QueryTracker Community

Queries and Agents => Query Review => Topic started by: kwill79 on December 07, 2017, 10:42:58 AM



Title: Query: A TEAM FOR ZIA (Picture Book)
Post by: kwill79 on December 07, 2017, 10:42:58 AM
All suggestions welcome.  Thank you in advance (karma points coming your way!).

Dear ________________,

I am sending you this query for my children’s picture book, entitled A TEAM FOR ZIA, which is complete at 800 words, for your review. Per your website’s instructions, I have pasted the entire story below this query.

Zia the Zebra longs to play soccer with her friends.  But when the sports teams at Shetland Academy are divided by colors, Zia feels left out and fears she’ll never fit in.  She and her friends must put their heads together to come up with a creative solution, or Zia may never realize her dream of being part of the team.

A TEAM FOR ZIA will appeal to children ages 6-8 years.  It is similar to books like ‘Ruby Bridges’ and “Giraffes Can’t Dance,” but differs in that it includes themes of diversity and friendship. 

I am a pediatric RN and a contributing writer for the book “The Whole Pregnancy: A Complete Nutrition Plan for Gluten Free Moms to Be” due to be released in 2018. 
Thank you for your time and consideration.





Title: Re: Query: A TEAM FOR ZIA (Picture Book)
Post by: mgmystery on December 11, 2017, 07:29:45 AM
I haven't had experience reading PB queries, but this seems solid to me (and a timely premise)!


Title: Re: Query: A TEAM FOR ZIA (Picture Book)
Post by: debbie.rosenberg58 on December 11, 2017, 10:23:43 AM
I think your story sounds charming. The only thing I would change is the first line, though:

I am sending you this query for my children’s picture book, entitled A
I am seeking representation for A TEAM FOR ZIA, a children's picture book which is complete at 800 words, for your review. Per your website’s instructions, I have pasted the entire story below this query

Also, I would leave out "put their heads together" and "creative solution." Rather: ....work together to find a way for Zia to fit in...."

Good luck!


Title: Re: Query: A TEAM FOR ZIA (Picture Book)
Post by: gckatz on December 11, 2017, 11:54:26 AM
I think this is very sweet. I like your plot summary, but I'd try to cut down the other material so that the story stays front and center.

Quote
I am sending you this query for my children’s picture book, entitled A TEAM FOR ZIA, which is complete at 800 words, for your review. Per your website’s instructions, I have pasted the entire story below this query. I'd take out this whole bit and just incorporate it into the bit at the end.

Zia the Zebra longs to play soccer with her friends.  But when the sports teams at Shetland Academy are divided by colors, Zia feels left out Feels left out or actually is left out? and fears she’ll never fit in.  She and her friends must put their heads together to come up with a creative solution, or Zia may never realize her dream of being part of the team.

A TEAM FOR ZIA is an 800-word picture book that will appeal to children ages 6-8 years.  It is similar to books like ‘Ruby Bridges’ and “Giraffes Can’t Dance,” but differs in that it includes themes of diversity and friendship.

I am a pediatric RN and a contributing writer for the book “The Whole Pregnancy: A Complete Nutrition Plan for Gluten Free Moms to Be” due to be released in 2018. That you work with children is great, but generally I think a non-narrative nonfiction for adults isn't similar enough to include as a writing credit. (Other people may disagree with me.)
Thank you for your time and consideration.


Title: Re: Query: A TEAM FOR ZIA (Picture Book)
Post by: Curious Author on December 11, 2017, 01:38:56 PM
I second the feedback so far, especially what has been said about keeping the first paragraph brief and focusing on the (adorable) story.

I hope that, based on the fact that your query is here, you had some success with #PitMad? :)


Title: Re: Query: A TEAM FOR ZIA (Picture Book)
Post by: kwill79 on December 15, 2017, 11:24:24 AM
Thanks for all the feedback!  No, I didn't have any success with PitMad, which was a bit disappointing, but it's just one contest out of millions more, so I'll keep trying.  From what I saw there was only one PB agent scouting the pitches, so my chances weren't high to begin with I guess.
Great suggestions, I will get to work revising!   Thanks again everyone.  And um, how do I give people Karma points?


Title: Re: Query: A TEAM FOR ZIA (Picture Book)
Post by: kwill79 on December 15, 2017, 11:28:12 AM
never mind about the karma points, I figured it out!  Thanks again everyone  :up: