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Author Topic: Lost Magic Synopsis - YA, Fantasy  (Read 175 times)
SincerelySinclair
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« on: December 06, 2018, 02:19:36 PM »

I hate writing the synopsis. This is my newest attempt at one.

Hope is unheard of at Blandings’ Orphanage as is a low death rate.

Cruel work conditions, abuse, and despair takes its toll on the abandoned and unwanted children. When they die, they are tossed into the ravine and promptly forgotten about. At the age of six, WINDOW BLUE believed that life held nothing for her except a grave.

But then came THE MAGICIAN, the greatest hero of Ensorcelled. Magical, mysterious, and world-weary, he’s had his fill of people begging and seeking out his secrets for their own dark desires.

The people of Blandings are no different then the other towns and villages he’s visited. They all want his magic and power to solve their problems except for Window. For her, seeing magic was like seeing color for the first time. Window’s request to The Magician is simple: she wants him to teach her magic.

Window is the first person to ever ask to learn magic for the sake of learning and it gives The Magician hope and idea. He gifts her his book of spells and makes her a promise. If she can learn to read his book and travel to Thaumaturgy, the birthplace of magic, he will take her on as his protégé and teach her everything that he knows.

When The Magician leaves, Window studies the book as often as she can. But time and life goes on and ten years later, Window isn’t any closer to learning magic. Instead, she’s working as a hat shop girl, sewing embellishment onto hats that she can never afford. It’s a steady job but one that she is soon fired from once the owner’s niece moves in.

Dejected and jobless, all Window has now is the orphanage only to be told by the cruel headmistress that as her sixteenth birthday is tomorrow, she will be aging out and no longer welcomed there.

With nothing left to lose and everything to gain, Window takes a stand. She grabs what meager possessions she has, take the book, and makes the long journey to Thaumaturgy.
Enduring storms, poverty, and hunger, Window barely makes it to Thaumaturgy in one piece. She knows that once she sees The Magician again, it will have all been worth it. However, Thaumaturgy is not the same anymore. There aren’t mermaids in the city’s fountain, the wand and potion shops are gone, and The Magician’s Tower, his home, is gone from the city’s skyline.

Taken to see KING JOHN for questioning where the magic has gone, Window is let into a dark secret: The Magician is dead. With the city’s protector gone, everyone has fled for safety. Feeling pity for Window, King John makes her his personal guest and promises to do everything he can to take care of her.

Life as a royal doesn’t appeal to Window and without any other skills, she goes to find a job. The market is slim and the only work she can find is in a hat shop. Before Window resigns herself to a life of boredom and mundane, she stops for lunch and in the street, she bumps into a street cleaner known as THE JANITOR. The Janitor is old and frail but Window recognizes him as The Magician by his stunning eyes. She’s insistent on his identity although he denies it.

Later that night, Window formulates a plan to find out why The Magician has denied his true self but she is attacked by assassins before she gets far. As she runs for her life, she entangles The Janitor in her escape attempt. They jump from the city’s walls and instead of falling to their deaths, they float on air.

Window and The Janitor make it to safety but The Janitor is terrified at their ordeal. Window manages to convince The Janitor that in order to return to safety, they must travel back to the city and see King John. Together, they travel but with clashing ideas and styles the duo’s relationship is strained. It is when The Janitor attempts to Window’s book of spells does Window lash out at him for being nothing like The Magician she knows he is.

Setting off on her own, Window doesn’t get far when she runs into the assassins again. Faking her voice and disguising herself, Window learns that they are after The Janitor and herself. Unable to abandon The Janitor to the assassins, Window resolves to stick with him and to get him to safety once they reach the city.

She reunites with The Janitor and makes amends. During the night, Window wakes from a nightmare. She sees The Janitor not as an old man but as The Magician. Upon discovering that he is cursed, Window becomes determined to break the curse over him.

While they travel, Window speaks of magic and The Magician’s history. She reawakens tiny memories of The Janitor’s fractured mind. Between the curse and old memories resurfacing, The Janitor can’t tell what’s real anymore but he does grow to trust Window who becomes the most stable person in his life.

