I have been trying for so long, my 13 year old protagonist is now 20

[raballard]

SYNOPSIS FOR
MOMNAPPED
 A FANTASY


It is refreshing to know that in today’s society of MTV, FaceBook, Twitter, and immoral vampires filling the pages of most Young Adult reading material, that love between mothers and daughters still flourish. Take the bond between Sara Roberts and her mother, Elizabeth.
Sara chose to rescue her mother, even though her mother had never told her the SECRET. Sara never knew that she had a secret also.
Standing outside Doldunt prison was not on Sara’s to-do list for today. She had homework to do. However, rescuing her mother had become a priority. Giant toads had kidnapped her mother. Sara’s aunts (who, she previously knew nothing about) tried her mother for treason, and sentenced her to death. The execution, scheduled for dawn, a mere ten hours away. Her aunt’s elite henchman, scary, overweight rats guarded the gate, preventing her from rescuing her mother. The aunt’s themselves, hid safely within the prison walls ready to carry out the execution. Other than that the rescue itself would be simple, once Sara figured out where to start. She could only hope her invisibility bracelet had one more use left.
Sara is a typical thirteen-year-old girl. Her mother, Elizabeth, has kept her past a secret. If it hadn't been for a quirky twist of fate the secret might have remained hidden.
Elizabeth is heir to the throne of a magical, evil kingdom known as Tenebrae. Her mother’s older twin sisters are obsessed with destroying her. They desire the throne for themselves, and Elizabeth stood in their way. She needed to die before they could seize the crown, Sara's previously boring, uneventful, orderly life is turned upside down when her evil aunts kidnap her mother.

With very little knowledge and even less fanfare, she is transported to Tenebrae armed with a backpack full of magical talismans and other surprises which she will use to assist her in her adventure.

Her Aunts failed to take into account how a daughter's love would undermine their plot. Sara is determined to move heaven and earth to rescue her mother from her captors.

Assisted by a rag-tag group of lovable characters, Sara rescues her mother. Sara and her mother then take the next transport back to Earth. Sara is content that her mother is safe and her ordeal is over. It’s comforting to know they will all live happily ever-after, or did they?

[LisaMTaylor]

Love your subject...kudos to you for keeping at it

As far as I can tell, this sounds more like a long query than like a synopsis to me. From what I understand, a synopsis is supposed to be the one piece of writing you do that TELLS, not SHOWS. You want to put in suspense when you can, but the point of the synopsis is go through EVERY MAJOR PLOT POINT. I know you don't like giving away the story before someone reads it, but your agent is different. They want to know the progression of events they are going to read, because they don't want to spend valuable time reading something that isn't plotted well.

So what you have here is great for suspense. It gives just enough to leave me wanting to know what happens. But that's for your query, not your synopsis. You should go systematically through each event of your story, giving away all twists, surprises, AND the ending. I know that this main character is trying to rescue her mom from evil aunts, frogs, rats, etc. but I have no idea how she does it.

So my advice is to make a list of each event that happens in your story from beginning to end, and then write them into a cohesive synopsis. Then go through cutting out as you need to if it is too long.

Good luck!

Lisa

[raballard]

Your'e right, I have revised the synopsis, just haven't posted it yet