OK It is time for my first ever quwry letter. Let me know..... GOOD OR BAD

[M-Kenny]

First off; I hereby give you permission to be BLUNT. My wife tells me all the time that I am too blunt. But Hey, at least you know where I am coming from. SO go ahead and fire it back at me. I can handle it.
Thanks A BUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Query Letter
Dear {Agent}:

Marty and Diane were together on the shores of Lake Erie during the Viet Nam era. The sexual revolution was in full throttle forward.  Protests were building about the war and as well as the environment. Our Boys were running to Canada to escape serving our country.

As teen-agers, Marty’s mom was certain that they were getting “too close” and she put a stop to his ever seeing her again. He was working at her parent’s horse farm when they met. He simply could not stand not seeing her. She was a wreck because she had no idea why the boy that she loved and the boy that had professed to love her would not even speak to her at school anymore.  She had no idea that his mom had spies in school to make certain that he stayed away from her. His mom had heard that she was not the kind of girl that her son should spend time with at all!

They both lost track of each other. She assumed he returned to his home state of Oklahoma and he assumed she was leading a storybook life of the perfect wife and mother. Both were far from being correct! They lived 400 miles apart but at the same time, their paths actually touched one another’s on occasions, without their knowing it.

Neither one ever forgot the other. They both fantasized about what life would have been if they were together. Their own lives were empty and they did not know why.

Her 3rd husband died of cancer and she discovered the internet. There he was! She found him on a classmate website and decided to send him a note. Little did she realize that his marriage was on the rocks and that her seemingly innocent note would spark a full fledged divorce from his 2nd wife; so that they could reunite and finish out their lives together as they had been meant to be; back over 35 years earlier.   

Many times people fall in love during their youth, only to move on without ever realizing that they had missed the perfect match for them to spend their entire lives together. Divorce is rampant because we decide that we can never find that special person to be with the rest of our lives. Have you ever felt that? This story chronicles the turmoil as well as the joy of such a union, separation, and then finally, the reunion of these two lovers.


This 90,000-word manuscript is almost complete. The author has first hand knowledge of how to write this story. Taken from his and his wife’s personal story, the author wishes to share it with others. This story is in the style of Fried Green Tomatoes, where the author sits back and shares it with those interested in “hearing” about their lives.

Second Chances….A Love Story; will attract the attention of women and romantic men that are not normally interested in romantic stories. Many readers out there will be able to place themselves in the characters roles as they realize that they too struggle because of  the loss of their true love at some point.


I have written many articles in trade publications during my 35 years as a Farrier. In the past, I have had writing professors at such prestigious schools of learning as Duke University say that I should take up writing. Therefore, I am offering this story for your consideration.

Thank you in advance for your time. I look forward to your response;
 

[Cole Gibsen]

Hi M-Kenny!

I may not be the best at synopsis' but I can definitely do queries , not trying to brag here people but I get a ton of requests for my manuscript...now the rejections that follow, that's an entirely different matter; so we'll just forget about that and move right along...

Anyhow the basic formula is this:
1. Why are you quering this agent
2. Brief description
3. Hook
4. Your title, genre, word count
5. Author bio
6. Thank you and goodbye

You've got the basic idea, you just need to tweak a couple of things as this almost comes off as a query/synopsis hybrid. With the query less is more; with the synopsis, well that depends on the agent.
Some things to leave out:
1. outcome, (leave 'em with a hook)
2. the fact that you haven't finished (they hate that - so finish up before you send these out ;))
3. bio info that has unpublished writing info, or other people's opinions
4. comparisons such as "This book is very similar to something Stephen King would write." (they hate those too)

If I were to do this really quickly (translation - don't use this without editing it) it would look like this:

my name
my address
my phone #
my email

agent's name
agent's agency name
agents address

Dear Agent,

I read on your website that you represent romance. I thought you might be interested in my novel, XXXXX.

