here we go--synopsis to The Princess Paradox

[Careyrox]

I know it needs work.  This is my first draft. I figure I will let you guys take a peek, hear your questions, concerns, etc, then revise and edit. If this is anything like the query, I better get my kleenex ready, because that was a trying time!  Since I have read that you should have a long synopsis and a short one, this one is the 2 pager. I figure I will start here, then pare down for the one pager.


Synopsis for Princess Paradox:
Nora Roseberry would rather gouge her eye out with a cocktail weenie than attend her best friend's wedding. Weddings just remind her of how single and lonely she is, although admitting that is her worst fear.

Twenty-five year old Nora thinks she has it pretty good. She owns her own business, has a great apartment in San Francisco, and has her best friend to keep her occupied. Even though she should be satisfied with her life, she secretly longs for prince charming to whisk her away.

When her best friend threatens to hook Nora up with another random guy as her plus one for the wedding, Nora makes a deal. She'll find a date, on her terms, if her friend will stop talking about the fact that life should be a fairy tale.

After locking herself out, Nora does the unthinkable. She knocks on her neighbor's door. Sexy and alluring, he offers her his help and tells Nora she is his damsel in distress. Excited by the way he makes her feel, but convinced he is too much of a player to be a prince to anyone, she returns home with an inspiration. If she is the prey for men, then she'll turn the tables. She'll initiate the hunt. Nora places a want ad for a date in the local newspaper.

As Nora waits at her coffee shop for the would-be man mates to arrive, she is shocked and a teensy bit flattered when Aidan walks in. As she begins to get to know Aidan on a new level, she is surprised at how much she likes him, even though every cell in her body tells her he is just playing her like he does everyone else. But, Nora finds out Aidan is there to hook her up with his younger brother, Finn. Reluctantly, Nora agrees to the blind date with Finn, figuring she was right all along. Aidan's not interested in her.

Soon she realizes Finn is everything a prince charming should be, and in spite of herself, she is falling in love and becoming the very thing she despises most: a princess in a fairy tale romance.

In order to get her grandma's approval, Nora and Finn visit her for a weekend getaway. Instead of approval, Nora's grandma discovers what she tries to hide; Nora is in love, but not with Finn. Upset by her grandma's statement, she begins to hesitate with Finn. But at her best friend's wedding, Finn pops the question and Nora disregards her questions and excitedly says yes. However, Finn's mother would like his wife to be of a certain caliber, and Nora is not it.

As Finn escorts Nora home and into her bed for the first time, their moment is interrupted by a drunken Aidan. Nora overhears Aidan confessing to Finn he is in love with Nora. The next day, Finn passes Aidan's comments off as words of a drunk man. Nora avoids Aidan.

On the eve of the engagement party planned by Nora's soon to be mother in law, Nora helps to make sure everything is picture perfect to impress her. Aidan finds Nora and pleads with her to take a walk with him. Nora is upset at first, thinking Aidan is just trying to spoil another moment for her and Finn. Instead, she finds herself in his arms and immersed in his kiss after he declares his love and asks Nora to leave Finn.

The two are caught in their embrace by Aidan's youngest brother and Nora's best friend. As they try to knock some sense into her, Nora finds out about Aidan's garden--the place he takes women when he wants to score. Confronting him, Nora tells Aidan to stay out of her life.

But Aidan creeps into her mind at all the wrong times. Two nights before her wedding to Finn, repeating her mantra "no regrets", she knocks on Aidan's door to make amends. With an apology and a final admission of her feelings, Nora is forgiven. Aidan tells Nora the ball  is in her court, if she wants him, she'll have to make the move. Letting go of fears, she offers herself to Aidan, and they spend a magical night together, followed by the perfect day. At the end of their romantic affair, Nora is shocked when Aidan proposes.