They grow close and become friends. As they get closer to the city, doubts about becoming The Magician haunt The Janitor. He doesn’t want to be in danger constantly and would much prefer to be a showman and stay with Window then fighting evil. When he confesses this to Window, it causes some friction but she assures him that all will be well once he gets back to normal.

Unconvinced, The Janitor attempts to make sense it all when he runs into the assassins now disguised as helpful guards. They deceive him and lie that Window is a mentally deranged patient who’s living a fantasy life. The assassins split Window and The Janitor up. Window is arrested and taken away while The Janitor is taken to a secondary location.

Drugged, Window is brought back to the castle and thrown in the dungeon where she is interrogated by King John. He demands to know who sent her and how she found The Magician. It is revealed that King John cursed The Magician out of jealously and killed anyone who came looking for him. Deciding that Window is not a threat, King John leaves her to die in the dungeon. He gives the command to have The Magician killed ending near decade long magical genocide.

But Window manages to escape her prison and wanders through the dungeon’s tunnel system looking for a way out. She meets a mad woman in a cell who she frees after discovering she is another one of John’s victims. Meanwhile, The Janitor is consumed by guilt at abandoning his friend. He remembered her kindness and how she loved him unconditionally. Window’s love and his memories come together and break the curse over him.

His powers are weak but with Window in danger, he goes to the castle and the dungeon to find her. When he does, King John finds them both. King John uses his own powers against The Magician but is stopped by the madwoman, CHASTITY, who is the true ruler. She demands that John stand down or die. John refuses and attempts to kill them all. When he nearly wins but when he fights Window, she jumps out of the tower and her latent magical powers allow her to float to safety. John, in his madness, falls to his death.

The memory is broken over Ensorcelled and Chastity is restored as Queen. During her coronation party, Chastity takes Window aside and informs her John’s actions have nearly obliterated magic. She entrusts Window and The Magician to find out new magic-wielders and restore magic before it dies out forever.
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kaperton
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« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2018, 01:31:41 PM »

I hate writing the synopsis. This is my newest attempt at one.

Hope is unheard of at Blandings’ Orphanage[comma] as is a low death rate.

Cruel work conditions, abuse, and despair takes its take their toll on the abandoned and unwanted children. When they die, they are tossed into the ravine and promptly forgotten about. At the age of six, WINDOW BLUE believed that life held nothing for her except a grave. [You switched to past tense, which makes me think she's no longer six.]

But then came THE MAGICIAN, the greatest hero of Ensorcelled. Magical, mysterious, and world-weary, he’s had his fill of people begging and seeking out his secrets for their own dark desires. [I thought we were still talking about the past, but you switched tenses mid-sentence.]

The people of Blandings are no different then the other towns and villages he’s visited. They all want his magic and power to solve their problems except for Window. [sounds like Window is the only problem they don't want solved. How about "--all except for Window."] For her, seeing magic was is like seeing color for the first time. Window’s request to The Magician is simple: she wants him to teach her magic.

Window is the first person to ever ask to learn magic for the sake of learning and it gives The Magician hope and an idea. He gifts her his book of spells and makes her a promise. If she can learn to read his book and travel to Thaumaturgy, the birthplace of magic, he will take her on as his protégé and teach her everything that he knows.

When The Magician leaves, Window studies the book as often as she can. But time and life goes on and ten years later, Window isn’t any closer to learning magic. Instead, she’s working as a hat shop girl, sewing embellishment onto hats that she can never afford. It’s a steady job but one that she is soon fired from once the owner’s niece moves in. [Okay, I see she's now 16. I would still use the present tense in the beginning.]

Dejected and jobless, all Window believes all shehas now is the orphanage[comma] only to be told by the cruel headmistress that as her sixteenth birthday is tomorrow, she will be aging out and no longer welcomed [my gut says welcome, but I'm not sure!] there.

With nothing left to lose and everything to gain, Window takes a stand. She grabs what meager possessions she has, takes the book, and makes the long journey to Thaumaturgy.
Enduring storms, poverty, and hunger, Window barely makes it to Thaumaturgy the birthplace of magic in one piece. She knows that once she sees The Magician again, it will have all been worth it. However, Thaumaturgy is not the same anymore [anymore compared to when? She's never been there. How would she know what it used to be like?]. There aren’t mermaids in the city’s fountain, the wand and potion shops are gone, and The Magician’s Tower, his home, is gone from the city’s skyline.

