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Author Topic: New version: Synopsis for "Border Crossing Lessons"  (Read 661 times)
ariannaf
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« on: January 15, 2010, 08:50:02 AM »

Hi, someone suggested I repost this after editing. I think I have worked out most of the issues identified last time. -Arianna

   By escaping to West Germany in the 1960’s, PAUL, a former German soldier captured by the Russians at Stalingrad, unwittingly alters the life path of a young girl in the 1990’s. That girl is ARIANNA, who was born legally blind in a scrap-lumber shack in the arid hills of Northeastern Oregon. Her transformation begins when she wins a high-school scholarship to study for a year in Germany.

Arianna grew up in a tight-knit community of eccentrics, social rebels and seasonal tree-planters and, amid the external pressures of the Cold War and the rise of Christian fundamentalism, she sees the world in terms of “us versus everyone else.” American schools are being forced to accept children with disabilities, and Arianna bears the brunt of the local backlash – from schoolyard ostracism to the disdain of school officials. She hopes Germany will be different but, when her disability is discovered by the Germans, she is spurned by her host father and barred from attending public school. To attend a private religious school, she must pretend to be a devout Protestant and question her deepest convictions.

Then, Paul’s grown daughters, who were long separated by the Iron Curtain, bring Arianna together with a romantic Czech musician and migrant worker. At sixteen, she takes off with him to Czechoslovakia on the eve of the break-up of that country. Her experiences there with a group of guitar-strumming young “Tramps” irrevocably tie her to the Czechs and broaden her worldview.

   Arianna is convinced that she must prove her worth to all those who rejected her for her disability by doing something extraordinary. So, she sets out to study Russian in Siberia. On the way, she is detained by Ukrainian soldiers, who force her onto a train headed to Romania as a spiteful prank. To escape, Arianna must leap from the moving train in the middle of the night and enlist the help of railway workers to get the correct train to make an unscheduled stop. She then travels across the Trans-Siberian Railroad, bunks with Kazakh shuttle-traders and finds herself briefly held at gunpoint by an alleged ex-KGB officer. In the Siberian town of Kurgan, the mafia rules the shattered streets, food is difficult to buy at any price and some people don’t believe America even exists. While living with an unstable Russian family, Arianna learns to survive in the anarchic society of Siberia despite her vision impairment and struggles with her conflicted identity as a dissident American.

   The following year, Arianna returns to what is now the Czech Republic on a journalism internship and is forced to come to terms with the dark side of her Czech friends – extreme racism against the country’s Romani (Gypsy) minority. In a further attempt to prove herself, she wins a place on a study program in Zimbabwe, over the objections of the program director, who fears her vision impairment will be a burden to the group. While in Africa, Arianna makes a disastrous attempt to work for a local newspaper, learns what it is like to have skin that glows the wrong color and forms an intense sister-like bond with a village woman. After she is sent home for contracting malaria, Arianna is emotionally shaken when her friend’s letters describe a terrible drought and then stop coming altogether.

After a few months back in the US, Arianna’s job application at a small-town American newspaper is rebuffed by an editor who says no blind person can be a reporter, so she sets out as a freelancer - from New York and Prague to Kazakhstan, Bangladesh and Nepal. Hounded by her fear of social ostracism, she struggles to make a living by writing, while visiting shanty towns and isolated villages. She befriends girls and women in each new place, and she sees each country from the point of view of the underclass. Eventurally, she marries a soft-spoken Czech man and becomes semi-settled in the Czech Republic.

Her “big break” in journalism comes when an acquaintance hands Arianna a job in Macedonia for Business Week. She sets out to interview a minister of finance and a Balkan war breaks out while she is there. Then, as the spreading conflict seals the borders, she is trapped in neighboring Kosovo with a photographer, a Finnish aid worker and a Romani interpreter. Since heavily armed Albanian gangs have forced most of the Romani population to flee for their lives, Kosovo becomes hostile territory for Arianna and her companions. After days of anxiety amid bombed-out villages and refugee camps, they hear of a breach in the blockade. But their jeep dies in a dangerous area at night before they can escape. Only thanks to the help of a courageous Albanian driver do they make it across the border to the relative safety of Macedonia, which is its self on the brink of civil war.