On her wedding day, Nora is rattled with guilt at what she has done to Finn, who should be her ideal man. As she gets ready in the church, Nora is visited first by Finn. He carries a gift from his mom, a family heirloom, which represents Finn's mom finally giving her blessing to marry Finn. The second visitor is Aidan, who gets on bended knee properly with a ring, once again asking for Nora's hand. The third visitor is her grandma, who bestows wisdom if the form of a metaphor.

At the end of the aisle, all eyes are on her, waiting to hear her say "I do". Everyone, including Nora, is shocked when the words that come out of her mouth are "I don't".

With accusations as well as fists flying, Nora watches as Aidan steps up to announce his love for her. As she watches everyone in her life walk away with disgust, she realizes the only one who has been there all this time was Aidan. They leave together to start a new life. That life is threatened when Finn's mother takes revenge and sues Nora. Having nothing else to do, she sells her coffee shop to pay back the money for the botched wedding.

Knowing their relationship has too much baggage, Nora finds a new job in Seattle. She realizes that even though she loves Aidan, she must go and become the woman she needs to be before she ever will become a true princess. She changes her fairy tale ending, instead of love, she chooses herself.

[allegretta12]

Hi Careyrox. I'd like to know more about the two guys - what their personalities are like, and what's so great about Aidan vs. Finn. Why does Aiden arrange for Nora to date Finn anyways, if he likes her? I mean, Finn's never met her - why's Aiden so loyal to his brother then but not once Nora and Finn are engaged? I think you include some superfluous information - i.e. the visit to grandma, and grandma's mysterious metaphor at the end. Those events just raised more questions for me (Where are Nora's parents? Is she an orphan?) To be honest, I didn't sympathize a lot with Nora's choices (cheating on her fiance with his brother). I thought she was in love with Finn? My suggestion is to take out the extra info and make Nora's feelings about each man more clear. I hope that helps!

I know it needs work.  This is my first draft. I figure I will let you guys take a peek, hear your questions, concerns, etc, then revise and edit. If this is anything like the query, I better get my kleenex ready, because that was a trying time!  Since I have read that you should have a long synopsis and a short one, this one is the 2 pager. I figure I will start here, then pare down for the one pager.


Synopsis for Princess Paradox:
Nora Roseberry would rather gouge her eye out with a cocktail weenie than attend her best friend's wedding. Weddings just remind her of how single and lonely she is, although admitting that is her worst fear.

Twenty-five year old Nora thinks she has it pretty good. She owns her own business, has a great apartment in San Francisco, and has her best friend to keep her occupied. Even though she should be satisfied with her life, she secretly longs for prince charming to whisk her away.

When her best friend threatens to hook Nora up with another random guy as her plus one for the wedding, Nora makes a deal. She'll find a date, on her terms, if her friend will stop talking about the fact that life should be a fairy tale.

After locking herself out of her apartment, Nora does the unthinkable. She knocks on her neighbor's door. Sexy and alluring, he offers her his help and tells Nora she is his damsel in distress. Excited by the way he makes her feel, but convinced he is too much of a player to be a prince to anyone, she returns home with an inspiration. If she is the prey for men, then she'll turn the tables. This sentence isn't very strong, but I'm not sure enough of what you mean to give a suggestion on how to change it. She'll initiate the hunt. Nora places a want ad for a date in the local newspaper.

As Nora waits at her coffee shop for the would-be man mates to arrive, That might be too cutesy. she is shocked and a teensy bit flattered when Aidan walks in. Who's Aiden? I don't remember seeing his name previously. As she begins to get to know Aidan on a new level, she is surprised at how much she likes him, even though every cell in her body tells her he is just playing her like he does everyone else. But, Nora finds out Aidan is there to hook her up with his younger brother, Finn. Reluctantly, Nora reluctantly agrees to the blind date with Finn, figuring she was right all along. Aidan's not interested in her.

Soon she realizes Finn is everything a prince charming should be, and in spite of herself, she is falling in love and becoming the very thing she despises most: a princess in a fairy tale romance. Maybe break that into two sentences.