Taken to see KING JOHN for questioning where the magic has gone, Window is let into in on a dark secret: The Magician is dead. With the city’s protector gone, everyone has fled for safety [How is it a secret if "everyone" knows?]. Feeling pity for Window, King John makes her his personal guest and promises to do everything he can to take care of her.

Life as a royal doesn’t appeal to Window and without any other skills, she goes to find a job. The market is slim and the only work she can find is in a hat shop. Before Window resigns herself to a life of boredom and mundane, she stops for lunch and in the street, she bumps into a street cleaner known as THE JANITOR. The Janitor is old and frail but Window recognizes him as The Magician by his stunning eyes. She’s insistent on his identity although he denies it.

Later that night, Window formulates a plan to find out why The Magician has denied his true self [comma] but she is attacked by assassins before she gets far. As she runs for her life, she entangles The Janitor in her escape attempt. They jump from the city’s walls and instead of falling to their deaths, they float on air.

Window and The Janitor make it to safety but The Janitor is terrified at by their ordeal. Window manages to convince The Janitor him that in order to return to safety, they must travel back to the city and see King John. Together, [no comma] they travel [comma] but with clashing ideas and styles the duo’s relationship is strained. It is when The Janitor attempts to [word missing] Window’s book of spells does Window lash out at him for being nothing like The Magician she knows he is. [I don't really get this. How does she think he should be acting, and how is he acting? Is he still denying he's the magician?]

Setting off on her own, Window doesn’t get far when she runsbefore running into the assassins again. Faking her voice and disguising herself, Window learns that they are after The Janitor and herself. Unable to abandon The Janitor to the assassins, Window resolves to stick with him and to get him to safety once they reach the city.

She reunites with The Janitor and makes amends. During the night, Window wakes from a nightmare. She sees The Janitor not as an old man but as The Magician [she's always known he's the magician - does she see him in his true form?]. Upon discovering that he is cursed, Window becomes determined to break the curse over him.

While they travel, Window speaks of magic and The Magician’s history. She reawakens tiny memories of The Janitor’s fractured mind. Between the curse and old memories resurfacing, The Janitor can’t tell what’s real anymore but he does grow to trust Window who becomes the most stable person in his life. [Ohhhhh. Maybe I'm slow, but I didn't realize he didn't know he was the Magician. Were we supposed to be unclear on that/just finding it out?]

They grow close and become friends. As they get closer to the city, doubts about becoming The Magician haunt The Janitor. He doesn’t want to be in constant danger constantly and would much prefer to be a showman and stay with Window then than fighting evil. When he confesses this to Window, it causes some friction [why?] but she assures him that all will be well once he gets back to normal.

Unconvinced, The Janitor attempts to make sense of it all [what's "it all"?] when he runs into the assassins [comma] now disguised as helpful guards. They deceive him and lie, saying that Window is a mentally deranged patient who’s living a fantasy life. The assassins split up Window and The Janitor up. Window is arrested and taken away while The Janitor is taken to a secondary location.

Drugged, Window is brought back to the castle and thrown in the dungeon where she is interrogated by King John. He demands to know who sent her and how she found The Magician. It is revealed that King John cursed The Magician out of jealously and killed anyone who came looking for him. Deciding that Window is not a threat, King John leaves her to die in the dungeon. He gives the command to have The Magician killed [comma] ending a near decade-long magical genocide.

But Window manages to escape her prison and wanders through the dungeon’s tunnel system looking for a way out. She meets a mad woman in a cell who she frees after discovering she is another one of John’s victims. Meanwhile, The Janitor is consumed by guilt at abandoning his friend. He remembered her kindness and how she loved him unconditionally. Window’s love and his memories come together and break the curse over him.

His powers are weak[comma] but with Window in danger, he The Magician goes to the castle and the dungeon to find her. When he does, King John finds them both. King John uses his own powers against The Magician but is stopped by the madwoman, CHASTITY, who is the true ruler. She demands that John stand down or die. John refuses and attempts to kill them all. When he nearly wins but when he fights Window, she jumps out of the tower and her latent magical powers allow her to float to safety. John, in his madness, falls to his death.

