QueryTracker Community
Writing => Community Fiction => Topic started by: Patrick on September 15, 2007, 01:02:09 PM
-
Since our community fiction project has died, I thought we would try something else. I saw this being done on another site and I thought it looked fun. It's still community fiction, but you're only allowed to add 5 words each post.
How it works
Post only 5 words at a time
Your 5 words must continue the story
No fair double posting.
No conversations in the thread, just your 5 words (otherwise the story may get lost)
Pay attention to punctuation, if the last poster did not include a period, you must continue the sentence, etc.
I'll Start.
------------------------------------
The fire was finally starting
-
The fire was finally starting to die down, but we
Like this?
-
Yes, but don't include anything from the previous posts or else it will just get too long. So your reply should have been:
to die down, but we
-
continued to stick our smores
-
in the smoking ash pile.
(ps - could we consider copying the entire previous and pasting until it reaches paragraph length? with the personal info on the sidebar, each post is much bigger than one line, so it'll become difficult to read quickly.)
-
Bob looked up from his
-
nearby foxhole and called out,
NOTE: I have a suggestion that may open this up to a more cohesive narrative & flow. But I'll defer final judgment to the creator. The idea - let us fall somewhere in the 5-10 word range. It'll let us define a scenario more succinctly. With only 5 words, we may just be playing a game of posting prepositional phrases.
Two cents spent.
-
"Pete! Where are you, buddy?"
-
A tuft of Pete's hair
-
was still ablaze because of
-
his unnatural attraction to smores.
-
An onslaught of toxic fumes
-
mingled with the falling snowflakes
-
and turned the air pink.
-
The Snowman Contest was officially
-
begun. "Now where did I
-
put that lump of C4?"
-
Pete asked himself as he
(P.S.) Spilling onto page 2 is makin' this really difficult... or are we pretty much taking dead aim at The Theatre Of The Absurd?
-
picked marshmallow from his teeth.
-
Meanwhile, back in the foxhole,
-
Bob was packing his first
-
suitcase full of yellow snow?
-
Pete had told him that
-
it was full of nutrients
-
so he wanted to stockpile
-
in case he was ever
-
left stranded in the wilderness
-
alone. But as for now,
-
getting stranded was the least
-
of his worries, since the
-
grizzly bear was running straight
-
at his beloved girlfriend Agatha
-
Krispy. "Aggy! Look out!" he
-
cried. But alas, Aggy was
-
only a hallucination. The real
-
beloved in his life was
-
actually the grizzly bear, who
-
looked like his dear Aunt
-
Sarah, but only barely. He
-
hated the resemblence between Sarah
-
and the fanged beast, but
-
since she was prettier than
-
Aunt Sarah, he decided he
-
would light another short match.
-
On fire again, Pete's hair
-
lit a beacon, attracting a
-
rather large swarm of wallabies
-
which lunged at Drama Mama
-
and tore off her sequined
-
and smug smile before they
-
commenced to eating her insides.
-
TIME OUT FOR A 50 POST REFRESHER:
This is us, preparing a manuscript for PublishersAmerica:
The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile. Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete! Where are you, buddy?" A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores. An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink. The Snowman Contest was officially begun. "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth.
Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow. Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy. "Aggy! Look out!" he cried. But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely. He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match. On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.
We. Rock!
-
:rof3:
The next morning, drama mama
-
hauled what was left of
-
her badly mangled body to
-
apologize to dear Chelc for
-
just plain being a biotch.
-
Unimpressed and justifiably miffed, Chelc
-
pulled a sword from nowhere
-
and held it threateningly while
-
Drama Mama cowered and begged
-
for her miserable, putrid life!
-
But Chelc, being the lady
-
of spite, only smiled and
-
then spit into the drama
-
mama's cup of yellow snow!
-
"Let that be a lesson
-
to those who stand in
-
my path to greatness and
-
bring me Bob and Pete."
-
"It wasn't me," Pete said
-
with a derisive snort that
-
nearly started an avalanche on
-
cue. Everyone was relieved, but
-
they had no idea what
-
to do or say next!
-
And they were not alone.
-
Through the trees, wraithlike, winged
-
monkeys on a sugar high
-
came crashing into the clearing
-
with a bang. "Toto! Toto!"
-
shrieked the rabid howler monkeys,
(NOTE: Usually I prefer books, but I cannot WAIT for the movie version of this!)
-
and then threw red shoes
-
that hit Bob and Pete
-
knocking Bob to the ground,
-
and killing poor Pete. "Why
-
does this ALWAYS happen?" Bob
-
laughed. The reason was that
(I'm really confused as to what's happening btw)
-
a monkey had landed on
-
top of his yellow snowman.
(You're not the only one Chelc.)
-
The yellow snowman vaulted high
-
Aye-yi-yi!
We... just... S-U-C-K!!!
The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile. Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete! Where are you, buddy?" A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores. An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink. The Snowman Contest was officially begun. "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth.
Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow. Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy. "Aggy! Look out!" he cried. But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely. He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match. On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.
The next morning, drama mama hauled what was left of her badly mangled body to apologize to dear Chelc for just plain being a biotch. Unimpressed and justifiably miffed, pulled a sword from nowhere Chelc pulled a sword from nowhere and held it threateningly while Drama Mama cowered and begged for her miserable, putrid life! But Chelc, being the lady of spite, only smiled and then spit into the drama mama's cup of yellow snow!
"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete."
"It wasn't me," Pete said with a derisive snort that nearly started an avalanche on cue. Everyone was relieved, but they had no idea what to do or say next!
And they were not alone. Through the trees, wraithlike, winged monkeys on a sugar high came crashing into the clearing with a bang. "Toto! Toto!" shrieked the rabid howler monkeys, and then threw red shoes that hit Bob and Pete knocking Bob to the ground, and killing poor Pete.
"Why does this ALWAYS happen?" Bob laughed. The reason was that a monkey had landed on top of his yellow snowman. The yellow snowman vaulted high
into the chemical addled skies,
-
I take a couple of days off and this happens. I have been laughing my ass off! Yes, I said ASS! Good stuff guys!
propelled by his ammonia driven
-
flatulence. "Damn snowman-stealing monkeys,
(wasn't sure if I should count that as one word or two)
-
their ammonia addiction really must
-
be stopped, or we'll all
-
be asphyxiated by the fumes!"
-
Pete said, grabbing the flamethrower.
-
"Pete! I witnessed your death!!"
-
"The vampire monkeys revived me!"
-
"But that means, oh no."
-
"Yup, I'm a vampire monkey!"
-
Pete said, and lunged at
-
Bob with the ferocity of
-
the standard vampire monkey. "Wait!
-
Wouldn't you rather have yellow
-
snow?" Bob said, waving garlic
-
and onion omelets at him.
-
"With blood and ammonia?" Pete
-
said, talking the plate from
-
Chelc. "Not bad! I could
-
get used to this. But,
-
where does this blood come
-
from?" she asked, holding Drama
-
Mama's decapitated head by the
-
:rof2::rof3: :rof2: :rof3: :rof2: :rof3: :rof2: :rof3: :rof2:
-
blood-soaked blonde banana curl
-
behind her back. Bob winced
-
when he saw Chelc's diabolical
-
plan: blood of a bonde.
-
I meant blonde!!!!
-
Chelc sat the head atop
-
a makeshift mantle, then said
-
"Loth and Aud can attest
-
to my diabolical nature. You
-
may think you're something special,
-
but you'll never get ahead
-
(...what is going on? I can't even continue this...)
-
(I need a WIP break, so I'll take a bit of time to collect & organize posts. You may all continue with the madness.)
-
I think it's safe to say that even if you have been keeping up with this thread, it makes just about ZERO sense!
