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The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile.  Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete!  Where are you, buddy?"  A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores.  An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink.  The Snowman Contest was officially begun.  "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth. 

Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow.  Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy.  "Aggy! Look out!" he cried.  But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely.  He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match.  On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.

The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile.  Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete!  Where are you, buddy?"  A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores.  An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink.  The Snowman Contest was officially begun.  "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth.

Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow.  Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy.  "Aggy! Look out!" he cried.  But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely.  He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match.  On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.

The next morning, drama mama hauled what was left of her badly mangled body to apologize to dear Chelc for just plain being a biotch.  Unimpressed and justifiably miffed, pulled a sword from nowhere Chelc pulled a sword from nowhere and held it threateningly while Drama Mama cowered and begged for her miserable, putrid life!  But Chelc, being the lady of spite, only smiled and then spit into the drama mama's cup of yellow snow! 

"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete." 

"It wasn't me," Pete said with a derisive snort that nearly started an avalanche on cue.  Everyone was relieved, but they had no idea what to do or say next! 

And they were not alone.  Through the trees, wraithlike, winged monkeys on a sugar high came crashing into the clearing with a bang. "Toto! Toto!" shrieked the rabid howler monkeys, and then threw red shoes that hit Bob and Pete knocking Bob to the ground, and killing poor Pete.

"Why does this ALWAYS happen?" Bob laughed.  The reason was that a monkey had landed on top of his yellow snowman.  The yellow snowman vaulted high

The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile.  Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete!  Where are you, buddy?"  A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores.  An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink.  The Snowman Contest was officially begun.  "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth.

Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow.  Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy.  "Aggy! Look out!" he cried.  But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely.  He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match.  On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.

The next morning, drama mama hauled what was left of her badly mangled body to apologize to dear Chelc for just plain being a biotch.  Unimpressed and justifiably miffed, pulled a sword from nowhere Chelc pulled a sword from nowhere and held it threateningly while Drama Mama cowered and begged for her miserable, putrid life!  But Chelc, being the lady of spite, only smiled and then spit into the drama mama's cup of yellow snow!

"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete."

"It wasn't me," Pete said with a derisive snort that nearly started an avalanche on cue.  Everyone was relieved, but they had no idea what to do or say next!

And they were not alone.  Through the trees, wraithlike, winged monkeys on a sugar high came crashing into the clearing with a bang. "Toto! Toto!" shrieked the rabid howler monkeys, and then threw red shoes that hit Bob and Pete knocking Bob to the ground, and killing poor Pete.

"Why does this ALWAYS happen?" Bob laughed.  The reason was that a monkey had landed on top of his yellow snowman.  The yellow snowman vaulted high into the chemical addled skies, propelled by his ammonia driven flatulence.  "Damn snowman-stealing monkeys, their ammonia addiction really must be stopped, or we'll all be asphyxiated by the fumes!"  Pete said, grabbing the flamethrower. 

"Pete! I witnessed your death!!" 

"The vampire monkeys revived me!" 

"But that means, oh no." 

"Yup, I'm a vampire monkey!"  Pete said, and lunged at Bob with the ferocity of the standard vampire monkey.

"Wait!  Wouldn't you rather have yellow snow?" Bob said, waving garlic and onion omelets at him. 

"With blood and ammonia?" Pete said, talking the plate from Chelc.

"Not bad! I could get used to this.  But, where does this blood come from?" she asked, holding Drama Mama's decapitated head by the blood-soaked blonde banana curl behind her back. Bob winced when he saw Chelc's diabolical plan: blood of a blonde.  Chelc sat the head atop a makeshift mantle, then said "Loth and Aud can attest to my diabolical nature. You may think you're something special, but you'll never get ahead

"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete."

The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile.  Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete!  Where are you, buddy?"  A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores.  An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink.  The Snowman Contest was officially begun.  "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth.

Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow.  Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy.  "Aggy! Look out!" he cried.  But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely.  He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match.  On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.

The next morning, drama mama hauled what was left of her badly mangled body to apologize to dear Chelc for just plain being a biotch.  Unimpressed and justifiably miffed, pulled a sword from nowhere Chelc pulled a sword from nowhere and held it threateningly while Drama Mama cowered and begged for her miserable, putrid life!  But Chelc, being the lady of spite, only smiled and then spit into the drama mama's cup of yellow snow!

"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete."

"It wasn't me," Pete said with a derisive snort that nearly started an avalanche on cue.  Everyone was relieved, but they had no idea what to do or say next!

And they were not alone.  Through the trees, wraithlike, winged monkeys on a sugar high came crashing into the clearing with a bang. "Toto! Toto!" shrieked the rabid howler monkeys, and then threw red shoes that hit Bob and Pete knocking Bob to the ground, and killing poor Pete.

"Why does this ALWAYS happen?" Bob laughed.  The reason was that a monkey had landed on top of his yellow snowman.  The yellow snowman vaulted high into the chemical addled skies, propelled by his ammonia driven flatulence.  "Damn snowman-stealing monkeys, their ammonia addiction really must be stopped, or we'll all be asphyxiated by the fumes!"  Pete said, grabbing the flamethrower. 

"Pete! I witnessed your death!!" 

"The vampire monkeys revived me!" 

"But that means, oh no." 

"Yup, I'm a vampire monkey!"  Pete said, and lunged at Bob with the ferocity of the standard vampire monkey.

"Wait!  Wouldn't you rather have yellow snow?" Bob said, waving garlic and onion omelets at him. 

"With blood and ammonia?" Pete said, talking the plate from Chelc.

"Not bad! I could get used to this.  But, where does this blood come from?" she asked, holding Drama Mama's decapitated head by the blood-soaked blonde banana curl behind her back. Bob winced when he saw Chelc's diabolical plan: blood of a blonde.  Chelc sat the head atop a makeshift mantle, then said "Loth and Aud can attest to my diabolical nature. You may think you're something special, but you'll never get ahead as long as you are behind."

Chelc then climbed aboard her turbo-charged vacuum cleaner and chanted the magical words: "Ye Woot. Ye Woot. Ye Woot."

The vacuum revved and flew over Bob, who dove for cover behind a yellow snowman.  "I'm leaving this snowman infested wilderness and going to Vegas!"  The cord of Chelc's vacuum was thankfully 3,000 miles long and so she could fly, with Bob on the back, all the way to Vegas.  As they came in for for a hoover-icious landing, Bob began to teeter precariously.  Unsympathetic, Chelc shoved poor Bob over the side to dangle in terror as she finally cut the cord and set for landing on a roof. 

The clock struck one. Perfect.  She was just in time to witness the destruction of Bob and Pete's House of solid hershey's dark chocolate build.  Chelc ran over and began to plunge her teeth into Bob's leg.

"Hey!" he shouted, "I'm not a chocolate house!"

"Cannibalism! You'll get used to it," Chelc said, "or you'll die from it."

"I see." Bob reached over and grabbed a gold-plated carving knife from the vacuum belt, hidden beneath the chocolate rubble.  He wondered about the winged monkeys.  But with Chelc ready to and the knife in hand, he knew he was overmatched.  "Just eat the chocolate!" he demanded, "and not the leg!"

"Hmmm, chocolate covered leg."  Chelc garbled through streams of drool "But I will be merciful!" "Later! That vampire monkey has been eyeing my Bob for twenty moons, and now I want retribution. Bob, hide yourself!" 

Bob hid underneath the green cupcake factory sign and wept.  He then pulled a tissue and a hunk of chocolate out of his greasy little assortment of purses. Chelc faced the cupcake factory sign and pulled out the rocket launcher she'd stashed in her backpack.  Calmly, and with great precision, she aimed at the approaching ice cream truck.

"I hate butter brickle, you selfish bastard!"  Chelc then pulled the trigger, launching the rocket propelled incendiary anti-lactose missile straight up the ice cream truck's wazoo. 

Shockingly, Bob refused to die!  He got up and said, "I refuse to die, so you can stick your launcher where the sun don't..." 

