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Careyrox
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« on: September 03, 2012, 10:14:17 PM » |
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Okay, as I am trying to fine tune (and apply in my newest WIP), I realize there seems to be a lack of ways to say he smiled.
Here is what I have used:
He grinned, smiled, dimples deepened, crooked grin/smile, cocked grin/smile, lips upturned in a, grimaced, smirked, flashed a smile, beamed.
Okay...what other ways can it be said? Because it seems like either the characters can't smile very much or you're using the same thing over and over. Any suggestions?
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scott_m_baker
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« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2012, 01:33:33 PM » |
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I have the same problem. Not only do my characters walk around smiling a lot, but they also "look over" at each other way too much.
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LateToTheParty
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« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2012, 02:17:29 PM » |
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Substitute gestures. Shrugs, winks, nods, snorts, tips head, rolls eyes, you get the idea. As for the variations on "smile," I'm reminded of one of Elmore Leonard's tips that kinda applies here. When you need to tag dialog, don't be clever, use "said." To use crooked/dimples/etc draws attention from what you intend for what you don't. And, that upturned lip thing reads wrong. Just saying. 
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Critiques should spur growth and improvement. Neither is painless.
I don't do personal attacks, defense/debate of work or grudges.
Remember, my comment's worth exactly what you paid for it. Use it, ignore it or PM-me and I'll remove it.
Buona fortuna!
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ChokeCherry
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« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2012, 02:19:13 PM » |
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On my last MS, my CP complained that my characters constantly went through facial convulsions. I simply stopped concentrating on the face. Sometimes other types of body language work just as well... or better. Hope that helps.  |
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WhiteGardenia
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« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2012, 02:21:27 PM » |
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Substitute gestures. Shrugs, winks, nods, snorts, tips head, rolls eyes, you get the idea. As for the variations on "smile," I'm reminded of one of Elmore Leonard's tips that kinda applies here. When you need to tag dialog, don't be clever, use "said." To use crooked/dimples/etc draws attention from what you intend for what you don't. And, that upturned lip thing reads wrong. Just saying. How would you describe your smile, LTTP? Wicked? Slobbery? Evil? Toothless? (jk) |
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"Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always..." --Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns. I'm on Twitter! http://twitter.com/whitegardenia27 |
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LateToTheParty
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« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2012, 04:13:37 PM » |
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Substitute gestures. Shrugs, winks, nods, snorts, tips head, rolls eyes, you get the idea. As for the variations on "smile," I'm reminded of one of Elmore Leonard's tips that kinda applies here. When you need to tag dialog, don't be clever, use "said." To use crooked/dimples/etc draws attention from what you intend for what you don't. And, that upturned lip thing reads wrong. Just saying. How would you describe your smile, LTTP? Wicked ? Slobbery? Evil? Toothless? (jk)  Wait.  YOU'VE MET MY UNCLES?!  Wicked? My Uncle Alec Slobbery? My Uncle Walt, (that man DRANK and, dipped snuff,  ) Evil? My Uncle Aubrey, (stood court martial THREE times) Toothless? My uncle George, AKA Puddin' I WISH I were joking. My smile? Profane.  |
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« Last Edit: September 12, 2012, 04:17:07 PM by LateToTheParty »
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Critiques should spur growth and improvement. Neither is painless.
I don't do personal attacks, defense/debate of work or grudges.
Remember, my comment's worth exactly what you paid for it. Use it, ignore it or PM-me and I'll remove it.
Buona fortuna!
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Mere Joyce
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« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2012, 06:49:37 AM » |
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Substitute gestures. Shrugs, winks, nods, snorts, tips head, rolls eyes, you get the idea. As for the variations on "smile," I'm reminded of one of Elmore Leonard's tips that kinda applies here. When you need to tag dialog, don't be clever, use "said." To use crooked/dimples/etc draws attention from what you intend for what you don't. And, that upturned lip thing reads wrong. Just saying. How would you describe your smile, LTTP? Wicked ? Slobbery? Evil? Toothless? (jk) Wait. YOU'VE MET MY UNCLES?! Wicked? My Uncle Alec Slobbery? My Uncle Walt, (that man DRANK and, dipped snuff, ) Evil? My Uncle Aubrey, (stood court martial THREE times) Toothless? My uncle George, AKA Puddin' I WISH I were joking. My smile? Profane. Hey, we need a variety of smiles in this world!! -- My characters move their brows too much. A reader commented on that with my ms, and I went back over and counted how many brow movements they made...it was pathetic...so I've worked it down to a reasonable number, but probably by doing so I've upped the number of times they do something else! |
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WIP #1: YA - 90k - Querying WIP #2: MG - 46k - Querying WIP #3: YA - 73k - Completed/Editing My Blog: http://merejoyce.blogspot.comTwitter: @MereJoyceWrites |
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LateToTheParty
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« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2012, 09:06:48 AM » |
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Hey, we need a variety of smiles in this world!! -- My characters move their brows too much. A reader commented on that with my ms, and I went back over and counted how many brow movements they made...it was pathetic...so I've worked it down to a reasonable number, but probably by doing so I've upped the number of times they do something else! [/quote] Ain't it the truth, though?!  Ca-ca like this is why there's a psyche program in NY dedicated to writers. |
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Critiques should spur growth and improvement. Neither is painless.
I don't do personal attacks, defense/debate of work or grudges.
Remember, my comment's worth exactly what you paid for it. Use it, ignore it or PM-me and I'll remove it.
Buona fortuna!
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AFord
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« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2012, 12:03:14 AM » |
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A great question, and many interesting, creative responses too. I'm soooo guilty of portraying the villians in my work-in-progress with "smirks" on their "smug" faces, and given the feedback here I'll employ some of these ideas to convey the same without over use of the above.
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HFgal
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« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2012, 10:18:11 AM » |
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I'm sooooo guilty of this too. I'll be using the Search function in MSWord to quantify exactly how egregious that situation is...
One of my MC's has a lopsided smile that he is probably flashing WAY too much.
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bodwen
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« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2012, 04:13:27 PM » |
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Just don't waggle. Well... you can, but I won't like it. People in novels are starting to waggle parts of their faces that should be immobile. Waggling is fast becoming a pet-peeve of mine.
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eyebee14
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« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2013, 02:03:28 PM » |
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I think we are all guilty of using certain phrases way too much. But I think the idea is to keep it simple. Latetotheparty hit the mark. You don't want to distract your reader with details that slow your story down. I'm still cutting that fat from my MS! |
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