computer who oversees everything.

Aliens ambush Verona. They wipe out every major commander. They even disable Escalus, pushing clusters of survivors into the safety of their respective Capulet and Montague wards. The scientists hadn’t finished programming Jules when the second wave hit. Now, she’s the last cyborg, albeit an incomplete one, and Verona’s last hope.

Jules knows her straightforward mission, but a run-in with Meo challenges her human emotions. Meo hasn’t stopped thinking about Jules since seeing her before the attack, despite the Montague’s disdain of singulars and others from the Capulet Ward. Amid pandemonium, they share a first kiss in the deserted auditorium balcony. Their romance is ill fated from the beginning, but Jules could never tell him that she must sacrifice her life for Verona. While Paris works on bringing Escalus online, Jules slips onto the invading ship to destroy it from the inside. Here, she discovers the horrible fate of her human masters and struggles between compromised emotions and hard-wired duty.

[CourtneyBuc]

Hi there,
I like your query. Needs a bit of focusing, I think.

You were right to remove the cast of characters, so I'll work with this second version. You tend to introduce ideas and take them nowhere. What good is introducing Escalus if we don't know what role it plays in the plot? The stacatto introduction of characters at the beginning is not scintillating reading. Why is she Verona's last hope? You just say that, but we'll get invested in your story if you tell us why. Don't switch POV by telling us that Meo has been thinking about her. The rest of this query is her POV, so keep it consistent. Perhaps tell us more about the horror awaiting humans to give us details we can hook onto and see as unique features of your story (unless that takes us past the first 100 pages of your book...you shouldn't go much further than that in a query).

start with the story...

Jules is a sSingular, the last of the cyborgs - and incomplete at that.. Meo is her forbidden love interest from the Montague Ward. Paris is the son of a bridge engineer. They all live on Verona, She lives on Verona, a giant spaceship in the Venetian quadrant, and Escalus is the mainframe computer who oversees everything recently ambused by aliens who disable the mainframe computer responsible for overseeing ...what? life? society? education? justice? .

Aliens ambush Verona. They wipe out every major commander. They even disable Escalus, pushing cClusters of survivors into retreat to the safety of their respective Capulet and Montague wards. The scientists hadn’t finished programming Jules when the second wave hit. Now, she’s the last cyborg, albeit an incomplete one, and Verona’s last hope.

Jules knows her straightforward programmed mission is to sacrifice her life for Verona, but a run-in with give some adjectives here, like rebellious, cocky, intriguing, something to let us get a mental idea of who he is, what he's about... Montague Meo challenges revives her human emotions. Meo hasn’t stopped thinking about Jules since seeing her is the only boy she's ever kissed. It was before the attack, and all the more special because ofdespite the Montague’s disdain of singulars and others from the Capulet Ward. Amid pandemonium, they share a first kiss in the deserted auditorium balcony. Their romance is ill fated from the beginning, but Jules could never tell him that she must sacrifice her life for Verona. While Paris works on bringing Escalus online, Following the master plan encoded in her system, Jules slips onto the invading alien ship to destroy it from the inside. Here, she only to discover the horrible fate of awaiting her human masters. Now she must choose and struggles between her compromised emotions and hard-wired duty.

I hope to interest you in my SINGULARITY, a 60,000-word is a YA sci-fi is a re-telling of Romeo and Juliet in the vein of Battlestar Galactica. Singularity is complete at 60,000 words.

Best of luck!

[singular]

Great advice! Thanks. I was torn between summarizing the entire story and giving the basic plot. You've given me a good direction to focus on.

[singular]

Here is yet another updated version.


Jules is a Singular, the last of the cyborgs, and an incomplete one at that. She lives on Verona, a giant spaceship in the Venetian quadrant under alien attack. When the Stellans wipe out every commander, pilot, and officer, Jules ends up being the only one left who can secure the bridge and defeat the aliens. Except, the Stellans disable Escalus, and without this mainframe, systems are down and life on Verona quickly fades. 

Clusters of survivors retreat to the safety of the Capulet and Montague wards. Jules is determined to do whatever it takes to save Verona, but a run-in with the captivating Meo challenges her human emotions. He’s the only person who thinks of her as human, as a sentient being worth loving, even if the Montague’s hate her kind. Directed by master programming, Jules slips onto the invading alien ship to destroy it from the inside. Her chances of returning to Verona are slim, but when she discovers the horrors awaiting her human masters she must choose between hard-wired duty and compromised emotions.

Singularity, a 60,000 word YA sci-fi, is a retelling of Romeo and Juliet in the vein of Battlestar Galactica.