Suddenly, the sound of wicked laughter came blasting from the truck's super secret compartment, secretly located in the fudge-bar freezer.  Chelc approached slowly and reached inside the freezer.  "I wonder why a bengal tiger is chewing on my ankle."

Because Chelc used nine words, the five word police came immediately.  "Young Chelc," said Officer Turkwingle, "I have a warrant for your arrest.  Stealing words is a felony around here." 

Embarrassed, Chelc took the four stolen words from her pocket and said, "These words are the cause of my humiliation.  Sometimes when counting to five, my chemistry overloaded brain gets

The fire was finally starting to die down, but we continued to stick our smores in the smoking ash pile.  Bob looked up from his nearby foxhole and called out, "Pete!  Where are you, buddy?"  A tuft of Pete's hair was still ablaze because of his unnatural attraction to smores.  An onslaught of toxic fumes mingled with the falling snowflakes and turned the air pink.  The Snowman Contest was officially begun.  "Now where did I put that lump of C4?" Pete asked himself as he picked marshmallow from his teeth.

Meanwhile, back in the foxhole, Bob was packing his first suitcase full of yellow snow.  Pete had told him that it was full of nutrients so he wanted to stockpile in case he was ever left stranded in the wilderness alone. But as for now, getting stranded was the least of his worries, since the grizzly bear was running straight at his beloved girlfriend Agatha Krispy.  "Aggy! Look out!" he cried.  But alas, Aggy was only a hallucination. The real beloved in his life was actually the grizzly bear, who looked like his dear Aunt Sarah, but only barely.  He hated the resemblence between Sarah and the fanged beast, but since she was prettier than Aunt Sarah, he decided he would light another short match.  On fire again, Pete's hair lit a beacon, attracting a rather large swarm of wallabies which lunged at Drama Mama and tore off her sequined and smug smile before they commenced to eating her insides.

The next morning, drama mama hauled what was left of her badly mangled body to apologize to dear Chelc for just plain being a biotch.  Unimpressed and justifiably miffed, pulled a sword from nowhere Chelc pulled a sword from nowhere and held it threateningly while Drama Mama cowered and begged for her miserable, putrid life!  But Chelc, being the lady of spite, only smiled and then spit into the drama mama's cup of yellow snow!

"Let that be a lesson to those who stand in my path to greatness and bring me Bob and Pete."

"It wasn't me," Pete said with a derisive snort that nearly started an avalanche on cue.  Everyone was relieved, but they had no idea what to do or say next!

And they were not alone.  Through the trees, wraithlike, winged monkeys on a sugar high came crashing into the clearing with a bang. "Toto! Toto!" shrieked the rabid howler monkeys, and then threw red shoes that hit Bob and Pete knocking Bob to the ground, and killing poor Pete.

"Why does this ALWAYS happen?" Bob laughed.  The reason was that a monkey had landed on top of his yellow snowman.  The yellow snowman vaulted high into the chemical addled skies, propelled by his ammonia driven flatulence.  "Damn snowman-stealing monkeys, their ammonia addiction really must be stopped, or we'll all be asphyxiated by the fumes!"  Pete said, grabbing the flamethrower. 

"Pete! I witnessed your death!!" 

"The vampire monkeys revived me!" 

"But that means, oh no." 

"Yup, I'm a vampire monkey!"  Pete said, and lunged at Bob with the ferocity of the standard vampire monkey.

"Wait!  Wouldn't you rather have yellow snow?" Bob said, waving garlic and onion omelets at him. 

"With blood and ammonia?" Pete said, talking the plate from Chelc.

"Not bad! I could get used to this.  But, where does this blood come from?" she asked, holding Drama Mama's decapitated head by the blood-soaked blonde banana curl behind her back. Bob winced when he saw Chelc's diabolical plan: blood of a blonde.  Chelc sat the head atop a makeshift mantle, then said "Loth and Aud can attest to my diabolical nature. You may think you're something special, but you'll never get ahead as long as you are behind."

Chelc then climbed aboard her turbo-charged vacuum cleaner and chanted the magical words: "Ye Woot. Ye Woot. Ye Woot."

