World's worst rejection letter

[EvaBrick]

Thought I'd try something new...

Dear Author, Moron with a typewriter,

OMFG, your "novel" was the best piece of junk I've read in a month. It was so terrible that I taped the first five pages to the side of the chip machine for everyone else to read on their way to the bathroom.

At first I thought your premise was a joke (I mean, whoever heard of a fridge with feelings?) but as I read on, I saw that you were actually serious about your major-appliance romantic comedy. You know that sad scene where the old toaster dies? I laughed so damn hard that my orange juice came out my nose. I totally sprewed it all over the slush pile. (No worries though - I had my intern chuck the whole thing in the trash.)

By the way, "you're" means "you are" and "your" is the possesive form. Here's a random example of how to use these words correctly: Your manuscript is a waste of paper. You're a terrible writer.

Please send your queries to other agents via email so that other trees won't be senselessly killed to print your 420,000 word embarrassment to the English language.

Sincerely,

Uber Agent

[augusto]

I'm sorry but that hits a little too close to home... 

[peacock]

I'm about to start sending out query's....oh goodness please let it go better for me than this fake but worst nightmare rejection:)

[lexcade]

i had a dream the other night in which an agent e-rejected me and referred to my manuscript as total BS.... not a pleasant dream.

[clutzattack]

You forgot, "Don't even consider Self-Publishing either. You couldn't even give this book away with a free toaster."

[munley]

You forgot, "Don't even consider Self-Publishing either. You couldn't even give this book away with a free toaster."

Actually, the free toaster is a great idea. I mean, you could stencil a little tombstone on it with R.I.P. Go for it, Eva!

[EvaBrick]

You forgot, "Don't even consider Self-Publishing either. You couldn't even give this book away with a free toaster."

LOL!