   Arianna becomes a regular correspondent for The Christian Science Monitor, covering the Macedonian conflict. She crosses the front lines, avoids snipers and interviews shell-shocked people on both sides. Then, the American military gets involved, setting off an anti-American backlash. Due to geopolitical circumstances, Arianna is now targeted by the Macedonian side and thrown together with the same Albanian militants that she recently fled from in Kosovo. She narrowly outruns an armed mob and survives a terrifying night of rioting and gunfire. Finally, she gains a measure acceptance in the elite community of international war correspondents.

September 11, 2001 forces Arianna to view war from a different angle and to reevaluate her priorities away from proving herself and toward seeking her own balance. Several years later, her experiences seeing the world through the eyes of diverse cultures, help Arianna to bridge a rift of cultures and religions that has divided her extended family for fifteen years.  In the end, her experiences in Romani communities assist her in adopting a Romani child.
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Brenlee
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« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2010, 03:57:32 PM »

Hello Arianna,

Today is my first day back to writing since the PRK on my eyes on 1/11.  I'm so thrilled to be seeing finally.  It's a total miracle (and it was painful too).  I have little time since I'm behind on my writing, but I promised I would read your revision as soon as I could.  So here it is.

I like the elements of your story.  The thing is that you need to bring in some personality and cut the synopsis down some.  It's reading too long and too play-by-play like.  You're on the right track and it's getting better.  I love the images you invoke.  I think you need to narrow in on Arianna's blindness -- her frustrations, fears, and triumphs. 

I'm not sure how Paul has changed Arianna's life, therefore I'm not sure you need to include him in the synopsis.  Your focus should be Arianna.  The book will tell about Paul and his family.  Again, a brief and quick read will keep the attention of an agent.

Maybe start with Arrianna in a high action part of the book and briefly work from there.  Something like this--

Arianna (give her last name and age) never thought her high-school scholarship to study in Germany would lead her to jump from a speeding train, but there she was ready to leap into the unknown darkness.  Darkness was not unusual for Arianna, she's lived in the dark her entire life.  Born legally blind, Arianna has never let her disability slow her down and she wasn't about to start. 

I had to cut my synopsis down to 500 words by the suggestions of the wonderful writers here on querytracker.  I tend to go on and on.  You have a great road map here, so cut away.  Good luck and I'll be happy to read your next revision!

Brenlee
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ariannaf
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« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2010, 06:32:44 AM »

Brenlee,
Many thanks for your ideas. I'm sorry your operation was so painful. That sounds miserable. I hope it will all turn out better. I'm going through some painful medical stuff too now (though completely unrelated to eyes), so I can relate.
Can I ask just one serious question? I really would rather not have Paul in the synopsis. He is key in the story but not major in terms of amount of text devoted to him in the scheme of things. The problem is that the story opens with him and his story. I really think it is the best opening and I don't want to change the manuscript to suite the synopsis. That sounds a bit nuts. But if I don't have Paul in the synopsis, I'm afraid busy agents will get confused and think they are reading a different manuscript or a different synopsis or that I just completely did it wrong. So, does anyone have any idea if it is possible to start the manuscript with Paul but not include him in the synopsis at all?
As for length, it is two pages because this is my two-page synopsis. I have seen a lot of requests from agents for two or three page synopses. I can make a shorter version without much trouble. The hard part was finding a way to formulate the key plot points. I mean, I had a general idea of my plot structure (memoir or no memoir) before I started writing, but only general. I think I should have done the synopsis as soon as I got about 3/4 of the way through the first draft of the manuscript because it really helped to solidify things. I still hate writing a synopsis, like everyone, but I do recognize it's usefulness. Smiley
Arianna

P.S. Just a note for the curious. The reason why the synopsis doesn't have more about Arianna's disability in it is because that isn't the main focus of the manuscript either. In fact, I think it is slightly overemphasized in the synopsis as compared with the manuscript. There is a genre of disability writing, off segregated in its own little corner, but this isn't it. This is a story, where the character happens to have a disability. It isn't irrelevant, because that would be dishonest, but it isn't the most important issue in the story. I think there are whole chapters where it doesn't even come up. That's because it really wasn't an issue at those times.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2010, 06:36:17 AM by ariannaf » Logged
JeanneG
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« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2010, 08:33:21 AM »

Arianna,

I sympathize with your struggle. I'm still re-working my synopsis, and I swear, I think it's worse than writing a query letter!  Cry That said, I want to share a link to a blog that has some great examples of well-written synopses. The examples cover all kinds of stories, so you may find something here that will help you:

http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog/CategoryView,category,SynopsisWriting.aspx

Good luck. I'm planning to use one of these as a template for my own synopsis.

