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Writing => Critique Group Central => Topic started by: coriej on November 30, 2010, 05:16:29 PM

Title: Crit partners for 52K MG Fantasy
Post by: coriej on November 30, 2010, 05:16:29 PM
I'm looking for folks that read MG or slightly younger YA that would be willing to give a once over to a completed 52K Fantasy.  I'm mostly interested in your complete feedback - more like an amazon review, than a line by line.

I'm doing one more pass, and should be done by december 20 (and this will make sure I am!)

Please let me know if you have any interest, and I'd be happy to trade reviews.

Summary below to see if this is up your alley or not:

Coyote’s Daughter

Trapped in a world where the legends of Tewa mythology walk free, a young girl must solve an ancient mystery in order to return to her own world. Coyote's Daughter is a 52,000-word middle grade novel told from the point of view of a girl questioning her world and her role within it.

It is the beginning of summer and twelve-year-old Maggie is angry about her family’s move from San Diego to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Lonely and resentful at her new circumstances, Maggie and her dog Jack soon find the shady trail leading up to the Rio Grande.  While playing by the river, Jack startles a strange young boy, Ash. Maggie is slowly drawn away from the real world of her family, and into Ash’s land, one populated by myths and legends. 

Guided by the trickster Coyote and the cryptic Spider Old Woman, Maggie and Jack travel across Ash’s world. To return home Maggie must leave her friends behind to battle a twisted sorcerer who seeks vengeance for a childhood of alienation. Alone on her journey for the first time, she goes to fight both the sorcerer and her own doubts. By using her wits Maggie defeats the sorcerer and frees the land from his curse. Maggie, once again joined by Jack, travels back home to her parents with a fresh sense of self-confidence and acceptance of her new home.
Title: Re: Crit partners for 52K MG Fantasy
Post by: JayliaDarkness on December 11, 2010, 06:21:29 PM
I don't write MG, but I'm an elementary teacher, so I read a lot of it.  I'll critique it for you if you're willing to read my YA Fantasy (preferably line-by-line).  My fantasy, POINT OF OBLIVION, is 70,000 words:

Seventeen-year-old Lock, the Record Keeper’s assistant, should not use the Pen of Truth, yet she gives into temptation.  When Lock presses the magic pen to paper, it writes of its own accord. 

Suddenly, she finds herself the holder of death, for the Pen reveals to Lock a plot the natives of the Realm hatched to overthrow the tyrant who murdered the royal family.  The leader begs Lock to assist, bringing her face to face with the Usurper King and the dark secrets of her family’s past.  Before she can agree to assist the natives, the Record Keeper vanishes, and the Pen of Truth becomes her sole responsibility.  It writes a plan for her to stop the rebellion before the Realm she loves becomes ashes.  Lock gathers her courage and risks her life to obey the pen’s commands, although it leads to assassinating the king.
Title: Re: Crit partners for 52K MG Fantasy
Post by: coriej on December 20, 2010, 02:04:24 PM
I was hoping to trade similar levels of crit, but we can give it a try.  The holidays have hit me harder than expected, so I'm not quite ready - I'll give you a shout when I'm finished up, alright?
Title: Re: Crit partners for 52K MG Fantasy
Post by: JayliaDarkness on December 20, 2010, 07:56:22 PM
That's fine.  I've recently been looking through mine again, because my cousin told me the main character seems too flippant in the beginning.  I didn't intend for that, so I'm going through to make sure that isn't the case.

Send me an email when/if you want to trade.  PrincessJaylia@aol.com
Title: Re: Crit partners for 52K MG Fantasy
Post by: DHE on December 30, 2010, 12:25:49 PM
PMed you both.  :up:
Title: Re: Crit partners for 52K MG Fantasy
Post by: mmmpancakes on December 30, 2010, 08:01:46 PM

I think we could be a good match - I have a MG Fantasy PROMISE ME YOU'LL COME BACK, and I'll gladly read yours. Mine is 35K. I have a full and a partial out, but I know there's room for improvement. Let me know! (query below):

Dear Agent Orange:
One step beyond a blue flowered canopy, and introverted Chloe finds a world even more enchanting than the ones she knows through books.
The summer before sixth grade, Chloe finds herself trapped in rural Red Bud, Illinois keeping her ailing grandmother company. There only because of obligation, she expects to pass the time reading. Instead, she feels an instant connection with the strange old woman with bright green eyes. From the confines of her bed, her grandmother urges Chloe to explore the woods. She promises that something spectacular awaits.
Chloe’s grandmother delivers on this promise. When Chloe steps through a blue-flowered canopy on the far side of the trees, she finds herself in a world that appears to be Red Bud from the lens of half a century ago. Her hostess is a girl with the same glittering green eyes and commanding tone as her grandmother. She calls herself Lydia, and her unbridled enthusiasm and youthful energy are so captivating that Chloe accepts Lydia and her world as reality.
As vivid as Lydia’s world appears, it is an impermanent glimpse. As Chloe’s grandmother’s health dwindles, the new world deteriorates. Lydia warns Chloe that their time together is limited, but Chloe refuses to believe this even as her new world begins to fall to pieces. Before this happens, however, Chloe must understand why Lydia has opened it to her.
At 35, 000 words, my middle grade novel PROMISE ME YOU’LL COME BACK is complete. Per your submission guidelines, below please find the first ten pages. A full manuscript can be furnished upon your request.
I am [XX]. This novel was inspired by my hometown in Illinois. 
Thank you very much for your consideration.
Title: Re: Crit partners for 52K MG Fantasy
Post by: coriej on January 11, 2011, 09:16:00 PM
Hi - I'm so terribly sorry - the holidays hit, and then I've been sick. I'll get back with you as soon as I've got my feet back under me!
Title: Re: Crit partners for 52K MG Fantasy
Post by: mmmpancakes on January 12, 2011, 06:04:38 PM
Aww, feel better! EVERYONE is sick at my office - we've been passing it around.....