Anyway... here's where we're at. Nathan Bransford, if you're reading this, I apologize on behalf of the QT wildlife. We're all just killing time waiting for you to represent us!
The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile. Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete! Where are you, buddy?" A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores. An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink. The Snowman Contest was officially begun. "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth.
Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow. Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy. "Aggy! Look out!" he cried. But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely. He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match. On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.
The next morning, drama mama hauled what was left of her badly mangled body to apologize to dear Chelc for just plain being a biotch. Unimpressed and justifiably miffed, pulled a sword from nowhere Chelc pulled a sword from nowhere and held it threateningly while Drama Mama cowered and begged for her miserable, putrid life! But Chelc, being the lady of spite, only smiled and then spit into the drama mama's cup of yellow snow!
"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete."
"It wasn't me," Pete said with a derisive snort that nearly started an avalanche on cue. Everyone was relieved, but they had no idea what to do or say next!
And they were not alone. Through the trees, wraithlike, winged monkeys on a sugar high came crashing into the clearing with a bang. "Toto! Toto!" shrieked the rabid howler monkeys, and then threw red shoes that hit Bob and Pete knocking Bob to the ground, and killing poor Pete.
"Why does this ALWAYS happen?" Bob laughed. The reason was that a monkey had landed on top of his yellow snowman. The yellow snowman vaulted high into the chemical addled skies, propelled by his ammonia driven flatulence. "Damn snowman-stealing monkeys, their ammonia addiction really must be stopped, or we'll all be asphyxiated by the fumes!" Pete said, grabbing the flamethrower.
"Pete! I witnessed your death!!"
"The vampire monkeys revived me!"
"But that means, oh no."
"Yup, I'm a vampire monkey!" Pete said, and lunged at Bob with the ferocity of the standard vampire monkey.
"Wait! Wouldn't you rather have yellow snow?" Bob said, waving garlic and onion omelets at him.
"With blood and ammonia?" Pete said, talking the plate from Chelc.
"Not bad! I could get used to this. But, where does this blood come from?" she asked, holding Drama Mama's decapitated head by the blood-soaked blonde banana curl behind her back. Bob winced when he saw Chelc's diabolical plan: blood of a blonde. Chelc sat the head atop a makeshift mantle, then said "Loth and Aud can attest to my diabolical nature. You may think you're something special, but you'll never get ahead
-
"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete."
....what?! that last bit makes no sense :rof3:
-
(Then it's up to you to make it make sense. Or you can just ignore it and start us off on another tangent.)
-
okay then...where were we? "but you'll never get ahead"
as long as you are behind.
-
"
Chelc then climbed aboard her
-
turbo-charged vacuum cleaner and
-
chanted the magical words: Ye
-
Woot. Ye Woot. Ye Woot.
-
"
The vacuum revved and flew
-
over Bob, who dove for
-
cover behind a yellow snowman.
-
"I'm leaving this snowman infested
-
wilderness and going to Vegas!"
-
The cord of Chelc's vacuum
-
was thankfully 3,000 miles long
-
and so she could fly
-
, with Bob on the back,
-
all the way to Vegas.
-
As they came in for
-
for a hoover-icious landing,
-
Bob began to teeter precariously.
-
Unsympathetic, Chelc shoved poor Bob
-
over the side to dangle
-
in terror as she finally
-
cut the cord and set
-
for landing on a roof. (?)
-
*GONG!!!*
-
The clock struck one. Perfect.
-
She was just in time
-
to witness the destruction of
-
Bob and Pete's House of
-
solid hershey's dark chocolate build.
-
Chelc ran over and began
-
to plunge her teeth into
-
Bob's leg. "Hey!" he shouted,
-
"I'm not a chocolate house!"
-
"Cannibalism! You'll get used to
-
it," Chelc said, "or you'll
-
die from it." "I see."
-
Bob reached over and grabbed
-
a gold-plated carving knife
-
from the vacuum belt, hidden
-
beneath the chocolate rubble. He
-
wondered about the winged monkeys.
-
But with Chelc ready to
-
and the knife in hand,
-
he knew he was overmatched.
-
"Just eat the chocolate!" he
-
demanded, "and not the leg!"
-
"Hmmm, chocolate covered leg." Chelc
-
garbled through streams of drool
-
"But I will be merciful!"
-
"Later! That vampire monkey has
-
been eyeing my Bob for
-
twenty moons, and now I
-
want retribution. Bob, hide yourself!"
-
Bob hid underneath the green
-
cupcake factory sign and wept.
-
He then pulled a tissue
-
and a hunk of chocolate
-
out of his greasy little
-
assortment of purses. Chelc faced
-
the cupcake factory sign and
-
pulled out the rocket launcher
-
she'd stashed in her backpack.
-
Calmly, and with great precision
-
, she aimed at the approaching
-
ice cream truck.
"I hate
-
butter brickle, you selfish bastard
-
!"
Chelc then pulled the trigger,
-
launching the rocket propelled incendiary
-
anti-lactose missile straight up
-
the ice cream truck's wazoo.
-
Shockingly, Bob refused to die!
-
(what have you guys done to me?! :rof2: :rof2: :rof2: :rof2:)
He got up and said,
-
"I refuse to die, so
-
you can stick your launcher
-
where the sun don't..." Suddenly,
-
the sound of wicked laughter
-
came blasting from the truck's
-
super secret compartment, secretly located
-
in the fudge-bar freezer.
-
Chelc approached slowly and reached
-
inside the freezer. "I wonder
-
why a bengal tiger is chewing on my ankle."
(I cheated. :wag:)
-
(sheesh. give the girl one award and she thinks she owns the place!)
(OK, then...)
Because Chelc used nine words,
-
the five word police came
-
:rof2:
immediately. "Young Chelc," said Officer
-
Turkwingle, "I have a warrant
-
for your arrest. Stealing words
-
is a felony around here."
-
Embarrassed, Chelc took the four
-
stolen words from her pocket
-
and said, "These words are
-
the cause of my humiliation.
-
Sometimes when counting to five,
-
my chemistry overloaded brain gets
-
(This gets more and more painful every time I do this... And by 'painful' I of course mean TOTALLY FLIPPIN' EXCITING! How will it end? WHEN will it end? To be continued, but for now... This is our masterpiece)
The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile. Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete! Where are you, buddy?" A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores. An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink. The Snowman Contest was officially begun. "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth.
Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow. Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy. "Aggy! Look out!" he cried. But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely. He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match. On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.
The next morning, drama mama hauled what was left of her badly mangled body to apologize to dear Chelc for just plain being a biotch. Unimpressed and justifiably miffed, pulled a sword from nowhere Chelc pulled a sword from nowhere and held it threateningly while Drama Mama cowered and begged for her miserable, putrid life! But Chelc, being the lady of spite, only smiled and then spit into the drama mama's cup of yellow snow!
"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete."
"It wasn't me," Pete said with a derisive snort that nearly started an avalanche on cue. Everyone was relieved, but they had no idea what to do or say next!
And they were not alone. Through the trees, wraithlike, winged monkeys on a sugar high came crashing into the clearing with a bang. "Toto! Toto!" shrieked the rabid howler monkeys, and then threw red shoes that hit Bob and Pete knocking Bob to the ground, and killing poor Pete.
"Why does this ALWAYS happen?" Bob laughed. The reason was that a monkey had landed on top of his yellow snowman. The yellow snowman vaulted high into the chemical addled skies, propelled by his ammonia driven flatulence. "Damn snowman-stealing monkeys, their ammonia addiction really must be stopped, or we'll all be asphyxiated by the fumes!" Pete said, grabbing the flamethrower.
"Pete! I witnessed your death!!"
"The vampire monkeys revived me!"
"But that means, oh no."
"Yup, I'm a vampire monkey!" Pete said, and lunged at Bob with the ferocity of the standard vampire monkey.
"Wait! Wouldn't you rather have yellow snow?" Bob said, waving garlic and onion omelets at him.
"With blood and ammonia?" Pete said, talking the plate from Chelc.
"Not bad! I could get used to this. But, where does this blood come from?" she asked, holding Drama Mama's decapitated head by the blood-soaked blonde banana curl behind her back. Bob winced when he saw Chelc's diabolical plan: blood of a blonde. Chelc sat the head atop a makeshift mantle, then said "Loth and Aud can attest to my diabolical nature. You may think you're something special, but you'll never get ahead as long as you are behind."
Chelc then climbed aboard her turbo-charged vacuum cleaner and chanted the magical words: "Ye Woot. Ye Woot. Ye Woot."
The vacuum revved and flew over Bob, who dove for cover behind a yellow snowman. "I'm leaving this snowman infested wilderness and going to Vegas!" The cord of Chelc's vacuum was thankfully 3,000 miles long and so she could fly, with Bob on the back, all the way to Vegas. As they came in for for a hoover-icious landing, Bob began to teeter precariously. Unsympathetic, Chelc shoved poor Bob over the side to dangle in terror as she finally cut the cord and set for landing on a roof.
The clock struck one. Perfect. She was just in time to witness the destruction of Bob and Pete's House of solid hershey's dark chocolate build. Chelc ran over and began to plunge her teeth into Bob's leg.
"Hey!" he shouted, "I'm not a chocolate house!"
"Cannibalism! You'll get used to it," Chelc said, "or you'll die from it."
"I see." Bob reached over and grabbed a gold-plated carving knife from the vacuum belt, hidden beneath the chocolate rubble. He wondered about the winged monkeys. But with Chelc ready to and the knife in hand, he knew he was overmatched. "Just eat the chocolate!" he demanded, "and not the leg!"
"Hmmm, chocolate covered leg." Chelc garbled through streams of drool "But I will be merciful!" "Later! That vampire monkey has been eyeing my Bob for twenty moons, and now I want retribution. Bob, hide yourself!"
Bob hid underneath the green cupcake factory sign and wept. He then pulled a tissue and a hunk of chocolate out of his greasy little assortment of purses. Chelc faced the cupcake factory sign and pulled out the rocket launcher she'd stashed in her backpack. Calmly, and with great precision, she aimed at the approaching ice cream truck.
"I hate butter brickle, you selfish bastard!" Chelc then pulled the trigger, launching the rocket propelled incendiary anti-lactose missile straight up the ice cream truck's wazoo.
Shockingly, Bob refused to die! He got up and said, "I refuse to die, so you can stick your launcher where the sun don't..."
Suddenly, the sound of wicked laughter came blasting from the truck's super secret compartment, secretly located in the fudge-bar freezer. Chelc approached slowly and reached inside the freezer. "I wonder why a bengal tiger is chewing on my ankle."
Because Chelc used nine words, the five word police came immediately. "Young Chelc," said Officer Turkwingle, "I have a warrant for your arrest. Stealing words is a felony around here."
Embarrassed, Chelc took the four stolen words from her pocket and said, "These words are the cause of my humiliation. Sometimes when counting to five, my chemistry overloaded brain gets
-
I chuckle with delight every time I open this thread. This is the most fun I've had on a writing site yet! To continue...
drenched in hormones and I
-
want to impress Johnny Depp!
-
And he's impressed by lots
-
of words from Wisconsin girls.
-
He even sent me flowers
-
recently - came to my house
-
dressed as a wacky pirate.
-
He handed me the bouquet
-
and I'm ashamed to admit
-
that I sneezed, then fainted
-
right into his waiting arms.
(Hey, how'd we get in the first person?)
-
(we're in first person b/c it looks like we've given actress Chelc her very own soliloquy!)
And oh, what bliss it
-
was to look into those
-
smoldering eyes!" Chelc almost fainted
-
but instead took out a
-
permit, enabling her to use
-
extra words provided she had
-
a really really good reason.
-
Exasperated, the officer said "Fine,
-
since you have a really
-
really, really, really, really, really :wag:
-
:rof2: :rolf: :rof3: :rof2: :rof3: :rolf: :rof2: (cut it out! I can't breathe!)
-
good reason, and since Johnny
-
is wrapped around your little
-
baby toe, I suppose I
-
could make an exception, but
-
don't let it happen again.
-
"
"I understand," said Chelc, "but
-
do you mind if I
-
dance the mamba on your
-
police car? I just gotta
-
show Johnny my mad skills
-
and hope that he doesn't
-
pass out from my awesomeness.
-
Most boys do," she sighed.
-
"It's pretty tough on a
-
wonderful awesome chick such as
-
me, me, me, me, ME!"
-
She whipped out her launcher
-
and her rocket shooter, too.
-
Johnny looked on, impressed by
-
Chelc's mad skills. "What a
-
gem, this Chelc!" he said.
-
"Alright miss, carry on with
-
whatever the heck it is
-
that you are doing with
-
that rocket launcher thing and
-
just make sure from now
-
on, NO... MORE... STEALING... WORDS!!!"
-
Chelc pouted and stuffed the
-
rocket launcher and leg of
-
chocolate into Johnny Depp's pocket.
-
He did not smile. Instead
-
he looked at her like
-
a starving man, and she
-
leapt into his waiting arms
-
like the stalker she is.
-
Meanwhile, Vampire Pete and Bob
-
, having no new plot ideas,
-
left the scene for good.
-
Well, that wasn't cool. We went from vampire monkeys and yellow snowmen to Johnny Depp, and when I try to bring the original MC's back into play, you do that!
The wallabies were attacking again!
-
(It's called a plot twist! No one expects (a.) the MC's to perish, and (b.) a Spanish Inquisition)
Chelc swiped Jonny's pirate sword > :ride:
-
Our weapon is suprise. That's all. Just surprise.
What about fear?
Shut up!
brought out the comfy chair
-
and made some wallabie puree
-
, lightly sauteed in garlic butter.
-
Then the grizzly bear came!
-
With him, Bob and Pete!
(see Loth - surprises!)
-
They gathererd around the campfire
-
and the bear quickly devoured
-
both of them. Deeply disturbed,
-
the grizzly took some antiacid
-
lookalike tablets. But they weren't
-
really antiacid. They were really
-
nickels. This annoyed the bear.
-
and also killed him. So
-
now Chelc was left alone
-
with Johnny... so she thought!
-
And then came the monkeys.
-
The cheeky, sneaky monkeys, who
-
picked up Johnny by the
-
scabbard and hauled him off
-
, leaving Chelc all alone and
(Sorry Chelc, he was way too old for you anyway)
-
, being the only character left,
-
demanded a rewrite from the
-
entire Query Tracker writing team.
-
(So, back to the beginning)
The fire was finally starting
-
to tear through the bookstore
-
, just the way Chelc had
-
planned it. Losing Johnny Depp
-
had driven her completely mad
-
, which wasn't a lengthy trip.
-
:help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help:
The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile. Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete! Where are you, buddy?" A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores. An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink. The Snowman Contest was officially begun. "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth.
Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow. Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy. "Aggy! Look out!" he cried. But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely. He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match. On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.
The next morning, drama mama hauled what was left of her badly mangled body to apologize to dear Chelc for just plain being a biotch. Unimpressed and justifiably miffed, pulled a sword from nowhere Chelc pulled a sword from nowhere and held it threateningly while Drama Mama cowered and begged for her miserable, putrid life! But Chelc, being the lady of spite, only smiled and then spit into the drama mama's cup of yellow snow!
"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete."
"It wasn't me," Pete said with a derisive snort that nearly started an avalanche on cue. Everyone was relieved, but they had no idea what to do or say next!
And they were not alone. Through the trees, wraithlike, winged monkeys on a sugar high came crashing into the clearing with a bang. "Toto! Toto!" shrieked the rabid howler monkeys, and then threw red shoes that hit Bob and Pete knocking Bob to the ground, and killing poor Pete.
"Why does this ALWAYS happen?" Bob laughed. The reason was that a monkey had landed on top of his yellow snowman. The yellow snowman vaulted high into the chemical addled skies, propelled by his ammonia driven flatulence. "Damn snowman-stealing monkeys, their ammonia addiction really must be stopped, or we'll all be asphyxiated by the fumes!" Pete said, grabbing the flamethrower.
"Pete! I witnessed your death!!"
"The vampire monkeys revived me!"
"But that means, oh no."
"Yup, I'm a vampire monkey!" Pete said, and lunged at Bob with the ferocity of the standard vampire monkey.
"Wait! Wouldn't you rather have yellow snow?" Bob said, waving garlic and onion omelets at him.
"With blood and ammonia?" Pete said, talking the plate from Chelc.
"Not bad! I could get used to this. But, where does this blood come from?" she asked, holding Drama Mama's decapitated head by the blood-soaked blonde banana curl behind her back. Bob winced when he saw Chelc's diabolical plan: blood of a blonde. Chelc sat the head atop a makeshift mantle, then said "Loth and Aud can attest to my diabolical nature. You may think you're something special, but you'll never get ahead as long as you are behind."
Chelc then climbed aboard her turbo-charged vacuum cleaner and chanted the magical words: "Ye Woot. Ye Woot. Ye Woot."
The vacuum revved and flew over Bob, who dove for cover behind a yellow snowman. "I'm leaving this snowman infested wilderness and going to Vegas!" The cord of Chelc's vacuum was thankfully 3,000 miles long and so she could fly, with Bob on the back, all the way to Vegas. As they came in for for a hoover-icious landing, Bob began to teeter precariously. Unsympathetic, Chelc shoved poor Bob over the side to dangle in terror as she finally cut the cord and set for landing on a roof.
The clock struck one. Perfect. She was just in time to witness the destruction of Bob and Pete's House of solid hershey's dark chocolate build. Chelc ran over and began to plunge her teeth into Bob's leg.
"Hey!" he shouted, "I'm not a chocolate house!"
"Cannibalism! You'll get used to it," Chelc said, "or you'll die from it."
"I see." Bob reached over and grabbed a gold-plated carving knife from the vacuum belt, hidden beneath the chocolate rubble. He wondered about the winged monkeys. But with Chelc ready to and the knife in hand, he knew he was overmatched. "Just eat the chocolate!" he demanded, "and not the leg!"
"Hmmm, chocolate covered leg." Chelc garbled through streams of drool "But I will be merciful!" "Later! That vampire monkey has been eyeing my Bob for twenty moons, and now I want retribution. Bob, hide yourself!"
Bob hid underneath the green cupcake factory sign and wept. He then pulled a tissue and a hunk of chocolate out of his greasy little assortment of purses. Chelc faced the cupcake factory sign and pulled out the rocket launcher she'd stashed in her backpack. Calmly, and with great precision, she aimed at the approaching ice cream truck.
"I hate butter brickle, you selfish bastard!" Chelc then pulled the trigger, launching the rocket propelled incendiary anti-lactose missile straight up the ice cream truck's wazoo.
Shockingly, Bob refused to die! He got up and said, "I refuse to die, so you can stick your launcher where the sun don't..."
Suddenly, the sound of wicked laughter came blasting from the truck's super secret compartment, secretly located in the fudge-bar freezer. Chelc approached slowly and reached inside the freezer. "I wonder why a bengal tiger is chewing on my ankle."
Because Chelc used nine words, the five word police came immediately. "Young Chelc," said Officer Turkwingle, "I have a warrant for your arrest. Stealing words is a felony around here."
Embarrassed, Chelc took the four stolen words from her pocket and said, "These words are the cause of my humiliation. Sometimes when counting to five, my chemistry overloaded brain gets drenched in hormones and I want to impress Johnny Depp! And he's impressed by lots of words from Wisconsin girls. He even sent me flowers recently - came to my house dressed as a wacky pirate. He handed me the bouquet and I'm ashamed to admit that I sneezed, then fainted right into his waiting arms. And oh, what bliss it was to look into those smoldering eyes!"
Chelc almost fainted but instead took out a permit, enabling her to use extra words provided she had a really really good reason. Exasperated, the officer said "Fine, since you have a really really, really, really, really, really good reason, and since Johnny is wrapped around your little baby toe, I suppose I could make an exception, but don't let it happen again."
"I understand," said Chelc, "but do you mind if I dance the mamba on your police car? I just gotta show Johnny my mad skills and hope that he doesn't pass out from my awesomeness. Most boys do," she sighed. "It's pretty tough on a wonderful awesome chick such as me, me, me, me, ME!"
She whipped out her launcher and her rocket shooter, too. Johnny looked on, impressed by Chelc's mad skills. "What a gem, this Chelc!" he said.
"Alright miss, carry on with whatever the heck it is that you are doing with that rocket launcher thing and just make sure from now on, NO... MORE... STEALING... WORDS!!!"
Chelc pouted and stuffed the rocket launcher and leg of chocolate into Johnny Depp's pocket. He did not smile. Instead he looked at her like a starving man, and she leapt into his waiting arms like the stalker she is.
Meanwhile, Vampire Pete and Bob, having no new plot ideas, left the scene for good.
The wallabies were attacking again! Chelc swiped Johnny's pirate sword brought out the comfy chair and made some wallabie puree, lightly sauteed in garlic butter.
Then the grizzly bear came!
With him, Bob and Pete!
They gathered around the campfire and the bear quickly devoured both of them. Deeply disturbed, the grizzly took some antiacid lookalike tablets. But they weren't really antiacid. They were really nickels. This annoyed the bear and also killed him. So now Chelc was left alone with Johnny... so she thought!
And then came the monkeys. The cheeky, sneaky monkeys, who picked up Johnny by the scabbard and hauled him off, leaving Chelc all alone and, being the only character left, demanded a rewrite from the entire Query Tracker writing team.
(So, back to the beginning)
The fire was finally starting to tear through the bookstore, just the way Chelc had planned it. Losing Johnny Depp had driven her completely mad, which wasn't a lengthy trip.
-
Suddenly, a book from the
-
?!!?!?!?!??!
:rolf:
:clap:
-
the flaming bestseller section spoke!
-
(Aud, I think you can leave out the first version from your recaps now)
"I always hated Fahrenheit 451
-
(Pat - it's actually an easier process than you might think - though it does take a lotta space.)
OK, folks - I have a proposal. Since this could go on & on, what say we set up a finish line? Any takers and suggestions as far as a date?
I will now continue with my next 5 words:
," said To Kill A Mockingbird.
-
"I heard that!" responded Fahrenheit
(Sure, we can set a closing date. Could we also set some kind of closing situation, which we have to steer the story towards? Just to give it direction and make it a little more of a challenge.)
-
(What happened? Doesn't anyone want to play anymore :'()
-
I don't know what a book would say. ??? Let's start over.