The vacuum revved and flew over Bob, who dove for cover behind a yellow snowman.  "I'm leaving this snowman infested wilderness and going to Vegas!"  The cord of Chelc's vacuum was thankfully 3,000 miles long and so she could fly, with Bob on the back, all the way to Vegas.  As they came in for for a hoover-icious landing, Bob began to teeter precariously.  Unsympathetic, Chelc shoved poor Bob over the side to dangle in terror as she finally cut the cord and set for landing on a roof. 

The clock struck one. Perfect.  She was just in time to witness the destruction of Bob and Pete's House of solid hershey's dark chocolate build.  Chelc ran over and began to plunge her teeth into Bob's leg.

"Hey!" he shouted, "I'm not a chocolate house!"

"Cannibalism! You'll get used to it," Chelc said, "or you'll die from it."

"I see." Bob reached over and grabbed a gold-plated carving knife from the vacuum belt, hidden beneath the chocolate rubble.  He wondered about the winged monkeys.  But with Chelc ready to and the knife in hand, he knew he was overmatched.  "Just eat the chocolate!" he demanded, "and not the leg!"

"Hmmm, chocolate covered leg."  Chelc garbled through streams of drool "But I will be merciful!" "Later! That vampire monkey has been eyeing my Bob for twenty moons, and now I want retribution. Bob, hide yourself!" 

Bob hid underneath the green cupcake factory sign and wept.  He then pulled a tissue and a hunk of chocolate out of his greasy little assortment of purses. Chelc faced the cupcake factory sign and pulled out the rocket launcher she'd stashed in her backpack.  Calmly, and with great precision, she aimed at the approaching ice cream truck.

"I hate butter brickle, you selfish bastard!"  Chelc then pulled the trigger, launching the rocket propelled incendiary anti-lactose missile straight up the ice cream truck's wazoo. 

Shockingly, Bob refused to die!  He got up and said, "I refuse to die, so you can stick your launcher where the sun don't..." 

Suddenly, the sound of wicked laughter came blasting from the truck's super secret compartment, secretly located in the fudge-bar freezer.  Chelc approached slowly and reached inside the freezer.  "I wonder why a bengal tiger is chewing on my ankle."

Because Chelc used nine words, the five word police came immediately.  "Young Chelc," said Officer Turkwingle, "I have a warrant for your arrest.  Stealing words is a felony around here." 

Embarrassed, Chelc took the four stolen words from her pocket and said, "These words are the cause of my humiliation.  Sometimes when counting to five, my chemistry overloaded brain gets drenched in hormones and I want to impress Johnny Depp!  And he's impressed by lots of words from Wisconsin girls.  He even sent me flowers recently - came to my house dressed as a wacky pirate.  He handed me the bouquet and I'm ashamed to admit that I sneezed, then fainted right into his waiting arms.  And oh, what bliss it was to look into those smoldering eyes!" 

Chelc almost fainted but instead took out a permit, enabling her to use extra words provided she had a really really good reason.  Exasperated, the officer said "Fine, since you have a really really, really, really, really, really good reason, and since Johnny is wrapped around your little baby toe, I suppose I could make an exception, but don't let it happen again."

"I understand," said Chelc, "but do you mind if I dance the mamba on your police car?  I just gotta show Johnny my mad skills and hope that he doesn't pass out from my awesomeness.  Most boys do," she sighed. "It's pretty tough on a wonderful awesome chick such as me, me, me, me, ME!" 

She whipped out her launcher and her rocket shooter, too.  Johnny looked on, impressed by Chelc's mad skills.  "What a gem, this Chelc!" he said.

"Alright miss, carry on with whatever the heck it is that you are doing with that rocket launcher thing and just make sure from now on, NO... MORE... STEALING... WORDS!!!"

Chelc pouted and stuffed the rocket launcher and leg of chocolate into Johnny Depp's pocket.  He did not smile.  Instead he looked at her like a starving man, and she leapt into his waiting arms like the stalker she is.

Meanwhile, Vampire Pete and Bob, having no new plot ideas, left the scene for good.

