Biography

[Oubliette]

Dear Fae. K. Nayem

My name is Cory Azi.  I am 33 years of age, and I have for you an opportunity of a lifetime to represent me and my 1000 page biography entitled LITERALLY LITERARY: AN AGENT'S JOURNEY.  I know without a doubt that you are the agent for me.  I've followed your blogs religiously, and must say that one about the banana analogy was quite stunning!  I also believe you will find this opportunity to be once in a lifetime, and that this book will be a wonderful addition to shelves to use the inspiring life of on literary agent to give everyone a look into the trials and joys one of your profession carries!  That's not all;  the tale itself is quite heart warming, and the best part is, it's all true!

The story begins with a little bit of history on her parents, Meredith and Winston, and speaking of their humble origins and struggle through the 1930's.  This will give incite and understanding of how hard the subject's childhood was!  With both parents very frugal, the mother working full time to make ends meet and the father siphoning away at their funds with his addiction to alcohol, our real life heroine had a tough start.  Neither of her parents were educated and her older brothers, Zachary and Harold dropped out of school to find work to support their fathers habits.  And so even at a young age, she was determined to get a good education!  The first six chapters go into dire detail of how even at a young age she fulfilled her goals and followed her dreams at any cost to get a higher education than her family could have ever dreamed!  The hardships and the setbacks, including the death of her mother in her senior year will floor the readers.  The next three chapters are dedicated to her post secondary life and the new struggles it brings.  Finally, the next seven chapters detail her getting her position as a literary agent and founding her own Agency. 

You may find the above information vague, but there is not need to really go into detail of the turning points in this biography, because the star of this book is you, Fae!  All 1000 pages are all about you.  However, I have one finally chapter to write: the tragic death of Fae K. Nayem at the hands of a disgruntled author whose rejections by you threw him over the edge. 

Enclosed I have pictures I believe will be quite appropriate for the material; especially that really cute picture of you in the third grade with your puppy, Goldy.  I think it would look good in a collage to serve as the cover art.  Don't you?

I thank you for taking the time to read this query, and eagerly await your affirmative response.  And remember, nothing I write is fiction.

Yours truly
Cory Azi.

[Magic_Seeker]

               

[bodwen]

Dear Cory,

Thank you for your interest.  Please email me the first 50 pages or so, whereever it comes to a logical stop.  While this idea is hardly novel (I get a query like this about ten times a month) there is something about your meticulous research that makes me think that your manuscript might be a cut above the other drafts on this topic.

As far as your final chapter goes, I'm afraid it might be a little problematic.  You see, I'm not mortal in the literal sense. Short after completing my apprenticeship at the agency, my employers chained me to an alter and had a shaman remove the still beating my heart from my body and move it into a safety deposit box.  While they assured me that they did it for my protection, I find that since the ceremony I've been a more effective agent. 

I suppose it is remotely possible that a writer with your flair for research might find the box, but it won't be easy, and may pad your manuscript out to an unpublishable length.  I'd save that material for the sequel.

Bloodlessly yours,
Fae

[Oubliette]

Okay, I am laughing too hard at that witty agent response to follow it up right now.