THE MAD WORLD OF QUERYING

The mad, mad, mad world of querying is really mad. You finish the book, edit it, re-edit it and you congratulate yourself. All that’s left to do is write a 700 word letter introducing your masterpiece…. and let’s not forget the 3000 word summary. So? No big deal. After the 100,000 word manuscript you should be able to finish the darn query and synopsis in no time. So, you write those, read them, make a few changes and rub your hands. You’re done! There is one question. Whom should you start offering your work to? As good as it is you might as well go to the top… flip a coin between Donald Maass and Writers House. Donald wins, you send it and…. wait. An hour later you check your inbox. He surely read it by now and probably can hardly wait for your full manuscript, to read it overnight and send you the contract first thing in the morning. The box is empty. No big dead. He must be taking a long lunch with his wife, or better still with an editor. Who knows, he could be late because he’s already pitching your story…. now, something like that’s worth waiting a few more hours. You keep checking your mail every hour… last check at two in the morning. Somewhat perplexed you finally fall asleep. You check your box all next day…. nothing. You check it the whole week and finally it downs upon you, Donald must have been in an accident, maybe he’s in intensive care, God forbid. By the end of the second week you resigned yourself to the inevitable: Donald must be dead or he’s not as smart as people think.
No big deal, you open your query, make a few adjustments and send it to Writers House. A week later, when Simon Lipskar also fails to recognize the value of your work and doesn’t even ask for a partial, you decide to start querying others. You compile a list of the top agents and start sending your query to them, one at a time. Ten weeks later you break into a cold sweat…. An agent has answered. You read the boilerplate and can’t believe he’d rejected you…. so what if he doesn’t handle your genre? The work is so outstanding that he surely could have made an exception. His loss, you decide as you start developing a new list of agents.
Two months and three dozen queries later you glance at the list and shake your head in utter puzzlement. What’s wrong with these agents? All you’ve got to show for your labor are six form rejections and one request for the first ten pages, from a new agent whom you’ve queried by mistake…. who, in the end, suggests you do some heavy editing. What in hell is he talking about?
Six months later, with the help of some nice guys and gals from a few literary forums, you’ve knocked off 20,000 senseless words, rewritten the beginning, the middle and completely overhauled the end of the story, added some 6,000 words worth of character buildup, you’re showing more than you’re telling, the POV is just like a camera, the dialogue flows smoothly and two subplots make the story so much more thrilling…. you’ve discovered your voice. Last but not least you have a 230 word query that succinctly introduces the protagonist, antagonist, and a plot bristling with action…. and let’s not forget that great opening hook. As far as the synopsis goes, you managed to do a full description of the story and your characters in less than two pages…. You’re on a roll.
Most important you also learned how to research agents, find their interests, requirements and submission policies. Now, you’re ready to start querying.

I’m sure there are lots of things I simply forgot to mention… please feel free to jump in and point them out.