XXXXX is a modern day love story told from the point of view of childhood lovers Marty and Diane, who were tragically torn apart in their teens by Marty's controlling mother. Now in their fifties, both had been leading wilting lives (Marty suffering through a loveless marriage and Diane recently widowed), when they stumbled across each other on the internet, igniting an old flame that had never gone out. As they struggle to connect over a 400 hundred mile gap, the fact that Diane's kids disapprove of the relationship and Marty's divorce turns violent only adds to their problems.

XXXXX is 300 pages doubled spaced and 90,000 words.

This story is reflective on my own life experiences and I would love the chance to share it.

Please let me know if you are interested in XXXXX. I have included a SASE for your convenience. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.



Author's Name

So that's very quickly a condensed version of yours. You can use all of it, (but please edit, I'm horrible with punctuation) some of it, or none of it. I just hope I gave you some ideas. Your story sounds very interesting and I can tell just from your letter how passionate you are about it That's great, hold on to that!

Good luck!

[Patrick]

Wow Senshi, that's a really good rewrite.  I think you've got something there.

[M-Kenny]

Senshi, that is a GREAT HELP. Thanks so very much for putting you time into such a wonderful response. I will certainly take all your advice to heart and move ahead. I will continue to tweak as other input comes in and then get it back up for more review. Again A GREAT BIG THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

[Miss Java]

I agree.  Senshi, what a great rewrite.  Almost makes me want to write a quick query to have you look at.

[Cole Gibsen]

I agree.  Senshi, what a great rewrite.  Almost makes me want to write a quick query to have you look at.

Anytime Like I said, I can only go off of agent response, and from what it's been I got this query thing down. Now as far as the rest goes ...ummmm not so much!

[justwrite]

Great, Senshi! I was going to weigh in but you nailed it. What he had there was a mini synopsis. You have helped establish the hook.
Have you seen my latest version (JustWrite). I'd love your opinion. You are great at queries. Believe me, synopsi are the worst. I am awful at them and needed help from my two critique groups.

But for M-Kenny, I have one other thing to add. Don't query UNTIL your novel is finished, finished, FINISHED. Has anyone critiqued it? Are you in a critique group? And if you still send it out with the ms unfinished, certainly don't mention that!!!!

[M-Kenny]

OK I will CERTAINLY NOT send it out without finishing the MS. I am all but done with it now, so I  will hold off. But in the mean time I will continue to tweak it to get it ready.
Below is my tweak of what Senshi set me headed toward.
Thanks for all your comments. This site is a terrific tool!!!!!!!!


Dear Agent,

I read on your website that you represent romance authors. I thought you might be interested in my novel, Second Chances….A Love Story.

Second Chances….A Love Story is a modern day story told from the point of view of childhood lovers Marty and Diane. They met on a horse farm on the shores of Lake Erie. Tragically, Marty’s controlling mother tore them apart in their teens. Now in their fifties, both had been leading wilting lives (Marty suffering for 24 years in a loveless marriage and Diane recently widowed), when she discovered him via the internet, igniting an old flame that had never gone out. While they struggle to connect over a 500 hundred mile gap, the fact that Diane's family and friends were skeptical of the relationship and her mom was jealous that her daughter had found happiness that she never knew made it difficult. Adding to that were Marty's concerns about his adult daughter’s reaction to a divorce that turns nasty and the reaction over the divorce by the Pastor that he served as an Elder; and the decision to reunite becomes even more convoluted and heart wrenching than imaginable.

Second Chances….A Love Story; will even attract the attention of both men and women that are not normally interested in romantic stories. Many readers will be able to place themselves in the character’s roles as they realize that they too struggle because of the loss of their true love at some point.


Second Chances….A Love Story is 300 pages doubled spaced and 90,000 words.

This story is reflective on my own life experiences and I would love the chance to share it.

Please let me know if you are interested in Second Chances….A Love Story. I have included a SASE for your convenience. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.



Author's Name