The wallabies were attacking again!  Chelc swiped Johnny's pirate sword brought out the comfy chair and made some wallabie puree, lightly sauteed in garlic butter. 

Then the grizzly bear came! 

With him, Bob and Pete! 

They gathered around the campfire and the bear quickly devoured both of them.  Deeply disturbed, the grizzly took some antiacid lookalike tablets.  But they weren't really antiacid.  They were really nickels.  This annoyed the bear and also killed him.  So now Chelc was left alone with Johnny... so she thought!

And then came the monkeys. The cheeky, sneaky monkeys, who picked up Johnny by the scabbard and hauled him off, leaving Chelc all alone and, being the only character left, demanded a rewrite from the entire Query Tracker writing team. 

(So, back to the beginning)

The fire was finally starting to tear through the bookstore, just the way Chelc had planned it.  Losing Johnny Depp had driven her completely mad, which wasn't a lengthy trip.

and he drowned in beryllium.

(So, back to the beginning)

The fire was finally starting to tear through the bookstore, just the way Chelc had planned it.  Losing Johnny Depp had driven her completely mad, which wasn't a lengthy trip.  Suddenly, a book from the the flaming bestseller section spoke! 
"I always hated Fahrenheit 451," said To Kill A Mockingbird.
"I heard that!" responded Fahrenheit…

[Starting over… Again…]

A shadow slipped between the darkened buildings, stealthily creeping around an abandoned car and a drunk passed out in the bright glare of the street lights.  When he reached the deserted fun park, he began he began to play hockey with several other shadowy figures wearing hockey masks and carrying butcher knives.  "This game's dangerous, but crafty monkeys like us have four thumbs, so we can barely hold these knives."

Damn, I got nothing to drink my Kool-Aid in or any cyanide to add flavor.  Monkeys will always go to great lengths when faced with treacherous missions that require them to be schnockered on Kool-Aid!  The Kool-Aid tote'n monkeys jumped when they heard the shot that was intended to scatter them forever from this story.

Skittering from the hockey rink and refusing to spill their Kool-Aid as they left.  The evil monkeys eat their hearts out because they are charter members of an exclusive topless simian night club, where innocence goes to shamelessly die.  But, that is another story.  Unfortunately, here's not the place.

Meanwhile, back to our hero who was still wandering aimlessly looking for his car keys on the outskirts of Vegas.  In the distance, he could see a flock of mutated Kool-Aid packages that had been thrown a muck along time ago, and now were making their way into the dark depths of unread novels.  Bob spotted his keys under Emily Bronte (that harlot!), and politely asked her to move.

Emily refused, and sister Charlotte pulled out her rocket launcher and aimed at the monkeys.  Meanwhile, in the other room a man named Joe came and burnt all the toast.  "Jeez, Louise," Charlotte said, "You got any butter? I'm cooking up a storm.  Want some?"
Joe replied, "No thanks, I had some liver earlier."

Unnerved, Charlotte fingered the scar on her right forearm, terrified of Joe and the monkey behind his screaming insanity and terror.  Joe then suddenly turned on a light so they could attract a plethora of fireflies, and capturing them in jars, they hurried back into the library to look up plethora.

On the dusty shelves they were stunned when they found an open Kool-Aid package.  What mysterious stranger could have left pink fingerprints?  Oh Yeah!  Go to the section on fiction and look for the old scriptures on how to kill the goat for sacrifice to ease the pain from Kool-Aid addiction.  Joe considered telling Charlotte the baby couldn't possibly be started chewing on Charlotte's sandwich, which unknown to him contained a mixture of three different aphrodisiac herbs from Joanjunkmail's garden.
"Well, I never!" said JJM when Audal showed up at the Pulitzer winner's award banquet.  Sadly, he was only dreaming.

The periodic table of elements started taking over Audal's dream, and he drowned in beryllium.  He had drowned twice before, only painful chemistry could kill.  But a diamond is forever, unlike NaCl, which Chelc learned in chemistry is table salt.