A shadow slipped between the
-
darkened buildings, stealthily creeping around
-
(OK, no more talking books [maybe])
an abandoned car and a
-
drunk passed out in the
-
bright glare of the street
-
lights. When he reached the
-
deserted fun park, he began
-
he began to play hockey
-
(who are we talking about here?)
with several other shadowy figures
-
(I don't think we know who we're talking about. Feel free to clarify it for us)
wearing hockey masks and carrying
-
butcher knives. "This game's dangerous,
-
but crafty monkeys like us
-
(DAMN IT!!! Monkeys...)
have four thumbs, so we
-
can barely hold these knives."
-
Damn, I got nothing to
-
:koolaid: drink my kool-aid in or
-
any cyanide to add flavor.
-
Monkeys will always go to
-
(I have COMPLTELY lost track of this off-track story)
great lengths when faced with
-
treacherous missions that require them
-
to be schnockered on Kool-Aid!
-
The kool-aid tote'n monkeys jumped
-
when they heard the shot
-
that was intended to scatter
-
them forever from this story.
-
Skittering from the hockey rink
-
and refusing to spill their
-
Kool-Aid as they left.
(I'm counting kool-aid as two words)
-
The evil monkeys eat their
-
hearts out because they are
-
charter members of an exclusive
-
topless simian night club, where
-
innocence goes to shamelessly die.
-
But, that is another story.
-
Unfortunately, here's not the place
-
Meanwhile, back to our hero
-
who was still wandering aimlessly
-
looking for his car keys
-
on the outskirts of Vegas.
-
In the distance, he could
-
see a flock of mutated
-
Kool Aid packages that had
-
been thrown a muck along
-
time ago, and now were
-
making their way into the
-
(NOTE: Patrick & I have traded PMs over the potential end of this particular 5-word thread, as it seems to be losing some steam -- not to mention direction. Then again, what direction did it ever have? However, since the thread itself was highly popular at the outset, we're thinking that for our next adventure we'll be given a little extra creative freedom. It'll be a community effort in which we authors will be given an entire sentence instead of a simple 5-word fragment. This will hopefully promote a more cohesive brand of insanity. Anyone have any thoughts on this? OK, that said, I will continue with this particular thread with the hopes of wrapping it up at a time TBA, but not far down the road... ~Aud)
dark depths of unread novels.
-
(An entire sentence. Just think of the trouble you could cause.)
Bob spotted his keys under
-
(Trouble is my middle name. My last name is McWriter. My monograms all read ATM.)
Emily Bronte (that harlot!), and
-
politely asked her to move.
-
Emily refused, and sister Charlotte
-
(woah, Aud, put in a recap of what's been going on here please!)
-
cough ah-CHOO sniff drip sniff
(What's that Chelc? I can't hear you because my ears are all clogged up!
What??
I said I can't hear you because my ears are all clogged up!)
-
(aww you're really that sick? well, I've been sick for the past two weeks--I stayed home thursday, and I'm better now, but looks like I've passed the bug on to you through the cyber world! haha!)
-
(the five word thread has been abandoned!! :'()
-
pulled out her rocket launcher
-
and aimed at the monkeys.
-
Meanwhile, in the other room
-
( I forget who the main charter is but )
a man named Joe came
-
and burnt all the toast.
-
"Jeez, Louise," Charlotte said, "You
-
got any butter? I'm cooking
-
up a storm. Want some?"
-
Joe replied, "No thanks, I
-
had some liver earlier." Unnerved,
-
Charlotte fingered the scar on
-
her right forearm, terrified of
-
Joe and the monkey behind
-
his screaming insanity and terror.
-
Joe then suddenly turned on
-
a light so they could
-
attract a plethera of fireflies
-
, and capturing them in jars,
-
they hurried back into the
-
library to look up plethera.
-
On the dusty shelves they
-
were stunned when they found
-
an open koolaid package. What
-
( :up: Oooh, Abi2k gets karma for jumping on the koolaid wagon. Or is that falling OFF the wagon?)
mysterious stranger could have left
-
pink fingerprints? Oh Yeah! Go
-
to the section on fiction
-
and look for the old
-
scriptures on how to kill
-
the goat for sacrifice to
-
ease the pain from kool-aid
-
addiction. Joe considered telling Charlotte
-
the baby couldn't possibly be
-
started chewing on Charlotte's sandwich.
-
which unkown to him contained
-
a mixture of three different
-
aphrodisiac herbs from Joanjunkmail's garden.
-
"Well, I never!" said JJM
-
when audal showed up at
-
the Pulitzer winner's award banquet.
-
Sadly, he was only dreaming.
-
The periodic table of elements
-
started taking over audal's dream,
-
and he drowned in beryllium.
-
He had drowned twice before
-
and he drowned in beryllium.
(that made me laugh)
-
, only painful chemistry could kill.
-
But a diamond is forever
-
, unlike NaCl, which Chelc learned
-
in chemistry is table salt.
-
"Gasp!" Chelc said, realizing she
-
acually learned something in chemistry
-
and remembers it as well!
-
Chelc sighed as she realized
-
she was talking to herself
-
five words at a time.
-
"guess I'll go do something"
-
she thought aloud, but then
-
she realized (i seem to do a lot of realizing don't i?--this doesn't count in the 5 words!!) that now that
-
chem was over, she had
-
nothing to do! so she
-
went to play online chess...
-
...losing. again. on level "easy".
-
so she called the hot guy
-
who had slipped his card
-
in her advanced chemistry book
-
two days later because Patrick
-
lost his pants once again.
-
Will he ever learn! It's
-
become a habitual occurrence that
-
makes it hard to love
-
Snot hard atoll to dance
-
, but Patrick wanted love. Nevertheless,
-
He was already married to
-
his work, so how could
-
he sashay his way into
-
her unsuspecting heart once again?
(Okay, it took everything in me to keep his sashay G-rated, elkutswife. Losing his pants didn't help!)
-
:rolf:
(ahem....)
Living up to his pantless
;D
-
and witless reputation. But he
-
pressed on, certain of his
-
success. As a brilliant and
-
extraordinary pace of machinery. Opperating
-
cancelled due the weatherman's forcast.
-
"What now," he wondered as
-
the roof caved in becasue
-
of the torrential flood waters
-
that nearly washed away his
-
beloved computer and wife. But
-
at the very last moment
-
he grabbed the monitor cord
-
unfortunately, the action was too
-
little too late. The loud
-
crash of the tower falling
-
made him forget the water
(lantern, at the beginning of this thread there is a rule about double posting.)
-
was right under his feet
-
and he lost his belongings
-
to the flood of the
-
water carrying his pants back
-
to him. Where he found
-
three shiny gold bars. Amazed
-
Because people wanted an update so very long ago… :eek:
(So, back to the beginning)
The fire was finally starting to tear through the bookstore, just the way Chelc had planned it. Losing Johnny Depp had driven her completely mad, which wasn't a lengthy trip. Suddenly, a book from the the flaming bestseller section spoke!
"I always hated Fahrenheit 451," said To Kill A Mockingbird.
"I heard that!" responded Fahrenheit…
[Starting over… Again…]
A shadow slipped between the darkened buildings, stealthily creeping around an abandoned car and a drunk passed out in the bright glare of the street lights. When he reached the deserted fun park, he began he began to play hockey with several other shadowy figures wearing hockey masks and carrying butcher knives. "This game's dangerous, but crafty monkeys like us have four thumbs, so we can barely hold these knives."
Damn, I got nothing to drink my Kool-Aid in or any cyanide to add flavor. Monkeys will always go to great lengths when faced with treacherous missions that require them to be schnockered on Kool-Aid! The Kool-Aid tote'n monkeys jumped when they heard the shot that was intended to scatter them forever from this story.
Skittering from the hockey rink and refusing to spill their Kool-Aid as they left. The evil monkeys eat their hearts out because they are charter members of an exclusive topless simian night club, where innocence goes to shamelessly die. But, that is another story. Unfortunately, here's not the place.