JeanneG
http://www.jeannelyetgassman.com
http://jeannelyetgassman.blogspot.com
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Querying: The Blood of A Stone
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Brenlee
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« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2010, 08:57:32 AM »

I'm surprised that her disability isn't the main part of the story.  Your synopsis makes it sound like it is and that's why I narrowed in on that topic to focus on.  With that said, you need to focus on the true theme of your story and bring that to the foreground.  As far as Paul's story is concerned, you don't have to go this happens, then this happens, and finally this happens.  You just have to grasp the story and then summarize what happens.  Paul is a secondary character and Arianna is the MC so you only have to talk about her journey, which apparently starts in chapter two. 

The site Jeanne listed above is great.  You'll notice that each sample is about 500 words.  Your synopsis is over 900 words.  You'll need to have a synopsis of 500 words for most agent submissions.  So you can keep a longer one in case someone wants it, but I strongly suggest having a brief one too.  I had a long one and then found out it was too long and had to get a short one at the last minute and didn't have time to really do it right.  So prepare yourself for whatever comes up during the query process.

Again, make it read like a movie trailer blurb and bring in some excitement.  Good luck!

Brenlee
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ariannaf
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« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2010, 07:10:05 AM »

I do focus on the main theme. The main theme is the process of entering other cultures and dealing with intercultural strife. That is the thread that ties it together from beginning to end. I think this is typical criticism of anything written about or by someone with a disability or from a high-profile minority. You either should focus on it completely or shut up about it. You are either pigeon-hole lit or should assimilate entirely. Sorry for the rant but I'm frustrated this. Cindi's memoir, mentioned elsewhere on this site is a great example of a memoir that can not avoid this sort of issue, so it doesn't avoid it. It just discusses it where it is relevant. It is significant to the story and the background but it is not the main theme. How revolutionary! Smiley I will consider all criticisms, including the idea that I should include disability issues more or less, but I would like to hear about something else occassionally.
-Arianna
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Brenlee
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« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2010, 09:31:45 AM »

Wow.  I never told you to "shut-up" about her disability.  I merely said that I was surprised because your synopsis made it sound like a theme. This line made me think that:  Arianna is convinced that she must prove her worth to all those who rejected her for her disability by doing something extraordinary.

BTW I wasn't criticizing, I was critiquing.  If you remember when you posted before, I said I liked your story.

Maybe someone will feel differently than I do.  It's only my opinion.  Good luck with your query.

Brenlee
« Last Edit: January 29, 2010, 09:35:31 AM by Brenlee » Logged

hth99
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« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2010, 07:21:16 AM »

To arrianaf:
I liked the suggestions I read for your synopsis that preceded mine.  I too, don't see a good reason why Paul's character should be mentioned in your synopsis unless you make us understand why he changed her life?  I don't see what he did except that he had daughters who introduce Arianna to other characters.  What is the emotional hook between Paul and Arianna?  The synopsis is long too, with a lot of place names and details that bog it down.  I found your writing good, and the premise of the story interests me, but I think you should include the emotional life of the story in the synopsis.  I would love to see a sample page from your story, if you have one on this site.  Good luck with your work. 
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ariannaf
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« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2010, 12:17:16 PM »

Hi hth,
Thanks for the note. I think I have figured out a way to fix the Paul issue. The problem is that there is more than that he had daughters but it is really complicated. So, perhaps it can be dealt with without being in the synopsis. I just assumed I had to put it in there because the manuscript begins with it. I have my first five pages posted under the other heading, it just got buried fast but it's there.
I am still confused about one thing. I thought I did include the emotional life, giving the emotional motivations and drives of the main character in running away from rejection and having to prove her self. That is basically the emotional life of the story. There are a lot of stories in the world without big romace plot-lines. Smiley There was a romance but it just wasn't as interesting as the rest, so it got cut. It is much more an adventure story than a soppy emotional story, but I definitely think it has an emotional motive. All stories do. Is there something I could do to make the motive more clear? I've stated it in multiple sentences in the synopsis. I just don't get that part of the rules, I guess.
Arianna
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hth99
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« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2010, 08:52:50 AM »

Hello Ariannaf,

I looked at your synopsis again, and I do see a good outline of character motivation.  I think I felt let down at the end of your synopsis, as I did not see the payoff for all your protagonist had done with her life.  She proved herself beyond most people for her brave acts and challenging life pursuits, but what did it mean to her?  Was the payoff a better relationship with her family, or that she created the personal life she never had through adopting a child?   
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