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Author Topic: Synopsis: Souls of the Sky (Fantasy)  (Read 2338 times)
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« on: March 24, 2018, 10:11:41 AM »

The Starlands are inhabited by fercations—a race born of fallen stars who hope to return to their rightful place in the sky. The magic necessary to end their exile was denied to fercations after they warred with and banished the humans.

KIRA, a human, wants to sustain her simple life as a lady’s maid. Days after fighting with her best friend, FISK, Kira learns he is missing and feels she drove him away. Before he disappeared, Fisk gave Kira a necklace (which she doesn’t know is magic) that now weighs heavily on her. Kira resolves to find Fisk and apologize. The necklace’s power pulls Kira through the portal into the Starlands, and makes her memory of everything but Fisk fade.

Alone in a forest, blood-thirsty creatures attack Kira, but she finds refuge in a nearby village. With precious few memories, Kira’s goal is clear: find Fisk and get home. Kira returns to the portal hoping to find Fisk’s trail. There she meets Fisk’s twin brother, TYRUS, and learns Fisk disappeared from the Starlands fourteen years ago. Fisk and Tyrus are Star Children chosen to appoint a High King and end the fercation exile. Despite the revelation that Fisk isn’t human, Kira refuses to leave without him. She joins Tyrus and continues her search.

Meanwhile, Fisk has been abducted and taken to the Starlands. ENDRYKAS—a man plotting to become High King—hired the abductor to bring both Star Children to him. Unable to complete the task alone, the abductor enlists help. The helper captures Kira and takes her to Endrykas, knowing that Tyrus will come to her rescue. Endrykas locks Kira up with IOMI who is being held as collateral against the abductor’s (her husband’s) cooperation.

Endrykas tries to use his magic on Kira, but because she is human and protected by the necklace, it doesn’t work as expected. Angry he can’t control her, Endrykas takes Kira to the field where he keeps the monsters he’s created captive. Unwilling to sit by while Kira is in danger, Iomi escapes and follows them. She saves Kira from the monster and together they flee. Tyrus catches up and fights the monster.

Fisk arrives with the abductor who wants revenge for the treatment of his wife. He engages Endrykas in a fight knowing if he can kill Endrykas, Iomi will be safe. Iomi sees the abductor fighting at a disadvantage and is about to be slain, so she uses magic that she hoped never to use in order to save him. The abductor takes the opportunity to turn the tables and kill Endrykas.

Tyrus and Fisk are finally reunited and can now fulfill their first duty as Star Children: appoint a High King. The choice made by a young Star-blessed child is supposed to be instinctive. Tyrus worries they’re too old and biased, but Fisk lost his memory when he went through the portal and knows little of the Starlands. Throughout Fisk’s journey his magic manifested as a myriad of visions which helped him choose the High King. All they need now is the necklace, which Kira has kept safe.

With Kira’s help, the twins make their choice. Iomi, a powerful mage and born leader, is named High King. Together they decide the next step is to journey to the rightful home of the High King where they’ll have the resources to figure out how to end the fercation exile.
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Vortigern
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« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2018, 12:35:23 PM »

First off, I really liked the story premise. It sounds like something I would enjoy reading along with my daughter. (She loves this sort of thing)

I really liked at the outset how you defined what fercations were. Because otherwise the reader would have no clue who or what that was. You also, IMHO, clearly defined which characters were human as opposed to fercations.

Highlighting the first time the character is mentioned in all caps is definitely something I'll have to remember for my own synopsis. That appears to be a common thread in others I've read.

The only thing that confused me was when I got to the following:

Endrykas locks Kira up with IOMI who is being held as collateral against the abductor’s (her husband’s) cooperation.

I was initially confused by how 'cooperation' was being used in the sentence. It may just be my own personal lack of familiarity with the word being used in this way but I had to look this up. It's listed accurately the way your doing it, I think, unless you meant 'corporation' instead. Which I don't think you did?

Basically, for me, I think I would come up with a different way of saying it, cause it was a bit jarring for me and I had to look it up.
But all and all, I felt you got the point of your story across quite well and I look forward to maybe picking this novel up once completed. It sounds enjoyable.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2018, 12:37:17 PM by Vortigern » Logged

Inspiring Imagination Between Two Worlds
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« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2018, 02:53:14 PM »

Thanks for your input Vortigern. Your comments are helpful. I really wasn't sure if what I had done was working or not. That one sentence has been causing me some grief, but now that I'm more confident the rest is working reasonably well I will focus on it specifically.
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Catharina S
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« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2018, 02:15:46 PM »

So often when I read fantasy synopses I find them convoluted and confusing, but yours was so clear!  clap You explained the roles of all of your mentioned characters succinctly. I think I would love to read this. The initial concept reminds me a little of Stardust.

The only phrase that threw me was "where he keeps the monsters he's created captive." Maybe a little word reordering to read "where he keeps captive the monsters he's created"? Not sure if that's an improvement...it's tricky.

Great work!
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