Meanwhile, back to our hero who was still wandering aimlessly looking for his car keys on the outskirts of Vegas. In the distance, he could see a flock of mutated Kool-Aid packages that had been thrown a muck along time ago, and now were making their way into the dark depths of unread novels. Bob spotted his keys under Emily Bronte (that harlot!), and politely asked her to move.
Emily refused, and sister Charlotte pulled out her rocket launcher and aimed at the monkeys. Meanwhile, in the other room a man named Joe came and burnt all the toast. "Jeez, Louise," Charlotte said, "You got any butter? I'm cooking up a storm. Want some?"
Joe replied, "No thanks, I had some liver earlier."
Unnerved, Charlotte fingered the scar on her right forearm, terrified of Joe and the monkey behind his screaming insanity and terror. Joe then suddenly turned on a light so they could attract a plethora of fireflies, and capturing them in jars, they hurried back into the library to look up plethora.
On the dusty shelves they were stunned when they found an open Kool-Aid package. What mysterious stranger could have left pink fingerprints? Oh Yeah! Go to the section on fiction and look for the old scriptures on how to kill the goat for sacrifice to ease the pain from Kool-Aid addiction. Joe considered telling Charlotte the baby couldn't possibly be started chewing on Charlotte's sandwich, which unknown to him contained a mixture of three different aphrodisiac herbs from Joanjunkmail's garden.
"Well, I never!" said JJM when Audal showed up at the Pulitzer winner's award banquet. Sadly, he was only dreaming.
The periodic table of elements started taking over Audal's dream, and he drowned in beryllium. He had drowned twice before, only painful chemistry could kill. But a diamond is forever, unlike NaCl, which Chelc learned in chemistry is table salt.
"Gasp!" Chelc said, realizing she actually learned something in chemistry and remembers it as well! Chelc sighed as she realized she was talking to herself five words at a time. "Guess I'll go do something," she thought aloud, but then she realized that now that chem. was over, she had nothing to do! So she went to play online chess… Losing. Again. On level "easy".
So she called the hot guy who had slipped his card in her advanced chemistry book two days later because Patrick lost his pants once again. Will he ever learn! It's become a habitual occurrence that makes it hard to love. ‘Snot hard atoll to dance, but Patrick wanted love. Nevertheless, he was already married to his work, so how could he sashay his way into her unsuspecting heart once again?
Living up to his pantless and witless reputation. But he pressed on, certain of his success. As a brilliant and extraordinary piece of machinery. Operating canceled due the weatherman's forecast.
"What now," he wondered as the roof caved in because of the torrential flood waters that nearly washed away his beloved computer and wife. But at the very last moment he grabbed the monitor cord unfortunately, the action was too little too late. The loud crash of the tower falling made him forget the water was right under his feet and he lost his belongings to the flood of the water carrying his pants back to him. Where he found three shiny gold bars. Amazed…
-
he decided to forget about
-
the water. Gold was all
-
he saw. It sparkled magically,
-
and he knew he was
-
really a beautiful, fairy princess.
(heh heh heh... :naughty:)
-
So s/he fluttered gracefully away
-
, away from his worries and
-
cares, off into the land
-
of perpetual tickling, where they
-
tickle you day and night,
-
night and day! Even during
-
nap-time!!! And they don't stop,
-
even if you say 'pretty
-
please'! So s/he left for
-
Berlin, the French Peas' warning
(VeggieTales reference done.)
-
fresh in his/her mind. Germany
-
was a wonderful country, home
-
of the sauerkraut and potato
-
pancakes. But waffles, sadly, weren't
-
on the menu. So s/he
-
fluttered to England, en route
-
to Neverland, the land of
-
carefree, flying children. They greeted
-
Patric[k/a] with glee and gave
(Patric[k/a] = Patrick/Patricia, to keep up with his/her fairy princess-ness)
-
him/her many reasons to go.
-
But s/he decided to stay
-
anyway, because Peter is awesome.
-
And Pan's peanut butter is
-
not made anymore. Only the
-
residents of Neverland can enjoy
-
that smooth, creamy, delicious taste
-
of Peter Pan's peanut butter.
-
And for people who don't want to scroll through the pages, there is an update earlier, of the stuff before this, and that's on page 32.
The loud crash of the tower falling made him forget the water was right under his feet and he lost his belongings to the flood of the water carrying his pants back to him. Where he found three shiny gold bars. Amazed he decided to forget about the water. Gold was all he saw. It sparkled magically, and he knew he was really a beautiful, fairy princess.
So s/he fluttered gracefully away, away from his worries and cares, off into the land of perpetual tickling, where they tickle you day and night, night and day! Even during nap-time!!! And they don't stop, even if you say 'pretty please'! So s/he left for Berlin, the French Peas' warning fresh in his/her mind. Germany was a wonderful country, home of the sauerkraut and potato pancakes. But waffles, sadly, weren't on the menu.
So s/he fluttered to England, en route to Neverland, the land of carefree, flying children. They greeted Patric[k/a] with glee and gave him/her many reasons to go. But s/he decided to stay anyway, because Peter is awesome. And Pan's peanut butter is not made anymore. Only the residents of Neverland can enjoy that smooth, creamy, delicious taste of Peter Pan's peanut butter.
-
So with a plate of
-
bread in one hand and
-
a jar of peanut butter
-
in the other, he screamed
-
, "Give me a butter knife
-
or you won't get any
-
more fairy dust!" And with
-
that he disappeared. A cloud
-
of pixi stix and lollipops
-
in his/her wake. Then s/he
-
looked up at the sky
-
and said "where am I?"
-
An eerie voice replied, "You
-
have entered the Twilight Zone."
-
Patric[k/a] screamed. He didn't know
-
that the Twilight Zone was
-
real. He only believed in
-
fairies, carefree flying children, and
-
The Outer Limits. Everyone knows
-
that They are in control.
-
Or so they think. Alas,
-
Patrick's now black and white.
-
He's stuck in a bad
-
spot of pudding with no
-
trace of pink snow to
-
brighten the giant gray doll-house.
-
The Twilight Zone was completely
-
consuming everything he/she believed, and
-
Patric[k/a] decided it was time
-
to hightail it on out
-
to someplace more colorful, like
-
the other side of the
-
fence that bordered the West
-
where a brilliant display of
-
rainbows and lemon drops highlighted
-
colors so bizarre as to
-
dazzle and entrance the imagination.
-
It was the Candy Land
-
Metropolis, which until now had
-
closed for resugaring. But now
-
it had opened again, and
-
s/he fluttered gracefully into the
-
field of green gummy grass.
-
Grasping a heaping handful of
-
red jellybeans, which were his
-
favorite kind, he alighted upon
-
a magic mushroom and sat
-
down to enjoy his/her cherry
-
beans of dazzling, delicious delight.
-
Update on the "Amazing and Eclectic Adventures of Patric[k/a] the Beautiful Fairy Princess" ;D
(We should totally have a fairy emoticon for this!)
Where he found three shiny gold bars. Amazed he decided to forget about the water. Gold was all he saw. It sparkled magically, and he knew he was really a beautiful, fairy princess.
So s/he fluttered gracefully away, away from his worries and cares, off into the land of perpetual tickling, where they tickle you day and night, night and day! Even during nap-time!!! And they don't stop, even if you say 'pretty please'! So s/he left for Berlin, the French Peas' warning fresh in his/her mind. Germany was a wonderful country, home of the sauerkraut and potato pancakes. But waffles, sadly, weren't on the menu.
