Author Topic: YA dystopia - first few chapters swap  (Read 2188 times)

Offline Wheelsgr

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 58
  • Karma: 37
YA dystopia - first few chapters swap
« on: December 13, 2011, 02:04:49 PM »
Hello there, I have given my first chapters to friends to read but I haven't got responses back from several of them since I sent them out. The ones who have struggled through the quicksand of the first few chapters end up breezing through the rest and really enjoying the ride but I have a problem hooking people in with the first 5-10 chapters. When I read it, I kind of also skip over those first few chapters only because they are so tortured and reworked. Also they were added in retroactively so I feel they may stretch too much.

I obviously need trained eyes to edit down the boring and help make it more snappy and interesting. I also seem to have a heavy hand with the adverbs and they all look necessary to me. I know I'm not making a very enticing case for the story - it's not terrible at all. It's just got these issues that are stopping its true nature from showing.

If you've also got a couple problem-chapters making you nutty, I would be happy to help out as well.

Summary: "25 years after the terrible epidemic that had thrown the entire globe into a post-apocalyptic mess, Amina lands on the hostile coast of Jamaica due to a shipwreck. Though she is Immune, the Islanders would be more likely to shoot her than listen to her explain or demonstrate her Immune powers. Luckily she meets Reece who is also Immune and though he shows no sign of liking her, it's hard to ignore a person you share a telepathic bond with. Once brought to safety and nursed back to health, Amina begins to swap stories with Reece about the rumoured Academy, where V2s live together. Once they make contact, however, they find that they may not be welcome. As the mystery unravels, so does chaos and destruction on the already ravaged planet."

Offline Chekurtab

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 38
  • Karma: 10
Re: YA dystopia - first few chapters swap
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2011, 06:11:26 PM »
I'll swap a few chapters with you. I certainly can read paranormal dystopia. Mine is commercial fiction with paranormal elements. I have a query out there you can check. Please let me know if interested.