FREE BEER!! NAKED WOMEN!!

[AshK]

 
Some rejections are still worth framing.

[pilot27407]

Dear Mike,

I can candidly say that I enjoyed reading THE HARRY POTTER CODE FOR THE TWILIGHT'S SOUL. It shows a deep understanding of the chicken soup industry and your research is definitely coming through.
I am considering offering you representation, but, I must first mention a few things: 
First, we must work on seriously trimming it down. In today’s market, a vast epopee like yours, 564 words, would be hard to place, even with a mega publisher like Publish All-America.
Second, I can honestly say that time consuming rewriting is a must, as I found at least one comma which could be taken out. As such, I strongly suggest for you to contemplate hiring the services of a professional ghost-writer. As it happens, my eight year old daughter is currently available, and her fees are in line with those of other prominent book-doctors; she only charges $ 1,000 per line of text.
Naturally, once the rewriting is done, a top-notch editor must be brought in. But you’re a lucky SOB. My six year old son has agreed to take on this challenging job. His fees are slightly higher then those of his sister, but then, he’s a boy not a girl.
I feel extremely confident that, once your work of literary art has been properly rewritten and edited, I could take it to even the most discriminate self-publishing houses.
I must mention that my expert advise would be to go to a hard cover edition. I’ll fight for your contract and can safely foresee that a 100 first-run-copies would be produced. Naturally, you’ll have to assume responsibility to purchase 99. My wife, who red and loved your book, offered to buy 1.
So, dear Mike, rest assured that your work is in capable and honest hands.
Please send a certified check in the amount of $ 50,000 (to cover incidentals) to the PO Box below.
As I disconnected my phone service, too many publisher calling to beg for work I represent, you won’t be able to contact me, but I’ll contact you as soon as the $ 50,000 runs out ─I estimate within ten days or so.

Sincerely,

Your devoted agent, Sleazy  Slim

[AshK]

"Naturally, once the rewriting is done, a top-notch editor must be brought in. But you’re a lucky SOB. My six year old son has agreed to take on this challenging job. His fees are slightly higher then those of his sister, but then, he’s a boy not a girl."




ooofah! omg lol hcicbymfotgc.

[bryandub]

Pilot! That rocked and made the query that much better!   

[Chandara]

     

Good one!!!

[Axordil]

What's the percentage of queries they say come from prison...

[Kimmy]

This whole thread was great! I actually looked up an agent who specifically said she does not want any submissions from prison, let me see if I can find that info...OH,I cant find it.  But I was surprised that it specified nothing from prison!