So s/he fluttered to England, en route to Neverland, the land of carefree, flying children. They greeted Patric[k/a] with glee and gave him/her many reasons to go. But s/he decided to stay anyway, because Peter is awesome. And Pan's peanut butter is not made anymore. Only the residents of Neverland can enjoy that smooth, creamy, delicious taste of Peter Pan's peanut butter.
So with a plate of bread in one hand and a jar of peanut butter in the other, he screamed, "Give me a butter knife more fairy dust!" And with that he disappeared. A cloud of pixi stix and lollipops in his/her wake. Then s/he looked up at the sky and said, "Where am I?"
An eerie voice replied, "You have entered the Twilight Zone." Patric[k/a] screamed. He didn't know that the Twilight Zone was real. He only believed in fairies, carefree flying children, and The Outer Limits. Everyone knows that They are in control. Or so they think. Alas, Patric[k/a]'s now black and white. S/He's stuck in a bad spot of pudding with no trace of pink snow to brighten the giant gray doll-house.
The Twilight Zone was completely consuming everything s/he believed, and Patric[k/a] decided it was time to hightail it on out to someplace more colorful, like the other side of the fence that bordered the West, where a brilliant display of rainbows and lemon drops highlighted colors so bizarre as to dazzle and entrance the imagination. It was the Candy Land Metropolis, which until now had been closed for resugaring. But now it had opened again, and s/he fluttered gracefully into the field of green gummy grass.
Grasping a heaping handful of red jellybeans, which were his favorite kind, he alighted upon a magic mushroom and sat down to enjoy his/her cherry beans of dazzling, delicious delight.
-
Suddenly and quite gastronomically his
-
friend appeared, chewing the scenery.
-
Patric[k/a]'s friend's name was Bob/ette,
-
and he was a fairy
-
princess as well as a
-
steward of Broadway show tunes.
-
Bob/ette began singing as soon
-
as he saw Patrick sitting
-
and counting his jellybeans thoughtfully
-
while contemplating the cosmos. "Bob/ette
-
scratched the corner of his
-
universe. A warp hole materialized
-
during a rousing rendition of
-
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Cumulus
-
clouds obscured their view of
-
The Battle of Waterloo, which
-
seemed to be happening just
-
outside their line of vision.
-
"Good gravy!" He said, pointing
-
to the pair of ugly
-
coconuts that hung from a
-
from the nose of Baboo
-
pink and yellow pine tree.
-
"This isn't good gravy," Bob/ette
-
"It's coconut milk! Hairy, old
-
friend. What have we gotten
-
our boots in now? You
-
need to start looking for
-
the rare pecan crusted kumquat
-
:rof2: :rof2: :rof2:
-
that only exists in alternate
-
realities on Thursday nights," he
-
explained while checking his handy
-
magical cell phone. It was
-
showing a text message from
-
that randy dude who used
-
to wash his imaginary car.
-
He had liked Randy, but
-
the dude was a little
-
crazy and, frankly, a bit
-
too indigo for his taste.
-
Update-
Where he found three shiny gold bars. Amazed he decided to forget about the water. Gold was all he saw. It sparkled magically, and he knew he was really a beautiful, fairy princess.
So s/he fluttered gracefully away, away from his worries and cares, off into the land of perpetual tickling, where they tickle you day and night, night and day! Even during nap-time!!! And they don't stop, even if you say 'pretty please'! So s/he left for Berlin, the French Peas' warning fresh in his/her mind. Germany was a wonderful country, home of the sauerkraut and potato pancakes. But waffles, sadly, weren't on the menu.
So s/he fluttered to England, en route to Neverland, the land of carefree, flying children. They greeted Patric[k/a] with glee and gave him/her many reasons to go. But s/he decided to stay anyway, because Peter is awesome. And Pan's peanut butter is not made anymore. Only the residents of Neverland can enjoy that smooth, creamy, delicious taste of Peter Pan's peanut butter.
So with a plate of bread in one hand and a jar of peanut butter in the other, he screamed, "Give me a butter knife more fairy dust!" And with that he disappeared. A cloud of pixi stix and lollipops in his/her wake. Then s/he looked up at the sky and said, "Where am I?"
An eerie voice replied, "You have entered the Twilight Zone." Patric[k/a] screamed. He didn't know that the Twilight Zone was real. He only believed in fairies, carefree flying children, and The Outer Limits. Everyone knows that They are in control. Or so they think. Alas, Patric[k/a]'s now black and white. S/He's stuck in a bad spot of pudding with no trace of pink snow to brighten the giant gray doll-house.
The Twilight Zone was completely consuming everything s/he believed, and Patric[k/a] decided it was time to hightail it on out to someplace more colorful, like the other side of the fence that bordered the West, where a brilliant display of rainbows and lemon drops highlighted colors so bizarre as to dazzle and entrance the imagination. It was the Candy Land Metropolis, which until now had been closed for resugaring. But now it had opened again, and s/he fluttered gracefully into the field of green gummy grass.
Grasping a heaping handful of red jellybeans, which were his favorite kind, he alighted upon a magic mushroom and sat down to enjoy his/her cherry beans of dazzling, delicious delight. Suddenly and quite gastronomically his friend appeared, chewing the scenery. Patric[k/a]'s friend's name was Bob/ette, and he was a fairy princess as well as a steward of Broadway show tunes.
Bob/ette began singing as soon as he saw Patric[k/a] sitting and counting his/her jellybeans thoughtfully while contemplating the cosmos. Bob/ette scratched the corner of his/her universe. A warp hole materialized during a rousing rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Cumulus clouds obscured their view of The Battle of Waterloo, which seemed to be happening just outside their line of vision.
"Good gravy!" S/He said, pointing to the pair of ugly coconuts that hung from a pink and yellow pine tree.
"This isn't good gravy," Bob/ette said. "It's coconut milk! Hairy, old friend. What have we gotten our boots in now? You need to start looking for the rare pecan crusted kumquat that only exists in alternate realities on Thursday nights," he explained while checking his handy magical cell phone. It was showing a text message from that Randy dude who used to wash his imaginary car.
He had liked Randy, but the dude was a little crazy and, frankly, a bit too indigo for his taste.
-
"Let's paint you pink and
-
indigo," Randy texted. Patrick sighed.
-
(OT: Yay! I'm now a hero member! Karma for all! ;D)
-
Bob/ette, weirded out, felt like (OT: I'm a new hero too. Whoopee!)
-
he'd just seen several monkeys
(OT: KC, I'm getting a crick in my neck from looking at that picture of yours. ;D)
-
(kestrel, apologies ... it's toast, I'm having tech probs. Poof, back to pink)
and they knew show tunes
-
but couldn't sing a note
-
in tune to save their
-
pathetic little lives. Patrick, on
(MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Pathetic… ;D)
-
the other hand, was now
-
texting Randy back, saying "Dude,
-
no way! If anything, we
-
know an accomplished alto baritone who
(not sure how I messed up my post so please allow 6 words to make it work)
-
knows "Phantom of the Opera"
-
which he can do standing
-
on a white picket fence.
-
We can paint him." Bob/ette
-
looked over Patrick's left wing
-
We can try, but I
-
prefer neutral shades over berry-tones."
-
"Barritones!" Patrick annunciated. "You know,
-
I can play a mean
-
birdhouse gourd, if I'm in
-
Tijuana, putting small sheep on
-
an express flight to Canada."
(I didn't think it could get any weirder than a rare, pecan crusted kumquat. Apparently I was wrong. :rof3:)
-
Bob/ette caught the faintest glint
(Oh, baby, you ain't seen weird yet ... hello! I write about fat supervillains who foil their own crimes and multi gifted psychics who set unlit cigars on fire while they are in somebody's pocket ) You got weird? Bring it on, baby! I got strange -- I'm done, behaving self. :)
-
of gold in Patric[k/a]'s pocket.
