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Queries and Agents => World's Worst Query Letters => Topic started by: Waterfall on April 24, 2017, 10:26:18 PM



Title: If I were trying to do everything wrong...
Post by: Waterfall on April 24, 2017, 10:26:18 PM
Deer Mister/Mrs./Miss/Ms. Literary Representative.

Please permit me to introduce myself. My name is Ginger Snapz (well, that's the pen name I'll be using LOLZ), and I've got a fiction novel you can sell to make us both rich. It's a rural sex romance called Fifty Grades of Hay, about a hunky dairy farmer and the agricultural extension agent who heats up his pasteurizer, if you know what I mean :naughty:

Here's a hot take:

She moaned as he placed the itemized dairy log into her alabaster hands. My inner milkmaid is going to cream, she thought as she watched him review the cooperative's daily pumping schedule. "Our production's a little down lately," he growled. "Maybe we should be... more aggressive."

So I'm about half done, I can probably finish the rest in a week or so. This stuff comes really easy to me. Let me know when you're ready, and I'll get the whole thing to you. (Your computer reads WordStar files, right?) Once you're ready to cut the check, I'll fill you in on my real name and contact info in the Virgin Islands.

Can't WAIT!!!

XOXO,
Ginger
 


Title: Re: If I were trying to do everything wrong...
Post by: KimE on April 25, 2017, 09:29:23 AM
Awesome. You had me at WordStar file


Title: Re: If I were trying to do everything wrong...
Post by: samcantcook on April 25, 2017, 01:26:07 PM
I work with a GINGER SCHNAPP! She will never forgive her parents for the first name or her husband for the last, hahah!


Title: Re: If I were trying to do everything wrong...
Post by: cdecho on June 08, 2017, 11:55:18 PM
Terrible query, but I'd love to read the story as a spoof on fifty shades. Daily pumping schedule! HA!


Title: Re: If I were trying to do everything wrong...
Post by: Thanksgiving400 on August 10, 2017, 01:59:11 PM
I'll be done with it soon, please send me a self addressed, stamped envelope and I'll shoot it over when done.


Title: Re: If I were trying to do everything wrong...
Post by: TimandHonor on November 28, 2017, 11:12:11 PM
This is pure gold.