In order to get her grandma's approval, Nora and Finn visit her for a weekend getaway. Instead of approval, Nora's grandma discovers what she tries to hide; This phrase could be more graceful Nora is in love, but not with Finn. Upset by her grandma's statement, she begins to hesitate with Finn.maybe "she second guesses her feelings for Finn" But at her best friend's wedding, Finn pops the question and Nora disregards her questions and excitedly says yes. The repetition of question doesn't work. However, Finn's mother would like his wife to be of a certain caliber, and Nora is not it.

As Finn escorts Nora home and into her bed for the first time, their moment is interrupted by a drunken Aidan. Nora overhears Aidan confessing to Finn that he is in love with Nora. The next day, Finn passes Aidan's comments off as words of a drunk man. as drunken nonsense? Nora avoids Aidan.

On the eve of the engagement party planned by Nora's soon-to-be mother in law, Nora helps to make sure everything is picture perfect to impress her. Aidan finds Nora and pleads with her to take a walk with him. Nora is upset at first, thinking Aidan is just trying to spoil another moment for her and Finn. Instead, she finds herself in his arms and immersed in his kiss after he declares his love and asks Nora to leave Finn.

The two are caught in their embrace by Aidan's youngest brother So, a different brother? Not Finn?and Nora's best friend Could we have her name, since she's mentioned several times?. As they try to knock some sense into her, Nora finds out about Aidan's garden--the place he takes women when he wants to score. Confronting him, Nora tells Aidan to stay out of her life. I had to read that twice, because "Aidan's garden" didn't sound very scandalous.

But Aidan creeps into her mind at all the wrong times. Two nights before her wedding to Finn, repeating her mantra "no regrets", she knocks on Aidan's door to make amends. With an apology and a final admission of her feelings, Nora is forgiven. Aidan tells Nora the ball (extra space) is in her court, if she wants him, she'll have to make the move. Letting go of her fears, she offers herself to Aidan, and(period) Tthey spend a magical night together, followed by the a perfect day. At the end of their romantic affair, Nora is shocked when Aidan proposes.

On her wedding day, Nora is rattled with guilt at what she has done to Finn, who should be her ideal man. Why should he? As she gets ready in the church, Nora is visited first by Finn. He carries a gift from his mom, a family heirloom, which represents Finn's mom finally giving them her blessing to marry Finn. The second visitor is Aidan, who gets on bended knee properly with a ring, once again asking for Nora's hand. And? What was her reaction?The third visitor is her grandma, who bestows wisdom if the form of a metaphor. That's very vague

At the end of the aisle, all eyes are on her Nora, waiting for to hear her to say "I do". (because eyes don't hear) Everyone, including Nora, is shocked when the words that come out of her mouth are "I don't".

With the room full of accusations and as well as fists flying fists, Nora watches as Aidan steps up to announce his love for her Nora. As she watches everyone in her life walk away with disgust, she realizes the only one who has been there all this time was Aidan. Cliche They leave together to start a new life. That life is threatened when Finn's mother takes revenge and sues Nora. Having nothing else to do With no other option, she sells her coffee shop to pay back the money for the botched wedding.

Knowing their relationship has too much baggage, Nora finds a new job in Seattle. She realizes that even though she loves Aidan, she must go and become the woman she needs to be before she will ever will become a true princess. She changes her fairy tale ending,period Iinstead of love, she chooses herself.

[Careyrox]

It does. This is why I hate queries and synopsis. 

It becomes so clinical. From what I understand, they are supposed to be kind of outlines but with voice. I am working on another draft, but they are really tough.

 

[allegretta12]

I know what you mean. I spent all day trying to write mine  It can be very painful! (but also a little fun?)

[Careyrox]

I agree with many of your edits. Like I said, it was my first. I am thinking about how to tackle it differently. Hmmmm...