-
"Where did you get that?"
-
he asked. Patric[k/a] paused.
"Why
-
do you want to know?"
-
"'Cause I could use some
-
cash, you know, to pay
-
off my dental bills. Those
-
blades of gummy grass hurt
-
my upper molars last winter.
-
Bobette opened his mouth so
-
Patrick could fully appreciate the
-
tiny construction-workers jackhammering cavities into
-
oblivion. "Aw, they're so cute!"
-
"Really? I can't see them."
-
"That's because you're always singing!
-
Naturally, you wouldn't see them."
-
Just when I thought this couldn't get any more amazing. :no: :yes: :up:
Where he found three shiny gold bars. Amazed he decided to forget about the water. Gold was all he saw. It sparkled magically, and he knew he was really a beautiful, fairy princess.
So he fluttered gracefully away, away from his worries and cares, off into the land of perpetual tickling, where they tickle you day and night, night and day! Even during nap-time!!! And they don't stop, even if you say 'pretty please'! So he left for Berlin, the French Peas' warning fresh in his mind. Germany was a wonderful country, home of the sauerkraut and potato pancakes. But waffles, sadly, weren't on the menu.
So he fluttered to England, en route to Neverland, the land of carefree, flying children. They greeted Patrick with glee and gave him many reasons to go. But he decided to stay anyway, because Peter is awesome. And Pan's peanut butter is not made anymore. Only the residents of Neverland can enjoy that smooth, creamy, delicious taste of Peter Pan's peanut butter.
So with a plate of bread in one hand and a jar of peanut butter in the other, he screamed, "Give me a butter knife more fairy dust!" And with that he disappeared. A cloud of pixi stix and lollipops in his wake. Then he looked up at the sky and said, "Where am I?"
An eerie voice replied, "You have entered the Twilight Zone." Patrick screamed. He didn't know that the Twilight Zone was real. He only believed in fairies, carefree flying children, and The Outer Limits. Everyone knows that They are in control. Or so they think. Alas, Patrick's now black and white. He's stuck in a bad spot of pudding with no trace of pink snow to brighten the giant gray dollhouse.
The Twilight Zone was completely consuming everything he believed, and Patrick decided it was time to hightail it on out to someplace more colorful, like the other side of the fence that bordered the West, where a brilliant display of rainbows and lemon drops highlighted colors so bizarre as to dazzle and entrance the imagination. It was the Candy Land Metropolis, which until now had been closed for re-sugaring. But now it had opened again, and he fluttered gracefully into the field of green gummy grass.
Grasping a heaping handful of red jellybeans, which were his favorite kind, he alighted upon a magic mushroom and sat down to enjoy his cherry beans of dazzling, delicious delight. Suddenly and quite gastronomically his friend appeared, chewing the scenery. Patrick's friend's name was Bobette, and he was a fairy princess as well as a steward of Broadway show tunes.
Bobette began singing as soon as he saw Patrick sitting and counting his jellybeans thoughtfully while contemplating the cosmos. Bobette scratched the corner of his universe. A warp hole materialized during a rousing rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Cumulus clouds obscured their view of The Battle of Waterloo, which seemed to be happening just outside their line of vision.
"Good gravy!" he said, pointing to the pair of ugly coconuts that hung from a pink and yellow pine tree.
"This isn't good gravy," Bobette said. "It's coconut milk! Hairy, old friend. What have we gotten our boots in now? You need to start looking for the rare pecan crusted kumquat that only exists in alternate realities on Thursday nights," he explained while checking his handy magical cell phone. It was showing a text message from that Randy dude who used to wash his imaginary car. He had liked Randy, but the dude was a little crazy and, frankly, a bit too indigo for his taste.
"Let's paint you pink and indigo," Randy texted. Patrick sighed. Bobette, weirded out, felt like he'd just seen several monkeys and they knew show tunes but couldn't sing a note in tune to save their pathetic little lives.
[Somewhere in there the magical cell phone switches from Bobette to Patrick. That’s the only way that makes any sense. ;D]
Patrick, on the other hand, was now texting Randy back, saying, "Dude, no way! If anything, we know an accomplished alto baritone who knows "Phantom of the Opera" which he can do standing on a white picket fence. We can paint him."
Bobette looked over Patrick's left wing and said, “We can try, but I prefer neutral shades over berry-tones."
"Baritones!" Patrick enunciated. "You know, I can play a mean birdhouse gourd, if I'm in Tijuana, putting small sheep on an express flight to Canada." Bobette caught the faintest glint of gold in Patrick's pocket.
"Where did you get that?" he asked. Patrick paused.
"Why do you want to know?"
"'Cause I could use some cash, you know, to pay off my dental bills. Those blades of gummy grass hurt my upper molars last winter.†Bobette opened his mouth so Patrick could fully appreciate the tiny construction-workers jackhammering cavities into oblivion.
"Aw, they're so cute!"
"Really? I can't see them."
"That's because you're always singing! Naturally, you wouldn't see them."
-
"Does my singing frighten them?
-
Honey, your singing would scare
-
the dead from their graves!
-
And shave the hair off
-
Randy's legs." Patrick didn't mean
-
to sound quite so harsh,
-
but the guy needed to
-
develop a better sense of
-
Feng Shui. Bobette smiled and
-
spun around until she was
-
too dizzy to eat cupcakes.
-
so instead she ate Randy's
-
Pepto chewables, which turned his
-
stubble, which surprisingly tasted like
-
black cherry. "Dude!" He said,
-
"What's your problem? Those were
-
for my pet skunk, Charley!"
-
Patrick/a shook her fist, "NO!
-
I knew there was something
-
terribly wrong with that animal!
-
And look at me! I'm
-
beginning to turn random colors!"
-
"Not again!" Bobette whined. "Ugh!"
-
Bobette's eyes started to flare
-
green, blue and magenta. "Help!
-
" Suddenly the colors started to
-
seep into the Twilight Zone
-
where a mysterious quarter stood
-
on its side in the
-
middle of the swamp from
-
the North. "If I could
-
I would give it to
-
my cousin, Simon. He's well
-
… different. That's all I can
-
say without embarrassing both him
-
and Mr. Hollabackatcha. He's very sensitive
-
about that sort of thing.
-
Sometimes when I see him
-
I get all squidgy inside.
-
I don't think he knows
-
that I'm allergic to wimps.
(;D)
-
Although I am terribly attracted
-
to guys with pocket protectors.
-
There's a level of panache
-
in those with pocket protectors,
-
that is seldom seen today.
-
Probably because pocket protectors have
-
been formerly made of stuff
-
that would make women drool
-
"I'm not drooling," said Bobette.
-
He grimaced at the thought.
-
I guess those days are
-
long gone.
"Good riddance," Bobette
-
screamed, wringing her dirty hand,
-
"Don't you think you're overreacting?"
-
"NOT AT ALL. I ONLY...."
-
SCREAM WHEN I'M COMPLETELY CALM!"
-
"or you're out of Prozac."
-
"so, where is my Prozac?"
-
"What Prozac?"
"IF YOU DON'T
-
SHUT UP I AM GOING
-
TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER PUNCHING YOU!"
-
"Take your best shot coward!"
-
Bobette's face turned beet-red, and
-
her red lips went white
-
. Patricia burst out in laughter,
-
she knew she had just
-
made Bobette more angry, but
-
she decided a kiss would
-
probably not be the best
-
solution to the problem. When
-
your breath is really foul.
-
Are you sure you're not
-
starting. I hurried and
-
ran into a brick wall.
-
Dazed, I forgot my veneer
-
was far to thin. I
-
felt the ichor drip into
-
a massive vat of spiced
-
Squirrel, with a lightly rosette