"Gasp!" Chelc said, realizing she actually learned something in chemistry and remembers it as well!  Chelc sighed as she realized she was talking to herself five words at a time.  "Guess I'll go do something," she thought aloud, but then she realized that now that chem. was over, she had nothing to do!  So she went to play online chess… Losing.  Again.  On level "easy".

So she called the hot guy who had slipped his card in her advanced chemistry book two days later because Patrick lost his pants once again.  Will he ever learn!  It's become a habitual occurrence that makes it hard to love.  ‘Snot hard atoll to dance, but Patrick wanted love. Nevertheless, he was already married to his work, so how could he sashay his way into her unsuspecting heart once again?

Living up to his pantless and witless reputation.  But he pressed on, certain of his success.  As a brilliant and extraordinary piece of machinery. Operating canceled due the weatherman's forecast.

"What now," he wondered as the roof caved in because of the torrential flood waters that nearly washed away his beloved computer and wife.  But at the very last moment he grabbed the monitor cord unfortunately, the action was too little too late.  The loud crash of the tower falling made him forget the water was right under his feet and he lost his belongings to the flood of the water carrying his pants back to him.  Where he found three shiny gold bars.  Amazed…

The loud crash of the tower falling made him forget the water was right under his feet and he lost his belongings to the flood of the water carrying his pants back to him.  Where he found three shiny gold bars.  Amazed he decided to forget about the water.  Gold was all he saw.  It sparkled magically, and he knew he was really a beautiful, fairy princess.

So s/he fluttered gracefully away, away from his worries and cares, off into the land of perpetual tickling, where they tickle you day and night, night and day!  Even during nap-time!!!  And they don't stop, even if you say 'pretty please'!  So s/he left for Berlin, the French Peas' warning fresh in his/her mind.  Germany was a wonderful country, home of the sauerkraut and potato pancakes.  But waffles, sadly, weren't on the menu.

So s/he fluttered to England, en route to Neverland, the land of carefree, flying children.  They greeted Patric[k/a] with glee and gave him/her many reasons to go.  But s/he decided to stay anyway, because Peter is awesome.  And Pan's peanut butter is not made anymore.  Only the residents of Neverland can enjoy that smooth, creamy, delicious taste of Peter Pan's peanut butter.

Where he found three shiny gold bars.  Amazed he decided to forget about the water.  Gold was all he saw.  It sparkled magically, and he knew he was really a beautiful, fairy princess.

So s/he fluttered gracefully away, away from his worries and cares, off into the land of perpetual tickling, where they tickle you day and night, night and day!  Even during nap-time!!!  And they don't stop, even if you say 'pretty please'!  So s/he left for Berlin, the French Peas' warning fresh in his/her mind.  Germany was a wonderful country, home of the sauerkraut and potato pancakes.  But waffles, sadly, weren't on the menu.

So s/he fluttered to England, en route to Neverland, the land of carefree, flying children.  They greeted Patric[k/a] with glee and gave him/her many reasons to go.  But s/he decided to stay anyway, because Peter is awesome.  And Pan's peanut butter is not made anymore.  Only the residents of Neverland can enjoy that smooth, creamy, delicious taste of Peter Pan's peanut butter.

So with a plate of bread in one hand and a jar of peanut butter in the other, he screamed, "Give me a butter knife more fairy dust!"  And with that he disappeared.  A cloud of pixi stix and lollipops in his/her wake.  Then s/he looked up at the sky and said, "Where am I?"

An eerie voice replied, "You have entered the Twilight Zone."  Patric[k/a] screamed.  He didn't know that the Twilight Zone was real.  He only believed in fairies, carefree flying children, and The Outer Limits.  Everyone knows that They are in control.  Or so they think.  Alas, Patric[k/a]'s now black and white.  S/He's stuck in a bad spot of pudding with no trace of pink snow to brighten the giant gray doll-house.

The Twilight Zone was completely consuming everything s/he believed, and Patric[k/a] decided it was time to hightail it on out to someplace more colorful, like the other side of the fence that bordered the West, where a brilliant display of rainbows and lemon drops highlighted colors so bizarre as to dazzle and entrance the imagination.  It was the Candy Land Metropolis, which until now had been closed for resugaring.  But now it had opened again, and s/he fluttered gracefully into the field of green gummy grass.