The memory is broken over Ensorcelled and Chastity is restored as Queen. During her coronation party, Chastity takes Window aside and informs her that John’s actions have nearly obliterated magic. She entrusts Window and The Magician to find out new magic-wielders and restore magic before it dies out forever.

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SincerelySinclair
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« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2018, 08:17:54 PM »

YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON KAPERTON!

I've made the changes and I think that it's really cleaned it up. Thank you!

Hope is unheard of at Blandings’ Orphanage, as is a low death rate.

Set at the turn of the 20th century, cruel work conditions, abuse, and despair take their toll on the abandoned and unwanted children. When they die, they are tossed into the ravine and promptly forgotten. At the age of six, WINDOW BLUE, believes that life holds nothing for her except a grave.

But then along comes THE MAGICIAN, the greatest hero of Ensorcelled. Magical, mysterious, and world-weary, he’s sick his fill of people begging and seeking out his secrets for their own dark desires.

The people of Blandings are no different than the other town’s and villages he’s gone to. They all want his magic and power to solve their problems – all except for Window. For her, seeing magic is like seeing color for the first time. Her request to The Magician is simple: she wants to learn magic.

Window is the first person to ever ask to learn magic for the sake of learning and it gives The Magician hope and an idea. He gifts her his book of spells and a promise. If she can learn to read his book and travel to Thaumaturgy City, the birthplace of magic, he will take her on as his protégé and teach her everything he knows. When The Magician leave, Window studies the book in secret as often as she can.

Ten years later, Window isn’t any closer to learning magic. Instead, she’s working as a hat shop girl, sewing embellishment onto hats that she can never afford. It’s a steady job but one that she is fired from once the owner’s niece moves in.

Dejected and jobless, Window believes all she has now is the orphanage, only to be informed that as her sixteenth birthday is tomorrow, she is aging out and no longer welcomed there.

With nothing to lose, Window takes a stand. She grabs the book and makes the long journey to Thaumaturgy. Enduring storms and poverty, Window barely makes it to the birthplace of magic in one piece. She knows that it will be worth it when she meets The Magician again. However, Thaumaturgy is nothing like it is described in her book. There aren’t mermaids in the fountain’s, fairies selling potions, and The Magician’s Tower and Planetarium, the symbols of his presence are gone.

Taken to KING JOHN for questioning where magic has gone, Window is let in on a dark secret: The Magician is dead. With the city’s protector gone, Thaumaturgy is vulnerable to his enemies. Feeling pity for Window, King John makes her his personal guest and promises to take care of her.

Life as a royal doesn’t appeal to Window and without any other skills, all she has is hat making. Before resigning herself to a life of boredom and hats, she stops for lunch and by accident meets street cleaner known as THE JANITOR. He is an old and frail man but Window recognizes him as The Magician by his stunning eyes. She is insistent on his identity although he denies it. He claims to not know her, magic, or the promise he made.

Later that night, Window formulate as plan to find out why The Magician has denied his true self, but she is attacked by assassins. As she runs for her life, she entangles The Janitor in her escape attempt. They jump from the city’s walls but instead of falling to their, they float on air.

Window and The Janitor makes it to safety but The Janitor is terrified by their ordeal. Window manages to convince him that in order to return to safety, they must travel back tot the city and see King John. Together they travel, but with clashing ideas and styles the duo’s relationship is strained. It is when the Janitor attempts to burn Window’s book of spells does she lash out at him and dissolve their partnership.

Setting off on her own, Window doesn’t get far before she running into the assassins again. Disguising herself and voice, Window learns that they are after The Janitor and herself. Unable to abandon The Janitor to the assassins, Window resolves to stick with him and get him to safety once they reach the city.

She reunites with The Janitor and they make amends. During the night, Window wakes from a nightmare. She sees The Janitor sleeping but not as an old man but as The Magician, restored to his true form. She realizes that he is cursed and becomes determined to break it.

While they travel, Window speaks of The Magician’s history. She reawakens tiny memories of The Janitor’s fractured mind. Between the curse and old memories resurfacing, The Janitor can’t tell what’s real anymore but he does grow to trust Window who becomes the most stable person in his life.

