YA Paranormal/Ghost story

[AnyaHarker]

SO. Here's the start of it. XD


Blah, blah, blahbity, blah.

I suppose our tour guide is using actual words instead of sounding like the teacher from Peanuts, but I stopped listening about twenty minutes ago. Meanwhile, the rest of my classmates are staring at their surroundings like they’ve never seen anything like it — complete with oohs and aaahs. Honestly. It’s a castle. You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. They’re big, they’re gaudy, they’re a remnant of ages past, and they’re things I’ve been wandering about since I was old enough to be trusted not to accidentally touch — and thus break — some priceless heirloom.

[greenland]

Anya, the MC sounds interesting - someone who roams castles, not any regular boy (or girl?). Some doubts that I have as a reader: what is the age when a person can be trusted not to touch a priceless heirloom? (I'm not sure I'm at this age yet, but somehow I'm sure that my 17 years old will not be able to resist touching); can you call a castle 'thing'? (creates strange association in my mind, maybe dwelling?) Also, I know what MC doesn't want to do - listen to the teacher, but I have no idea what he wants to do. Hope that helps a bit...

[Zooks]

Castles!!!  Yes!!!!  The MC sounds snooty - I hope he/she gets a good fright soon. 

[LateToTheParty]

SO. Here's the start of it. XD

I suppose our tour guide is using actual words instead of sounding like the teacher from Peanuts, but it all sounds like, Blah, blah, blahbity, blah, to me.

I suppose our tour guide is using actual words instead of sounding like the teacher from Peanuts, but Honestly, I stopped listening about twenty minutes ago. Meanwhile, the rest of my classmates are staring at their surroundings like they’ve never seen anything like it — complete with oohs and aaahs. Honestly. It’s a castle. You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. They’re big, they’re gaudy, they’re a remnant of ages past, (I'm presuming we're talking a teenaged protag and the last five words reads older to me.) Try: gaudy, drafty and smell like medeaval socks.and they’re things I’ve been wandering about since I was old enough to be trusted not to accidentally touch — and thus break — some priceless heirloom (I thought they cleared the good stuff out of hand distance?).

I don't get snooty and I've read maybe three horror books but this sounds like CANDY!

[AnyaHarker]

This is me. Doing a happy dance. :^D

And the break the priceless heirloom is covered in the next paragraph. Her parents (both living OMG) study castles for a living. *g*

[khosszu]

I really loved the writing, especially with LateToTheParty's suggestions.
I only had one question, and this may be just me, or something you explain later: if your MC has been interested in castles for a while, why is she/he not interested in listening to the tour guide?