Grasping a heaping handful of red jellybeans, which were his favorite kind, he alighted upon a magic mushroom and sat down to enjoy his/her cherry beans of dazzling, delicious delight.

Where he found three shiny gold bars.  Amazed he decided to forget about the water.  Gold was all he saw.  It sparkled magically, and he knew he was really a beautiful, fairy princess.

So s/he fluttered gracefully away, away from his worries and cares, off into the land of perpetual tickling, where they tickle you day and night, night and day!  Even during nap-time!!!  And they don't stop, even if you say 'pretty please'!  So s/he left for Berlin, the French Peas' warning fresh in his/her mind.  Germany was a wonderful country, home of the sauerkraut and potato pancakes.  But waffles, sadly, weren't on the menu.

So s/he fluttered to England, en route to Neverland, the land of carefree, flying children.  They greeted Patric[k/a] with glee and gave him/her many reasons to go.  But s/he decided to stay anyway, because Peter is awesome.  And Pan's peanut butter is not made anymore.  Only the residents of Neverland can enjoy that smooth, creamy, delicious taste of Peter Pan's peanut butter.

So with a plate of bread in one hand and a jar of peanut butter in the other, he screamed, "Give me a butter knife more fairy dust!"  And with that he disappeared.  A cloud of pixi stix and lollipops in his/her wake.  Then s/he looked up at the sky and said, "Where am I?"

An eerie voice replied, "You have entered the Twilight Zone."  Patric[k/a] screamed.  He didn't know that the Twilight Zone was real.  He only believed in fairies, carefree flying children, and The Outer Limits.  Everyone knows that They are in control.  Or so they think.  Alas, Patric[k/a]'s now black and white.  S/He's stuck in a bad spot of pudding with no trace of pink snow to brighten the giant gray doll-house.

The Twilight Zone was completely consuming everything s/he believed, and Patric[k/a] decided it was time to hightail it on out to someplace more colorful, like the other side of the fence that bordered the West, where a brilliant display of rainbows and lemon drops highlighted colors so bizarre as to dazzle and entrance the imagination.  It was the Candy Land Metropolis, which until now had been closed for resugaring.  But now it had opened again, and s/he fluttered gracefully into the field of green gummy grass.

Grasping a heaping handful of red jellybeans, which were his favorite kind, he alighted upon a magic mushroom and sat down to enjoy his/her cherry beans of dazzling, delicious delight.  Suddenly and quite gastronomically his friend appeared, chewing the scenery.  Patric[k/a]'s friend's name was Bob/ette, and he was a fairy  princess as well as a steward of Broadway show tunes.

Bob/ette began singing as soon as he saw Patric[k/a] sitting and counting his/her jellybeans thoughtfully while contemplating the cosmos.  Bob/ette scratched the corner of his/her universe.  A warp hole materialized during a rousing rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".  Cumulus clouds obscured their view of The Battle of Waterloo, which seemed to be happening just outside their line of vision.

"Good gravy!" S/He said, pointing to the pair of ugly coconuts that hung from a pink and yellow pine tree.

"This isn't good gravy," Bob/ette said.  "It's coconut milk! Hairy, old friend.  What have we gotten our boots in now? You need to start looking for the rare pecan crusted kumquat that only exists in alternate realities on Thursday nights," he explained while checking his handy magical cell phone.  It was showing a text message from that Randy dude who used to wash his imaginary car.

He had liked Randy, but the dude was a little crazy and, frankly, a bit too indigo for his taste.

Where he found three shiny gold bars.  Amazed he decided to forget about the water.  Gold was all he saw.  It sparkled magically, and he knew he was really a beautiful, fairy princess.

So he fluttered gracefully away, away from his worries and cares, off into the land of perpetual tickling, where they tickle you day and night, night and day!  Even during nap-time!!!  And they don't stop, even if you say 'pretty please'!  So he left for Berlin, the French Peas' warning fresh in his mind.  Germany was a wonderful country, home of the sauerkraut and potato pancakes.  But waffles, sadly, weren't on the menu.