They become friends. As they get closer to the city, The Janitor has doubts about the curse and becoming The Magician again. He would prefer to live a peaceful life with Window than fight evil. When he confesses this to Window, she reacts badly and insists that the world needs The Magician. She tries to convince him that all will be well once they reach King John and break the curse.

Unconvinced, The Janitor tries to make sense of it when he runs into the assassin, now disguised as helpful guards. The deceive him saying that Window is a deranged patient who’s living a fantasy. The assassins split up Window and The Janitor. Window is arrested while The Janitor is taken to a secondary location.

Drugged, Window is brought to the castle and thrown in the dungeon where she is interrogated by King John. He demands to know who sent her and how she found The Magician. It is revealed that King John cursed The Magician out of jealousy and killed anyone who came looking for him. Deciding that Window is not a threat, King John leaves her to die in the dungeon. He gives the command to have The Magician killed, ending a near decade-long magical genocide.

But Window manages to escape and wanders through the dungeon’s system looking for a way out. She meets a mad woman in a cell who she frees after discovering she is another one of John’s victims. Meanwhile, The Janitor is consumed by guilt at abandoning his friend. He remembers her kindness and how she loves him unconditionally. Window’s love and his memories come together and break the curse over him.

His powers are weak, but with Window in danger, The Magician goes to the dungeon to find her. When he does, King John ambushes The Magician, Window, and the madwoman. He uses his powers against the trio but is stopped by the madwoman, CHASTITY, who is the true ruler. She demands that John stand down or die. John refuses and fights. He nearly wins but when he fights Window, she jumps out of the tower and her latent magical powers allow her to float to safety. John, in his madness, chases her and falls to his death.

The memory curse is broken with John’s death and Chastity is restored as Queen. During her coronation party, Chastity takes Window aside and informs her that John’s actions have nearly obliterated magic. She entrusts Window and The Magician to find out new magic practitioners and save magic before it dies out forever.

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kaperton
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« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2018, 10:06:01 AM »

I think this is better! I found a few typos and made some other suggestions. Another formatting note--there should be no space before or after em-dashes.



Hope is unheard of at Blandings’ Orphanage, as is a low death rate.

Set at the turn of the 20th century, [I'm not sure if this is necessary. If so, it can't go here because it creates a dangling participle] cruel work conditions, abuse, and despair take their toll on the abandoned and unwanted children. When they die, they are tossed into the ravine and promptly forgotten. At the age of six, WINDOW BLUE, [no comma] believes that life holds nothing for her except a grave.

But then along comes THE MAGICIAN, the greatest hero of Ensorcelled. Magical [well, he is a magician], mysterious, and world-weary, he’s sick his fill of people begging and seeking out his secrets for their own dark desires.

The people of Blandings are no different than the other town’s towns and villages he’s gone to. They all want his magic and power to solve their problems – all except for Window. For her, seeing magic is like seeing color for the first time. Her request to The Magician is simple: she wants to learn magic.

Window is the first person to ever ask to learn magic for the sake of learning and it ["she" or "her request"] gives The Magician hope and an idea. He gifts her his book of spells and makes a promise. If she can learn to read his book and travel to Thaumaturgy City, the birthplace of magic, he will take her on as his protégé and teach her everything he knows. When The Magician leaves, Window studies the book in secret as often as she can.

Ten years later, Window isn’t any closer to learning magic. Instead, she’s working as a hat shop girl, sewing embellishment onto hats that she can never afford. It’s a steady job but one that she is fired from once the owner’s niece moves in.

Dejected and jobless, Window believes all she has now is the orphanage, only to be informed that as her sixteenth birthday is tomorrow, she is aging out and no longer welcomed there.

With nothing to lose, Window takes a stand. She grabs the book and makes the long journey to Thaumaturgy. Enduring storms and poverty, Window barely makes it to the birthplace of magic in one piece. She knows that it will be worth it when she meets The Magician again. However, Thaumaturgy is nothing like it is described in her book. There aren’t mermaids in the fountain’sfountains, fairies selling potions, and The Magician’s Tower and Planetarium--the symbols of his presence--are gone.

Taken to KING JOHN for questioning where magic has gone, Window is let in on a dark secret: The Magician is dead. With the city’s protector gone, Thaumaturgy is vulnerable to his enemies. Feeling pity for Window, King John makes her his personal guest and promises to take care of her.

