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 1 
 on: Today at 01:59:50 AM 
Started by Vathi - Last post by Vathi
Nudge if you're getting close to six months.

About the contents of the nudge letter: In the first line I asked whether they were still considering the manuscript. Then I linked them to a new publication (a short story), and I mentioned a commission for an essay. With my dream agent I also included two lines about why I think she'd be ideal for the novel I submitted. My nudge emails were short — about four or five sentences. I didn't sweat over every line.

 2 
 on: Yesterday at 04:43:27 PM 
Started by jjf3rd77 - Last post by billiek
I would cut the very first words… "In the far future,". In terms of your novel, it's not the far future, it's now, and removing that bit makes it sound more immediate, in the moment. Plus you don't run into issues with "from the past" because I'm assuming their past in not our past and it's actually in our future.

And I agree with MKWrites about "younger self." Try reading it aloud. (I mean, actually out loud, not under your breath.) You'll notice things like awkward phrasing and closely repeated words. It's a great way to edit. (Particularly after a glass of wine, I find. Just like wallpapering.)

 3 
 on: Yesterday at 01:48:49 PM 
Started by lazyprotagonist - Last post by lazyprotagonist
Galilee Flynn thought rock bottom was eating a Cheeto off her elderly pug Toddle, while watching the Real Housewives of Bustling City.  This was before Fair City’s Tackiest burst through her door, all shouting their own catch phrase, apologizing for startling the dog and promptly knocking her out.

 4 
 on: Yesterday at 01:17:10 PM 
Started by Vathi - Last post by drose
Vathi,

First, good luck with your newest request. I'm in a very similar position with a few fulls out. How long did you wait before nudging and how did you phrase your email? I'm reluctant to nudge but two fulls have been out just shy of six months and I'd like to ask if the agents are still interested since the industry slows down considerably over the winter holidays.

thanks!

 5 
 on: Yesterday at 01:16:54 PM 
Started by jjf3rd77 - Last post by MKWrites_318
Well, if it helps you decide which genre it should be, my story deals with mysticism, clairvoyance, and time travel, and I've put it in science fiction. But definitely choose one. Agents sometimes represent both sci-fi and fantasy, but plenty of them only represent one or the other and it might be a notch against you if you haven't properly categorized.

As to the rest of it, you know your story better than I do. They were just suggestions. If no one else has any trouble with it, don't worry about it. Smiley

 6 
 on: Yesterday at 10:39:28 AM 
Started by jjf3rd77 - Last post by jjf3rd77

In the far future, time travel is as commonplace as the smartphone, and the Wilsons have profited enough from it to be considered demi-gods. "Celebrities" I could understand. "Demi-gods" implies power that needs clarification. When shadows from the past threaten to expose their highly illegal soul trade (You don't have to give it all away but a little bit of definition regarding "the soul trade" wouldn't go amiss.) and destroy their legacy, patriarch Henry Wilson is forced to flee to the past and seek out his younger self's help.

Henry guides his younger self's own rise to power, (I'd find a way to not say "younger self" one time right after the other.) developing a way to manipulate time that has never been done before, breaking every rule in the book. While trying to prevent the scandal he’s tormented by mysterious episodes of Déjà vu that he can’t explain. Word from the future is that a new technology is quickly making time travel obsolete by revealing a deadly conspiracy one thousand years in the making. Both intrigued and confused by this sentence. Not knowing your story, I don't know if there's a way for you to elaborate without giving too much away. Wait and see what others say before you change that for sure.

Past, present, and future collide as Henry is left with a choice to make: protect his family/timeline (I would say "family and timeline." Something about that slash looks a little unprofessional, but that might just be me.) at all costs or continue making even larger changes no matter where or when they might lead.

Israel Falls is an (est) (They know you're rounding.) 80,000-word work of science fiction/fantasy. Definitely say either sci-fi or fantasy. Putting both might make it look like you don't know or are hedging your bets.


It's not bad. Just needs to be tightened up a little bit.

Best of luck!

Thank you for your suggestions and I'm glad you liked it. The reason I put scifi/fantasy is because of the time travel element. I don't know if more people see time travel as fantasy or sci-fi. I certainly see it as sci-fi, but this novel is not hard sci-fi at all! Yet, it doesn't have the magical elements of fantasy, maybe some mystical stuff, but not overall.

Unfortunately the novel is layered rich in the mythology as the world that I have created is pretty complex so it would take another paragraph at least to explain more conflicts. There is a religious component to this as well. I've written many queries where I have tried and failed to properly explain those issues as it relates to this world. Brand new concepts that a reader would have to be invested in in order to properly understand them.

 7 
 on: Yesterday at 08:28:38 AM 
Started by miawinter - Last post by Patrick
Thank you mia. She's been added at https://querytracker.net/agent.php?agent=9040

 8 
 on: November 19, 2017, 09:40:08 PM 
Started by atwhatcost - Last post by paddler
There isn't a wrong in queries. Sometimes the voice of a query can allow you to break the accepted rules of a query. The rules for a basic query are what you will most often see in query critiques. At least here. Some sites are more about finding fodder for flame wars, but that is what it is.

Most critiques are about places where you leave unanswered questions. With only somewhere around 250 words to deal with answering those questions take a lot more than an answer. A query is about distilling a story arc and making it enticing.

John Cusick did a nice blog articles about describing a story arc. It is here:

https://johnmcusick.wordpress.com/2015/07/01/a-pretty-much-foolproof-never-fail-silver-bullet-query-opening/

Keep working at it. It takes time to understand a query. I don't but I am starting to understand others comments. I did that by starting another book to force the one I am querying far enough away that I can paint it with a wide brush.

 9 
 on: November 19, 2017, 09:27:41 PM 
Started by jjf3rd77 - Last post by MKWrites_318

In the far future, time travel is as commonplace as the smartphone, and the Wilsons have profited enough from it to be considered demi-gods. "Celebrities" I could understand. "Demi-gods" implies power that needs clarification. When shadows from the past threaten to expose their highly illegal soul trade (You don't have to give it all away but a little bit of definition regarding "the soul trade" wouldn't go amiss.) and destroy their legacy, patriarch Henry Wilson is forced to flee to the past and seek out his younger self's help.

Henry guides his younger self's own rise to power, (I'd find a way to not say "younger self" one time right after the other.) developing a way to manipulate time that has never been done before, breaking every rule in the book. While trying to prevent the scandal he’s tormented by mysterious episodes of Déjà vu that he can’t explain. Word from the future is that a new technology is quickly making time travel obsolete by revealing a deadly conspiracy one thousand years in the making. Both intrigued and confused by this sentence. Not knowing your story, I don't know if there's a way for you to elaborate without giving too much away. Wait and see what others say before you change that for sure.

Past, present, and future collide as Henry is left with a choice to make: protect his family/timeline (I would say "family and timeline." Something about that slash looks a little unprofessional, but that might just be me.) at all costs or continue making even larger changes no matter where or when they might lead.

Israel Falls is an (est) (They know you're rounding.) 80,000-word work of science fiction/fantasy. Definitely say either sci-fi or fantasy. Putting both might make it look like you don't know or are hedging your bets.


It's not bad. Just needs to be tightened up a little bit.

Best of luck!

 10 
 on: November 19, 2017, 09:08:39 PM 
Started by paddler - Last post by MKWrites_318
Mostly general edits largely punctuation and issues with repetition, with a few taste recommendations.


Justin Thomas is an expert on dealing with hazardous waste issues, not bodies. Justin He (Changed it b/c it's a little repetitive sounding to start 2 sentences in a row with Justin.) and his employee, Vicky Volker are blindsided by the freshly murdered body clogging one of their prototype algae control devices. The St. John’s River is the jurisdiction of the Marine Patrol, and they are away on a mission. The locals haven’t the cash flow to duplicate services. The Duval County Sheriff will take the body if he can get boat help, and Justin has one.

Justin is on this trip because he doesn’t like his employees to step alone onto unknown worksites like the facility in Putnam County, their second job of the trip., but  His presence is worthless, though, when Vicky is abducted from almost under his nose. The abduction happens is so quickly and proficiently that it is over before he realizes it was is happening.

The first evidence found is a memento box. Among the items found Within it is an old photo of a woman that could be Vicky’s twin. There is also a booby trap, two glass ampoules filled with possible spores.

Then three empty boxes for those same ampoules are found. The test results of the first ampoules confirm Anthrax. Justin and the Sheriff both see weapons, weapons that metal detectors can’t see, and only need to be broken to activate them. This is nitpicking, but I'd change "to activate them" to something a little more sinister, like "to take lives." What can’t be discounted is the possibility of the sale of the ampoules is on the horizon. The lack of possible support is ominous and there is an urgent feeling that time is of the essence. The underlined portion: We don't know that no one can help with the anthrax in this version. Can I suggest instead something like this: "What can't be discounted is the possibility of the sale of the ampoules. With disaster on the horizon and Vicky still missing, time is of the essence."

I would also change up the last sentence of the 3rd paragraph and the first few sentences of the last:
"...two glass ampoules filled with possible spores. Test results confirm Anthrax.
"When three empty boxes for those same ampoules are found, Justin and the sheriff both see weapons, weapons metal detectors can't see and only need to be broken to activate them."



This is much better and much clearer about the plot and the stakes! Smiley

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