I know it needs work.
This is my first draft. I figure I will let you guys take a peek, hear your questions, concerns, etc, then revise and edit. If this is anything like the query, I better get my kleenex ready, because that was a trying time!
Since I have read that you should have a long synopsis and a short one, this one is the 2 pager. I figure I will start here, then pare down for the one pager.
Synopsis for Princess Paradox:
Nora Roseberry would rather gouge her eye out with a cocktail weenie than attend her best friend's wedding. Weddings just remind her of how single and lonely she is, although admitting that is her worst fear.
Twenty-five year old Nora thinks she has it pretty good. She owns her own business, has a great apartment in San Francisco, and has her best friend to keep her occupied. Even though she should be satisfied with her life, she secretly longs for prince charming to whisk her away.
When her best friend threatens to hook Nora up with another random guy as her plus one for the wedding, Nora makes a deal. She'll find a date, on her terms, if her friend will stop talking about the fact that life should be a fairy tale.
After locking herself out of her apartment
, Nora does the unthinkable. She knocks on her neighbor's door. Sexy and alluring, he offers
his help and tells Nora she is his damsel in distress. Excited by the way he makes her feel, but convinced he is too much of a player to be a prince to anyone, she returns home with an inspiration. If she is the prey for men, then she'll turn the tables. This sentence isn't very strong, but I'm not sure enough of what you mean to give a suggestion on how to change it.
She'll initiate the hunt. Nora places a want ad for a date in the local newspaper.
As Nora waits at her coffee shop for the would-be man mates to arrive, That might be too cutesy.
she is shocked and a teensy bit flattered when Aidan walks in. Who's Aiden? I don't remember seeing his name previously.
As she begins to get to know Aidan on a new level, she is surprised at how much she likes him, even though every cell in her body tells her he is just playing her like he does everyone else. But, Nora finds out Aidan is there to hook her up with his younger brother, Finn.
agrees to the blind date with Finn, figuring she was right all along. Aidan's not interested in her.
Soon she realizes Finn is everything a prince charming should be, and in spite of herself, she is falling in love and becoming the very thing she despises most: a princess in a fairy tale romance. Maybe break that into two sentences.
In order to get her grandma's approval, Nora and Finn visit her for a weekend getaway. Instead of approval, Nora's grandma discovers what she tries to hide
; This phrase could be more graceful
Nora is in love, but not with Finn. Upset by her grandma's statement, she begins to hesitate
with Finn.maybe "she second guesses her feelings for Finn"
But at her best friend's wedding, Finn pops the question and Nora disregards her questions
and excitedly says yes. The repetition of question doesn't work.
However, Finn's mother would like his wife to be of a certain caliber, and Nora is not it.
As Finn escorts Nora home and into her bed for the first time, their moment is interrupted by a drunken Aidan. Nora overhears Aidan confessing to Finn that
he is in love with Nora. The next day, Finn passes Aidan's comments off as words of a drunk man
. as drunken nonsense?
Nora avoids Aidan.
On the eve of the engagement party planned by Nora's soon-
be mother in law, Nora helps to make sure everything is picture perfect to impress her. Aidan finds Nora and pleads with her to take a walk with him. Nora is upset at first, thinking Aidan is just trying to spoil another moment for her and Finn. Instead, she finds herself in his arms and immersed in his kiss after he declares his love and asks Nora to leave Finn.
The two are caught
in their embrace
by Aidan's youngest brother So, a different brother? Not Finn?
and Nora's best friend Could we have her name, since she's mentioned several times?
. As they try to knock some sense into her, Nora finds out about Aidan's garden--the place he takes women when he wants to score. Confronting him, Nora tells Aidan to stay out of her life. I had to read that twice, because "Aidan's garden" didn't sound very scandalous.
But Aidan creeps into her mind at all the wrong times. Two nights before her wedding to Finn,
repeating her mantra "no regrets",
she knocks on Aidan's door to make amends. With an apology and a final admission of her feelings, Nora is forgiven. Aidan tells Nora the ball (extra space)
is in her court,
if she wants him, she'll have to make the move. Letting go of her
fears, she offers herself to Aidan
, and(period) T
they spend a magical night together, followed by
perfect day. At the end of their romantic affair, Nora is shocked when Aidan proposes.
On her wedding day, Nora is rattled with guilt at what she has done to Finn, who should be her ideal man. Why should he?
As she gets ready in the church, Nora is visited first by Finn. He carries a gift from his mom,
a family heirloom,
which represents Finn's mom finally giving them
to marry Finn
. The second visitor is Aidan, who gets on bended knee properly with a ring, once again asking for Nora's hand. And? What was her reaction?
The third visitor is her grandma, who bestows wisdom if the form of a metaphor. That's very vague
At the end of the aisle, all eyes are on
, waiting for
say "I do". (because eyes don't hear)
Everyone, including Nora, is shocked when the words that come out of her mouth are "I don't".
With the room full of
as well as fists
Nora watches as
Aidan steps up to announce his love for
. As she watches everyone in her life walk away with disgust, she realizes the only one who has been there all this time was Aidan
They leave together to start a new life. That life is threatened when Finn's mother takes revenge and sues Nora.
Having nothing else to do With no other option
, she sells her coffee shop to pay back the money for the botched wedding.
Knowing their relationship has too much baggage, Nora finds a new job in Seattle. She realizes that even though she loves Aidan, she must go and become the woman she needs to be before she will
become a true princess. She changes her fairy tale ending,period I
instead of love, she chooses herself.