Life as a royal doesn’t appeal to Window and without any other skills, all she has is hat making. Before resigning herself to a life of boredom and hats, she stops for lunch and by accident meets [I think there's a better choice of words here--we often meet people for no reason, so saying "by accident" doesn't really make sense. Maybe "happens upon" or simply "meets"?] a street cleaner known as THE JANITOR. He is an old and frail man but Window recognizes him as The Magician by his stunning eyes. She is insistent on his identity although he denies it. He claims to not know her, magic, or the promise he made.

Later that night, Window formulate as a plan to find out why The Magician has denied his true self, but she is attacked by assassins. As she runs for her life, she entangles The Janitor in her escape attempt. They jump from the city’s walls but instead of falling to their death, they float on air.

Window and The Janitor makes make it to safety but The Janitor is left terrified by their ordeal. Window manages to convince him that in order to return to safety, they must travel back tot to the city and see King John. Together they travel, but with clashing ideas and styles the duo’s relationship is strained. It is when the The [I think upper or lowercase is fine; just be consistent] Janitor attempts to burn Window’s book of spells does she lash out at him and dissolve their partnership.

Setting off on her own, Window doesn’t get far before she running into the assassins again. Disguising herself and her voice, Window learns that they are after The Janitor and herself. Unable to abandon The Janitor to the assassins, Window resolves to stick with him and get him to safety once they reach the city.

She reunites with The Janitor and they make amends. During the night, Window wakes from a nightmare. She sees The Janitor sleeping but [comma] not as an old man but as The Magician, restored to his true form. She realizes that he is cursed and becomes determined to break it. [I'm still a little confused. She recognized him as the Magician before. Has she since let him convince her he's not the Magician? Because this dream doesn't seem like it should be a big revelation to her.]

While they travel, Window speaks of The Magician’s history. She reawakens tiny memories of The Janitor’s fractured mind. Between the curse and old memories resurfacing, The Janitor can’t tell what’s real anymore but he does grow to trust Window who becomes Window, who has become the most stable person in his life.

They become friends. As they get closer to the city, The Janitor has doubts about the curse and becoming The Magician again. He would prefer to live a peaceful life with Window than fight evil. When he confesses this to Window, she reacts badly and insists that the world needs The Magician. She tries to convince him that all will be well once they reach King John and break the curse.

Unconvinced, The Janitor tries to make sense of it [of what?] when he runs into the assassins, now disguised as helpful guards. They deceive him [comma] saying that Window is a deranged patient who’s living a fantasy. The assassins split up Window and The Janitor. Window is arrested while The Janitor is taken to a secondary location.

Drugged, Window is brought to the castle and thrown in the dungeon where she is interrogated by King John. He demands to know who sent her and how she found The Magician. It is revealed that King John cursed The Magician out of jealousy and killed anyone who came looking for him. Deciding that Window is not a threat, King John leaves her to die in the dungeon. He gives the command to have The Magician killed, ending [completing? You wouldn't really "end" a genocide with more killing.] a near decade-long magical genocide.

But Window manages to escape and wanders through the dungeon’s system looking for a way out. She meets a madwoman in a cell who she frees after discovering she is another one of John’s victims. Meanwhile, The Janitor is consumed by guilt at abandoning his friend. He remembers her kindness and how she loves him unconditionally. Window’s love and his memories come together and break the curse over him.

His powers are weak, but with Window in danger, The Magician goes to the dungeon to find her. When he does, King John ambushes The Magician, Window, and the madwoman. He uses his powers against the trio but is stopped by the madwoman, CHASTITY, who is the true ruler. She demands that John stand down or die. John refuses and fights. He nearly wins but when he fights Window, she jumps out of the tower and her latent magical powers allow her to float to safety. John, in his madness, chases her and falls to his death.

The memory curse is broken with John’s death and Chastity is restored as Queen. During her coronation party, Chastity takes Window aside and informs her that John’s actions have nearly obliterated magic. She entrusts Window and The Magician to find out new magic practitioners and save magic before it dies out forever.


« Last Edit: December 12, 2018, 10:10:28 AM by kaperton » Logged
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