To answer your questions (and help myself sort things out), lots of people (looking at my many versions of query and this) ask the same thing you did. Why does Aidan set Nora up with his brother if he likes her.

The short answer is, when he answers the ad, he doesn't know it's her. They don't really know each other that well at this point, so he goes in fully expecting to hook his brother up. Since this novel is from Nora's POV, she never knows that he digs her. If I were writing from Aidan's POV, which I have been aching to do just for fun, you would find out that Aidan had already called his brother to ask if it was ok, set up the date, then went to go meet the girl from the ad. He was shocked as hell to see it was Nora. But since the date had already been set, he had to go forward with it. But he's cocky and knows he has a way with women, so he assumes he can just charm his way into her life, hoping Finn and her don't really hit it off, even though he knows in his heart they will. But as things start going well with Nora and Finn, he starts to fight for her. Nora, knows how great Finn is. He's old fashioned and sweet, and has his blackberry programmed with all the month anniversaries that he sees with her so he can surprise her with gifts. He's a romantic in every way. Nora feels the pressure to fall in love with him, even though she knows (if she would just be honest with herself for one damn minute) she is crazy about Aidan. But she sees him as out of her league, and she's afraid he would dump her and break her heart. So, she constantly is pulled between a sure thing with a really great guy, whom she likes a lot, or a chance at the greatest passionate love of her life, but is unstable as hell. And her fear of abandonment, (she is an orphan) is what drives all of her decisions. Her full circle is being ok with being alone. Not just saying the words, but living it and KNOWING it. Thus creating her own definition of happy ever after.

phew...that was probably more for me than you, but at least people may understand the ad question. I also wanted to play with the idea of a modern day fairy tale where the princess/heroine ended up not doing what was expected, thus breaking the whole idea of the formulaic  fairy tale. (choosing the cad over the perfect guy, calling off the wedding, breaking up with the cad, starting over alone)

I hope some of that makes sense???

Also...I had a new reader read Ch 1-3 and I asked what kind of person does my MC seem to be. This is what she said, and it is beautifully stated. I couldn't say it better, so I will just copy and paste:

Okay - character traits would include a lot of unresolved hurt making her guarded against everyone else in her life - including herself. Almost as if she's afraid to re-think things through and admit to herself that she could be wrong about some of the things she's "figured out," and it would be okay for her to change her mind. There's some pride too, getting in the way. She takes a lot to heart, but in some ways that works against her need to protect herself from hurt. Nora is also far from being a risk-taker, yet there are parts of her that are very strong even though she can only see herself as being vulnerable (kinda a "victim") and not strong. She is strong-headed and independent. She is loyal.
 
I think the conflict is going to have to do with Nora having to take a chance in order to discover things about life and herself, that she didn't want to face, handle or admit.

[Careyrox]

Ok...I read on the agent's blog they prefer a synopsis that is 2-3 pages, but they said 5-6 is good, and heck, 10 is fine too. Just send what you have. So, I realize my first one leaves out soooo much, so here is the LONG one. But I am hoping a) you can help me trim down and b) it gives more of the arc of the characters. The first one I filled out with the Hero's Journey format (I posted somewhere on this site the gist of that one) and the second is more taken chapter by chapter. I read on another site that for a romance (even though this is more women's fiction) there needs to be the escalation between the MC and the love interest.

Here is the biggun!   PLEASE CRITIQUE


NORA ROSEBERRY noticed it first at sixteen. Every fairy tale has a formula. Plug in all the characteristics--instant fairy tale. The second time she noticed it was when she realized she was living one.

A successful coffee shop owner with her own one bedroom castle in the heart of San Francisco, twenty-five year old Nora fears being vulnerable and rejected, so she projects an image far from who she is, hoping to hell no one notices it's all smoke and mirrors. Planning her best friend's wedding doesn’t help. In fact, it makes her stomach twist because as much as she says she doesn’t need love, inside she's still that twelve year old girl believing in happily ever after.

