In desperate need of encouragement...

[Mellamork]

Today is one of those days where this all feels so very hard

I don't post here often but I read regularly, and after yet another editor rejection (I went on submission in February and I'm just rackin' up the rejections!) I'm just feeling really down and would love some reminders about how it will happen for me, for us all, someday.

I'm doing all the right things -- working on something new, trying to forget about my book on sub, and my agent is great and funny and takes it all in stride -- but then I hear about all the big deals happening and then I read about these great self-pub successes and big book-turned-movie deals and it's all wonderful, but it pains me, too.

How do you guys get through the dark spots? What mantras do you repeat to remind you to keep going? I try "You are where you're meant to be" (yeah, I'm a yogi) but today it's just not helping.

[swanndown]

Hi Mellamork,

We all have those days, but they're never enjoyable, valuable sometimes because we feel so intensely and we're pushed to cast about for new perspectives or ideas, but not ice cream soda enjoyable.

It can feel heart-sickening to think along the lines of "this book might not get picked up", or even the opposite of "positive thinking" but sometimes when I'm drowning in the fear of something happening or not happening (the manuscript I've sweated over for three years not getting published for instance), I try to fully embrace the possibility that I'm afraid of instead. I try to imagine in some detail what I will do if I come out of the submission process with no contract.  I brainstorm my next steps (working with agent on second book, going to small publishers with the one that didn't sell to the big ones). I try to get as equally comfortable (or at least on speaking terms) with second and third choice outcomes as with my first choice outcome.

This isn't about giving up on the first choice option AT ALL.  It's about managing the emotional side of this process.  I wish I could give some magic words to make you feel better.  It's no news to you that not all books sell in the first six months. I was just reading an editor's story about finally taking on an agent's submission a YEAR after she received it.  If I can find the link, I'll post it.  I hope you hear positive news soon.  Sending good vibes and wishes.

[Midwest]

Sorry you're feeling so crappy. You're right that we've all been there. And of course I'm thinking, "Hey, you got an agent, which is a step ahead of where a lot of us are!!" That's validation, right? Maybe try to remember that at times like this -- someone in the industry thinks you've got something!

Beyond that, I think it's so helpful and inspiring to read articles like the one Swanndown mentions. Maybe your agent can point you to some of those as well?

Good luck with it. 

[EJ]

Hello Mellamork,

I empathize with where you are at . . . having been on submission since April and received a lump of editor rejections today I am also feeling particularly down. Swanndown made some good points about forecasting the future - considering new works, alternate plans if this manuscript doesn't sell. I also have been doing the same thing as you - reading publishers marketplace to see what YA books have sold (for how much). But I also remind myself everyday that I write for myself and that while I want to be published and create a story reader's will love, what matters most is that it makes me/you happy. Try to remember what made you start writing in the first place and that feeling of success in finishing the manuscript, writing the query letter and landing an agent. And stop surfing the net (go dark for awhile) it helps immensely. Much love!

Emiko

[Kimmy]

Sorry you're having a sucky day, Mella. It will happen, though, if you just keep plugging away! SOme people get great deals within months of writing their first book; others take ten years and five novels before they break through. Use the editors comments to your advantage, polish up the manuscript, and you will get there someday!!!

[clmatic]

The reason that you read about the big deals happening and the great self-pub successes and big book-turned-movie deals is because they are the exception, NOT the norm!  Don't take these stories as your benchmark.

This is as trite as they come, but things happen when they happen.  There are so many factors involved in the sale of a book that you have absolutely no control over (pretty much like life in general).  Recognize your bad day, know intellectually that it will pass (when you're in the throes of despair it is not the time to try to master your emotions), and keep yourself physically busy.  It works, it really does.

I don't post much on my personal progress either (who says writers are superstitious?) but I will tell you this:  the first time I submitted a story for publication was 1999.  When did I get an agent?  April 2012.  Throw out the timeline, keep writing, and keep posting.  I want to be one of the first to congratulate you when you sell your bookSSSSSS, and you will sell them.

Hang in there!

[meddyK]

Kimmy is right, not everyone's path is going to be the same and it might be a different novel that ends up getting sold. (Not sure if you do, but don't feel bad about the whole "I have an agent and shouldn't be complaining" because at every stage of the game, there is someone else who has what you want.)

You have talent and a book that's more than good enough to be out there. The winds of the industry may not be blowing in your favor now, but things shift quickly. Hang in there!

[Mellamork]

Oh, you guys. Thank you so much. You are all so great.

swanndown: "managing the emotional side of this process" is exactly what I need to do -- well said. And emikojean, you're SO RIGHT in that I need to "go dark" (offline) sometimes. I work in the industry and am surrounded by successful writers in both my professional and personal lives which can make it hard to escape -- but I'm on vacation the week after next and I plan on going wayyyyy offline, sitting on the beach without checking my dang Twitter every minute, and enjoying working on my new manuscript. (which, yes, I'm really excited about!)

It's true, too, that maybe this won't be the first book I publish. Maybe the one I'm writing now will be, or the next one, and then this first one will be reconsidered. Who knows. I guess that's kind of the fun in all of this. (Even though it drives me crazy sometimes.)

Seriously -- thank you everyone for the advice and encouragement. You are all wonderful.

[magpiewrites]

Hey Mellamork
Just wanted to say I'm in the same boat and I feel for you. I've been on submission since May (seems like an eternity) and gotten some frustrating 'passes.' I'm finding it really difficult to concentrate on my new WIP with the submission hanging over my head. The only thing that works for me is to imagine the worst.

As a kid, when I went on my first roller coaster, I was petrified. The only thing that calmed me down, as counter productive as it sounds, was imagining the worst - in this case me smooshed on the pavement. Instead of making me more panicky, it made me calmer. What's the worst that can happen when you're on submission? This book doesn't sell. Once I imagined that, I felt freer to work on my WIP, less tied to the 'before.' I think that naming your fear is the first step to conquering it. One more thing. I remember this post by Beth Revis about the book of her heart - and how it was not the book that got published. Sometimes, the one we labor over hardest isn't the one that gets published. The only way is onward. I hope that helps and, of course, I've got all my digits crossed for you!

[KathrynRose]

At the hardest moments or at the lowest lows, the only thing that keeps me going is that I'd be even more miserable if I were to quit. I know it's not much, but no matter how much rejection or discouragement I get, it could be worse: I could be not writing. Hang in there. Bad days come and go, but it's all temporary. You just have to let it be and keep moving until you've passed through the hard moments. *hugs*

[LisaAnn]

Hi Mellamork! I heard a quote the other day that I think perfectly sums this up:

"One reason we struggle with insecurity: we’re comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel." -Pastor Steven Furtick, Elevation Church

Isn't it fantastic advice? I have been repeating it to myself over and over ever since...