SunriseSunset
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Posts: 42
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« on: November 05, 2008, 12:26:08 PM » |
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16th Aprille 2003
Dear Agent,
I've read loads of blogs and writers' books and am 100 PER CENT that this book has NEVER EVER EVER been done before. Forget Harry Potter. Forget James Grisham. Forget the rest. When you read this book, it will BLOW your mind (not literally).
Enclosed with this letter you will find a box of Belgium chocolates, a plastic rose (I would've sent a real one but they die, so this one will last forever. You can take it with you everywhere when you're selling my ten part book series. I skimmed over your blog and feel like I know you inside and out. When I finished my 257,479 word fiction novel, you were the third agent on my list.
Heaven is a book about a woman called Heaven. She's thirty, white, Christian and her favourite colour is pink because most women like pink (except accept for me). She meets a cute guy called Obama (this will appeal to the democrat market!!) and he convinces her to run for president, but then she starts digging into his background and discovers secrets. I won't tell you what those secrets are because it'll ruin the surprise, SHOCKING ending!
I haven't finished the novel yet (you know how long they take), but it should be finished by 2010. I've only got 150,000 words to go. I can send what I've written so far and you can check over it for spelling mistakes, gramma errors, etc and start sending it to publishers. If they offer less then 500000 pounds/dollars, hold out for better offer. I've already chosen the stores where I will hold my book signings, and estimate at least one hundred of my family will turn up.
Lastly, let me say sorry for sending this handwritten note. My computer broke down and the library was closed, but I'm going to be a billionaire author one day and technology will not stand in MY way. No way lol!
Love from Kelly Andrews Michelle James-Simmons
PS. You can email me, text me, write to me, fax me info, come over for dinner or call. I'll be waiting.
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I must go down to the lonely sea and sky...
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Amanda
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« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2008, 01:37:57 PM » |
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I especially liked the Middle Ages spelling of April. It just got better from there. The sad thing is that I read a completely serious query a little while ago that was not too far from this.  |
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AutumnT
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If we werent all crazy, we would go insane!
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« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2008, 02:35:45 PM » |
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hehehehe
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SunriseSunset
Jr. Member
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« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2008, 03:15:40 PM » |
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I especially liked the Middle Ages spelling of April. It just got better from there. The sad thing is that I read a completely serious query a little while ago that was not too far from this. I didn't even realise it was the Middle Ages spelling lol. I just made it up. Did the person get representation?  |
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I must go down to the lonely sea and sky...
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lantern
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OMG!
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« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2008, 07:02:43 PM » |
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The first isn't done and I'm ready for a sequel!
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Huh?
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Amanda
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« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2008, 07:59:52 PM » |
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I especially liked the Middle Ages spelling of April. It just got better from there. The sad thing is that I read a completely serious query a little while ago that was not too far from this. I didn't even realise it was the Middle Ages spelling lol. I just made it up. Did the person get representation? The publishing world is cruel and unfair, so I'm guessing that they did.  |
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lantern
Full Member
Karma: 24
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Posts: 69
OMG!
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« Reply #6 on: November 06, 2008, 05:29:58 AM » |
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It would certainly get the attention of an agent!
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Huh?
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bodwen
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« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2008, 02:52:49 PM » |
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The sad thing is that I read a completely serious query a little while ago that was not too far from this. Me too, with the added gems about how much her family enjoys the story, and how she thinks it will take her about 2 weeks to finish up the remain ~30,000 words once she lands an agent. |
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Renée
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« Reply #8 on: November 22, 2008, 10:17:03 PM » |
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Wow, that was priceless, with all the spelling errors, cross outs, IM speech.… need I say more?  |
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Practice WIP: 10k of indulgence, randomness, and hilarity
Real WIP: Happy little thoughts in my head ^_~*
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