According to her best friend, JILLIAN, Nora will look pathetic if she dares attend a wedding alone. So, to get her off her back, Nora makes a deal. She'll find a date if her bff backs off. But Jillian has an idea of who she should ask--Nora's hot neighbor, AIDAN.

Hanging out for a girl's night in, Nora is none too happy when her best friend invites the sultry and flirtatious Aidan in for drinks. While discussing which princess juice glass is best, Nora is surprised to see Aidan chooses Belle. Bookish and independent, it doesn’t seem at all the kind of maiden Aidan would date. He dates knockouts. A lot of them. Sensing the chemistry between them, but knowing he isn’t exactly settling down material, Nora puts up wall to shield her from the pain he would surely cause.

As the clock strikes twelve, Nora finds herself locked out of her apartment, in pjs and slippers, not exactly princess attire. Nora knocks on Aidan's door for help--but he isn’t alone. Watching the gorgeous brunette slink into the bedroom, Nora is caught off guard when Aidan does more than just let her use the phone. An almost kiss frazzles her, and Nora finds herself vowing never to get that close to him again. Recognizing that in the dating world she is the prey, and men like Aidan are the predators, Nora is inspired to initiate her own hunt by writing a want ad for love in the local paper.

After meeting potential man mates from hell, she is shocked and  flattered when Aidan walks in. Funny, smart, and attentive, Aidan is showing another side to Nora. One that causes her heart to flutter, even though every cell in her body tells her he's playing her like he does everyone else. However, Nora finds out Aidan is there to hook her up with his younger brother, FINN O'NEILL. Conflicted by her feelings, Nora agrees to a date with Finn, figuring she was right all along. Aidan's not interested in her.

At Jillian's bachelorette party, Nora runs into Aidan. Having been swept up in a whirlwind romance with dashing Finn, she hasn't had too much time to think about him. But now that he's here, flirting, teasing, and calling her his "forever", the same flutter of passion is stirred within her again. At the moment where she thinks she may give in to her feelings, Jillian pulls her aside, letting Aidan know he will have to romance some other girl, Nora is celebrating with her. Relieved, but still under his spell, she hardly notices her friend has gone MIA while she was waiting to be next the karaoke superstar. Belting out Sweet Caroline, Nora notices Aidan in the corner of the bar, with his new forever, Jillian. Mad at herself for falling for Aidan's lines, and at her friend for upstaging her, Nora rushes out of the bar and into Finn's arms for comfort.

The next morning, after Nora walks Finn out of her home, she learns Aidan and her best friend spent the night together. Disgusted, she's still seething, but she doesn't understand why it hurt so much. Meeting Finn's family the same day doesn’t make things better. With Finn's mother dissing her for any reason she can find, Nora feels a target on her head. Late to the family soirée, Aidan sees the disapproval his mother holds towards Nora and defends her. Confused by feelings of gratitude and hatred, Nora gives in and invites Aidan to her place for a "pizza offering".

Friday night comes and Aidan shows up right on time, looking devilishly handsome gifting flowers. Nora is ready. She's unshaven in her ugliest nude grandma briefs with sweats and jeans, trying her hardest to insure no game play from Aidan.  With chemistry between them heating up, the two get to know each other on a new level which allows Nora to feel safe enough to fall asleep on his shoulder.

In order to get her grandma's approval, Nora and Finn visit her for a getaway. Instead of approval, Nora's upfront granny can see Nora may care a lot about Finn, but she isn’t in love with him. Upset by her grandma's statement, she begins to question their relationship. So it's a bit of a stunner when at Jillian's wedding reception, Finn pops the question. Nora disregards her hesitance and excitedly says yes.

