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Queries and Agents => Post your Elevator Pitch => Topic started by: MikeJackson on September 29, 2019, 08:26:14 AM

Title: The Path and the Way SFF
Post by: MikeJackson on September 29, 2019, 08:26:14 AM
Would love to hear opinions on my pitch below. Thanks in advance.

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A son lost to the Kin.
A spy hunted by a deadly assassin.
A rebel army led by a mysterious foreign Captain.
And a Pathwatcher intent on reuniting her family at all costs.

All connected by one man from another world.

Your world.
Title: Re: The Path and the Way SFF
Post by: mimimi on November 01, 2019, 12:53:38 PM
I really like the twist at the end!

I think it might be good if you found a way to be a bit more clear about who your characters are. 'Kin', 'Captain' and 'Pathwatcher' don't necessarily mean too much to readers and it could be easy for them to become uninterested before your twist. Is there a way to be more descriptive while still keeping concise? It could just be a matter of removing the capitalisation because it's a little confusing what it means.