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Author Topic: Contemporary southern gothic fantasy  (Read 1208 times)
SleepyMaggie
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« on: September 03, 2018, 10:04:06 AM »

"I want to learn to play the bass guitar," said the ghost.

(Opening line of my work in progress... )
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TigerAsh
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« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2018, 03:53:59 PM »

"I want to learn to play the bass guitar," said the ghost.

(Opening line of my work in progress... )


I think it’s interesting that you opened the line with a ghost speaking. But if I’m being brutally honest, it doesn’t immediately grab my attention.
With that said, there’s nothing particularly wrong with the line, so other readers could feel differently.
Maybe context from another line or two would help?

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Miss Plum
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« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2018, 09:29:25 AM »

I'd keep reading.
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Falthor
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« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2018, 01:51:46 PM »

Based on the line itself i'm on the fence.   I'd probably read on a little and see what is going on because a ghost wanting to learn guitar is different, even though the line feels throwaway.
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