As the happy couple arrive at Nora's apartment to celebrate, they are interrupted by drunk Aidan who is noticeably upset. As his comments become more of a come on than advice, Nora lets loose on Aidan, unleashing not only anger towards him, but the anger she feels toward herself for becoming vulnerable to him. Inside her home, she overhears Aidan's admission of love for her. She feels numb.

A month later, at Finn's mother's engagement party ball, Nora's attempts to avoid Aidan are in vain. Begging her to take a walk with him, Nora once again falls prey to her emotions and agrees. In a garden away from the party, Aidan gives Nora a heartfelt apology along with an admission--he is crazy about her. Caught off guard by Aidan's confession, she finds herself wrapped in his arms and locked in a passionate kiss. But as fate would have it, the two love birds are interrupted by Jillian and Aidan's youngest brother. Ashamed, Nora returns to the party, lying to Finn. But she's not the only one keeping secrets. Nora finds out through gossip that the very place Aidan admitted love, has seen more action from him than a Schwarzenegger film.

Nora feels cheap, used. When Aidan finds Nora later that night, a slap to the face and cold words leave a mark on him. Aidan begs Nora not to listen to rumors. He explains nothing in their relationship has ever been perfect, but he wants a chance. But Nora can't trust him. She has no reason to and the only thing she has to fill the space between them is goodbye.

Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but Aidan's absence in her life has left her feeling invisible. Meeting up with Jillian and company for her bachelorette party two nights before the wedding should take her mind off of things. Instead, Nora confesses she's been thinking a lot about Aidan lately. She wonders if she made the right decision. Disappointed, Jillian tells Nora she thinks she is just trying to play a martyr. Jillian's mantra of "no regrets" plays repeatedly in Nora's head, and as she walks home, she spots Aidan's lights through the windows.

Figuring she has to make amends, she knocks on Aidan's door to apologize. But the sting of Nora's words have left an imprint, one he is not sure can be erased. Nora misses Aidan, she finally realizes he has always been more than just her playboy neighbor. Just as Nora walks out the door, she's stopped by Aidan. He's sick of her finger pointing and lets her know he wants her, but she has to make the move. Moved by desire, Nora accepts responsibility and they share a night full of intense passion.

Knowing it will be their only day as a couple, Nora and Aidan spend the day before her wedding making love and exploring hidden adventures in the city. In the evening, while cuddled up by the fireplace, Aidan suggests that Nora cancel the wedding, and marry him. But Nora is not about to abandon the man she said "yes" to, or the few hundred guests expecting a wedding.

Feeling smothered by the pressure, Nora pastes on a smile as she faces Jillian, Finn, her grandma, and Aidan. Locking himself with her inside her changing room, Aidan makes another  proposal, this time on bended knee with a ring. Nora's answer is still a somber "no".

However, as Finn lovingly says "I do", Nora shocks everyone, including herself when she says "I don't". With accusations and fists flying, the O'Neill family is ripped apart and Nora can't help knowing it's all because of her. Watching as  the people she loves abandons her, she realizes the only person always there is Aidan.

But the O'Neill's aren’t finished with Nora. Mrs. O'Neill takes revenge by suing her for the cost of the botched wedding. Having nothing but her coffee shop, Nora's heart again breaks when she has to sell it to pay her off.

Trying to make the best of things, at least she still has love. But making a life with Aidan is hard. Constant reminders of Finn and the family she wrecked, weaken her resolve to stay with Aidan. Having nothing to keep her in San Francisco, Nora applies for a journalism job in Seattle. It's not much pay, but it'll be a new start. She invites Aidan to go with her. He explains that even though it's not ideal, he can't leave his family when he's trying to remedy their relationship.

Recalling a conversation with her mom when she was a child, Nora comes to the understanding that the only way she can truly be happy, it to find out who she is, alone. Knowing she will always love Aidan, she tells him she has to go. Repeating her mother's words, she tells him the real magic of the fairy tale is not love, it's the journey. Nora leaves, looking forward to her journey, redefining her happily ever after.