So he fluttered to England, en route to Neverland, the land of carefree, flying children.  They greeted Patrick with glee and gave him many reasons to go.  But he decided to stay anyway, because Peter is awesome.  And Pan's peanut butter is not made anymore.  Only the residents of Neverland can enjoy that smooth, creamy, delicious taste of Peter Pan's peanut butter.

So with a plate of bread in one hand and a jar of peanut butter in the other, he screamed, "Give me a butter knife more fairy dust!"  And with that he disappeared.  A cloud of pixi stix and lollipops in his wake.  Then he looked up at the sky and said, "Where am I?"

An eerie voice replied, "You have entered the Twilight Zone."  Patrick screamed.  He didn't know that the Twilight Zone was real.  He only believed in fairies, carefree flying children, and The Outer Limits.  Everyone knows that They are in control.  Or so they think.  Alas, Patrick's now black and white.  He's stuck in a bad spot of pudding with no trace of pink snow to brighten the giant gray dollhouse.

The Twilight Zone was completely consuming everything he believed, and Patrick decided it was time to hightail it on out to someplace more colorful, like the other side of the fence that bordered the West, where a brilliant display of rainbows and lemon drops highlighted colors so bizarre as to dazzle and entrance the imagination.  It was the Candy Land Metropolis, which until now had been closed for re-sugaring.  But now it had opened again, and he fluttered gracefully into the field of green gummy grass.

Grasping a heaping handful of red jellybeans, which were his favorite kind, he alighted upon a magic mushroom and sat down to enjoy his cherry beans of dazzling, delicious delight.  Suddenly and quite gastronomically his friend appeared, chewing the scenery.  Patrick's friend's name was Bobette, and he was a fairy  princess as well as a steward of Broadway show tunes.

Bobette began singing as soon as he saw Patrick sitting and counting his jellybeans thoughtfully while contemplating the cosmos.  Bobette scratched the corner of his universe.  A warp hole materialized during a rousing rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".  Cumulus clouds obscured their view of The Battle of Waterloo, which seemed to be happening just outside their line of vision.

"Good gravy!" he said, pointing to the pair of ugly coconuts that hung from a pink and yellow pine tree.

"This isn't good gravy," Bobette said.  "It's coconut milk!  Hairy, old friend.  What have we gotten our boots in now?  You need to start looking for the rare pecan crusted kumquat that only exists in alternate realities on Thursday nights," he explained while checking his handy magical cell phone.  It was showing a text message from that Randy dude who used to wash his imaginary car.  He had liked Randy, but the dude was a little crazy and, frankly, a bit too indigo for his taste.

"Let's paint you pink and indigo," Randy texted.  Patrick sighed.  Bobette, weirded out, felt like he'd just seen several monkeys and they knew show tunes but couldn't sing a note in tune to save their pathetic little lives.

[Somewhere in there the magical cell phone switches from Bobette to Patrick.  That’s the only way that makes any sense. ;D]

Patrick, on the other hand, was now texting Randy back, saying, "Dude, no way!  If anything, we know an accomplished alto baritone who knows "Phantom of the Opera" which he can do standing on a white picket fence.  We can paint him."

Bobette looked over Patrick's left wing and said, “We can try, but I prefer neutral shades over berry-tones."

"Baritones!" Patrick enunciated.  "You know, I can play a mean birdhouse gourd, if I'm in Tijuana, putting small sheep on an express flight to Canada."  Bobette caught the faintest glint of gold in Patrick's pocket.

"Where did you get that?" he asked.  Patrick paused.

"Why do you want to know?"

"'Cause I could use some cash, you know, to pay off my dental bills.  Those blades of gummy grass hurt my upper molars last winter.”  Bobette opened his mouth so Patrick could fully appreciate the tiny construction-workers jackhammering cavities into oblivion.

"Aw, they're so cute!"

"Really?  I can't see them."

"That's because you're always singing!  Naturally, you wouldn't see them."