These were so hilarious, I decided I had to contribute!

[melindaville]

Hahahahaha--I really needed the laughs today, after spending all day revising and re-revising both my query letter and synopsis.  Here's my small contribution! 

Hey YO!


I’m in desperate need of an agent and you look like you’re struggling based on the fact that I haven’t heard of one of the authors you represent.  I’m thinking we might be able to help each other out, right?  My book is guaranteed to be a best seller—and most of my friends even think that it should even be a movie—so perhaps you can work on a multi-media deal for me, okay?

I’m happy to send you my book—well what I have finished of it anyway.  I’ll only say that it is a memoir of my incredible life.  I’m not going to say more because you really need to read the book but you won’t be sorry if you do (have I got your interest now???). 

I’m so sure that my book is going to make me famous that I just quit my job—so obviously, I’m going to need a lot of money as an advance--be sure to make sure publishers know this in advance.   

I’m expecting you are interested already, so I am attaching the entire manuscript for your convenience.

Here’s to our new partnership, bud!  As Bogie said, “This is the start to a beautiful relationship.”  I just feel it in my bones!

Get back to me soon or you might lose out! 

Signed,

You just got lucky, agent!


 

[Starry Eyed]

 

[sadapplemonday]

Dear Writer,

I'm very excited about your MS and can see it being a huge success as well. I can see your memoir as a book, film, and a clothing line with your face on t-shirts.

In fact, I'm so positive on the successful outcome and future money flow that will obviously douse us in millions, that I TOO, have just quit my job.

.....Oh, Wait.

Getting a little ahead of myself.

Your unemployed agent.