Witch Eyes

[Legionsynch]

Why not.

I am seeking representation for my YA urban fantasy novel, WITCH EYES (88,000 words).  [[Blurbs why I chose this agent in here.]]   The novel follows Braden, a seventeen-year-old navigating sexual identity in a story of magic, manipulation, and mean girls.

Braden is the only guy he knows that wears his sunglasses at night.  His vision problems are unique even among other witches.  He sees the world as it truly is – a brighter and alien encyclopedia full of memories, pain, and darkness.  This vision makes him a formidable witch who can unravel spells with a glance, see through lies, and occasionally glimpse the past; but it’s a gift tempered with pain and powerful migraines that worsen the longer he gives into them. 

When Braden is lured to Springfield hoping for a fresh start, he finds trouble instead.  A supernatural feud has gone on in town for generations, and each side hopes to use him to achieve a final, vicious victory.  As the battle lines are drawn, his new friends are on opposite sides of the conflict, the guy he’s fallen for is becoming his enemy, and tensions in town are escalating.  If Braden can avoid becoming a sacrificial pawn, he might learn why he was born with the witch eyes and how to stop the feud, but also find the normal life he was looking for.

I believe that Braden’s struggle will appeal to fans of Perry Moore’s Hero, as well as fans of Scott Westerfeld’s Midnighters series.

[newday11]

  Well, not my stuff but it did hold my attention. If it were me I'd emphasize the hook by putting 3 dots in front of mean girls. That's just me. Sounds interesting. newday11

[Senshi]

Howdy Lege,
It's looking good! My only suggestion is the line: A supernatural feud has gone on in town for generations
I would change it to present tense.

Great job 

[justwrite]

WOW, dude! It's perfect!!!! I think Senshi has pointed out something worth thinking about...just mention that it's a feud between the ruling Witch Dynasties (or something).

[Legionsynch]

How about:

A supernatural feud divides the town...

Does that work?

[Jessica V.]

Why not.

I am seeking representation for my YA urban fantasy novel, WITCH EYES (88,000 words).  [[Blurbs why I chose this agent in here.]]   The novel follows Braden, a seventeen-year-old navigating sexual identity in a story of magic, manipulation, and mean girls. (I LOVE this last line here. Mean girls - haha!)

Braden is the only guy he knows that wears his sunglasses at night.  His vision problems are unique even among other witches.  He sees the world as it truly is – a brighter and alien encyclopedia full of memories, pain, and darkness.  This vision makes him a formidable witch who can unravel spells with a glance, see through lies, and occasionally glimpse the past; but it’s a gift tempered with pain and powerful migraines that worsen the longer he gives into them.  (I highlighted the two witch sections because it feels like that's using the term too often. Could the whole line 'His visions problems...' be cut? Or maybe change it to: 'His vision problems are unique, and he sees the world as it truly is - a brighter and alien encyclopedia...')

When Braden is lured to Springfield hoping for a fresh start,(For some reason I keep reading this like 'Springfield' is the one hoping for a fresh start?! Maybe that's just me.) he finds trouble instead.  A supernatural feud has gone on in town for generations, and each side hopes to use him to achieve a final, vicious victory.  As the battle lines are drawn, his new friends are on opposite sides of the conflict, the guy he’s fallen for is becoming his enemy, and tensions in town are escalating.  If Braden can avoid becoming a sacrificial pawn, he might learn why he was born with the witch eyes and how to stop the feud, but also find the normal life he was looking for.(The 'but also find' keeps tripping me up here. What about something like 'while also finding' - ? Eh, I don't know.)

I believe that Braden’s struggle will appeal to fans of Perry Moore’s Hero, as well as fans of Scott Westerfeld’s Midnighters series.

This so totally rocks!! I'm thinking I might get an agent buddy from this...

[gypsygurl]

I know somebody who's night is made. 

[Legionsynch]

I am seeking representation for my YA urban fantasy novel, WITCH EYES (88,000 words).  [[Blurbs why I chose this agent in here.]]   The novel follows Braden, a seventeen-year-old navigating sexual identity in a story of magic, manipulation, and mean girls.

Braden is the only guy he knows that wears his sunglasses at night.  He sees the world as it truly is – a brighter and alien encyclopedia full of memories, pain, and darkness.  Though this vision makes him a formidable witch who can unravel spells with a glance, see through lies, and occasionally glimpse the past, it’s a gift tempered with pain and powerful migraines that worsen the longer he gives into them.

When Braden, hoping for a fresh start, is lured to Springfield he finds trouble instead.  A supernatural feud involving rival witch families divides the town, and each side hopes to use him to achieve a final, vicious victory.  As the battle lines are drawn, his new friends are on opposite sides of the conflict, the guy he’s fallen for is becoming his enemy, and tensions in town are escalating.  If Braden can avoid becoming a sacrificial pawn, he might learn why he was born with the witch eyes, how to stop the feud, and find the normal life he was looking for.

I believe that Braden’s struggle will appeal to fans of Perry Moore’s Hero, as well as fans of Scott Westerfeld’s Midnighters series.


--- And Jessica...you're making me blush!

[Jessica V.]

When Braden, hoping for a fresh start, is lured to Springfield he finds trouble instead.  What about - "Hoping for a fresh start, Braden is lured to Springfield, but he finds trouble instead." Or, you know, something like that.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Love the re-working. The last thing I have to offer on it is the above, and you can feel free to take it or leave it. This is seriously so good - it really gets across your voice!

[justwrite]

That's what I love about it, too. Now, send on the edits, Lege..my Cudateeth are Hungry!   

[Senshi]

    
I like JV's latest suggestion. After that--you're set!

[justwrite]

Which should be an incentive to make sure the ms is polished to a high shine. Remember what JV said about how those requests rolled in fast and furious and she thought it would take longer. Don't send out a single one until you are absolutely certain you're ready...because you are going to get an avalanche of requests with this.

[Legionsynch]

Yeah....for some reason, I really don't think I'm going to get the amount of interest you guys think I will.  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the support, but I've just got this feeling that it's really only going to interest a couple of agents.

But no, I'm not sending queries until I've gone through the darn MS with a fine toothed comb.

On the other hand?  Since GG has a tendency to smugly remind me how many partials and fulls she's had requested so far (seven is the latest count),  if there IS going to be interest, then I need to crush her numbers.

[Legionsynch]

Plus, as JV reminded me last night, I probably want to start getting a synopsis ready in the meantime, so I've got it ready to go for anyone that requests it.

My whole goal with the query was to get it started way before the querying process, that way by the time I was done, that thing was polished to a nice, healthy glow.  And I think, thanks to everyone's advice, it's pretty much there.

[newday11]

  Yep. newday11