QueryTracker Community

Queries and Agents => Post your Elevator Pitch => Topic started by: longknife on December 07, 2018, 06:47:20 AM

Title: Would you buy this novel?
Post by: longknife on December 07, 2018, 06:47:20 AM
From this blurb? A work in progress.

A modern Cherokee warrior suffers deep wounds of war, a medicine woman’s love helps him heal, and the two uncover an international plot that caused the fiery death of his parents.

Title: Re: Would you buy this novel?
Post by: kaperton on December 07, 2018, 11:53:37 AM
I'm not crazy about "the medicine woman's love helps him heal." She's a medicine woman - she should be healing him with medicine, right? And we can hope that the two of them fall in love. But reducing her ability to heal with her nurturing, womanly love riles the feminist in me a bit.

Other than that, I'd want to maybe know when the fiery death of his parents was. Whether it was when he was a baby, 5 years ago, or 2 months ago, it would still be exciting. But somehow I think it would make it more exciting to know when it was.
Title: Re: Would you buy this novel?
Post by: longknife on December 08, 2018, 06:32:00 AM
Thanks for the comments. My problem is trying to keep the blurb to 25 words while still getting the story across.
Title: Re: Would you buy this novel?
Post by: greyflower on January 26, 2019, 09:33:25 AM
A modern Cherokee warrior suffers deep wounds of war, a medicine woman’s love helps him heal, and the two uncover an international plot that caused the fiery death of his parents.


I like it, but think it could be short and "punchier." Suggestion:

The love story of a war-wounded Cherokee warrior and a medicine woman working together to uncover the plot that killed both their parents.
Title: Re: Would you buy this novel?
Post by: longknife on February 06, 2019, 01:41:11 PM
Thanks. It's his parents, not theirs. But, I'll definitely add it to my list of probables.