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Queries and Agents => World's Worst Query Letters => Topic started by: BuryBadBooks on February 23, 2021, 05:49:40 PM

Title: Re: I've Sent You A Letter Yesterday and You Did Not Reply Yet? Hello?
Post by: BuryBadBooks on February 23, 2021, 05:49:40 PM
Dear First Agent At The Top Of The Agent Page Of Your Website,

I have no prior works published, no social media and none of my friends even know I write, but I would like you to take a chance on me and my 325,683 word fantasy. You know it's good cause I already have the second book written out of a series of six. You're losing money by NOT hiring me right. I said I got SIX books lined up. I'm hot to trot, man! You asked what age range would be best for this book and my answer will be anyone in the age range of 4-96, if they aren't stupid. If someone doesn't like my book, they either can't read or are stupid. Or both! Or dead. Win/win.

Thanks for your time. I will email you daily and ask if you read my first 34 chapters yet.
-Your next Stephen King, me.
Title: Re: I've Sent You A Letter Yesterday and You Did Not Reply Yet? Hello?
Post by: Viddiest on February 23, 2021, 06:05:48 PM
 :clap: :yes:
Title: Re: I've Sent You A Letter Yesterday and You Did Not Reply Yet? Hello?
Post by: NOT AGENT X on February 24, 2021, 03:27:33 PM
Dear Next Stephen King,

You had me at "hot to trot".  As you have done your research you know I am mostly interested in picture books. Your  325,683 word fantasy sounds right up my alley.  I'm all about win/win!  Social media is so five minutes ago, and forget about friends. Who needs friends! Don't let any of that worry you.

So, like yeah, send me your 34 chapters, Stephen. ASAP!

Thank you for your consideration,
Not Agent X
Title: Re: I've Sent You A Letter Yesterday and You Did Not Reply Yet? Hello?
Post by: BuryBadBooks on February 24, 2021, 08:59:32 PM
.......I laughed and then got sad. I WISH, RIGHT!?  :badday: