Author Topic: The Perfect Cherry  (Read 102581 times)

Offline eallen99

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1002
  • Karma: 1526
  • The Bridgecrosser
    • My Webpage
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #30 on: June 11, 2012, 05:03:08 PM »
"Beaten...or are we getting ahead of our selves?"

Offline lexcade

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2182
  • Karma: 302
  • Me & Michael Myers. SO COOL!
    • Going from Nobody to Somebody
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #31 on: June 11, 2012, 05:08:58 PM »
"Beaten...or are we getting ahead of our selves?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Duality - Edits
WIP: Spark
Outline: Untitled Epic Fantasy, Silver Circle (YA urban fantasy), Siren's Song (YA dystopian)
Back burner: Taming The Ancients

http://lexcade.blogspot.com

Offline eallen99

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1002
  • Karma: 1526
  • The Bridgecrosser
    • My Webpage
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #32 on: June 12, 2012, 06:37:36 AM »
Careful... starting to suspiciously sound just a little like "Twilight"...

Offline bodwen

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3024
  • Karma: 1301
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #33 on: August 28, 2012, 06:06:53 PM »
  “Hello, operator.  I need the police.  I was kidnapped by a lunatic and taken to a hotel.  I managed to escape, and I’m in the stairwell.  I don’t know the name of the hotel but it’s near the Seattle skyline.”
  “Oh, my.  Are you hurt?” the operator asked.  Her matronly voice was filled with concern.
  “Not really,” I said, forgetting the blow to the head.  Probably because I’d taken a blow to the head.  “But the guy is definitely a lunatic.  I’m not saying he should spend his life in prison for this, but a short stay in a nice cushy mental institution would probably do him a world of good.”
   “Can you describe him to me?  Is he white, black, Hispanic...”
   “He’s Christian Grey.”
  There was a long pause at the other end of the line.  “Christian Grey the hot billionaire who uses his enormous wealth to fight world hunger?  The man with the giant yacht with a landing pad for his helicopter.   Time Magazine’s  sexiest billionaire under thirty Christian Grey?”
  “Yeah him.”
  The operator hung up.
  I sighed and started to dress myself while skipping down the steps two at a time before I dialed again.  A younger voice answered.  “911. What’s your emergency?”
  “You have to help me.  I was kidnapped by Christian Grey.”
  “Yeah, and I’ve got Tony Stark tied up in my closet,” she said before she hung up too.
  I tried again.  This time a man answered.  “911, what is your emergency.”
  “Please help.  I’ve been dragged against my will to a hotel penthouse somewhere near the Seattle skyline.”
  The man groaned.  “By any chance, does this have anything to do with publishing mogul Christian Grey.”
  “Yes!”  I screamed.  “Do you get a lot of these calls?”
  “Only from you.”  He said in a curt voice.  “These lines are for emergencies only.  You do realize there are people with legitimate life and death emergencies and they can’t get through while you tie up lines with your prank phone calls?"
  “This isn’t a prank!”
  “Suuuure it’s not,” he said, and hung up.
  I sighed and continued rounding down the stairwell until I was nearly to the ground floor.  It was no use.  Nobody was going to believe me.  The sad fact of the matter was that when it came to lil' ole me vs. a famous billionaire, nobody was going to err on the side of the girl who works at Party City.  And it didn’t help that millions of women would mortgage their houses to bid on his used Kleenex on ebay.  Why, he could probably cut me up me and serve my corpse for dinner and the papers would report me as the crazy woman who climbed into Christian Grey’s oven. 
  I finished dressing and made one last call to Peter Footlong.  Seeing how this was mostly his fault, the least he could do is give me a ride home.

*
  Shari popped open another bottle of white Zin as I described my harrowing adventures to her.  She was dressed in a pair of old jeans and a white top and was placing things into boxes in preparation for her move to NY.  With her family contacts and her 4.0 gpa, she’d managed to land a job with the New York Times, pending our upcoming graduation.  Since I had neither credentials nor influential friends, my post graduation plans involved staying as quiet as possible in the hopes that Shari’s family would forget that I was still living there without her. 
  “So you kicked him in the balls and ran out of there?”
  “Absolutely.”
  “Good for you,” she laughed.  “I wonder if this is going to help or hurt our chances in the contest.”
  I gave her the stink eye.  “You dropped out, remember?”
  She shrugged.  “That we did, but Christian Grey seems to have selective hearing when it comes to us breaking things off.”
  “Isn’t that the truth.”  I said and reached for more wine.
  “By the way, you got a letter from Seattle Independent Publishing.” She said.  "It’s on the end table."
  I picked up the embossed envelope from the highly polished walnut under Shari’s tiffany lamp.  “Must be another rejection letter.  If it were an offer, they would have called or emailed.”
  “Yes, but weren’t you telling me that the Jack Hyde guy who interviewed you was a real strange guy?”
  “No,”   I said as I tore it open.  “I said he gave me the creeps.  There’s a difference.”
  Shari stopped and raised an eyebrow at me, so I explained.  “The guy’s in his forties and married, but he hovers around some barely legal intern named Ana and stares at her ass whenever her back is turned.  Nothing weird about that.  But he’s not someone I could see myself working for either.”
  Shari smiled as she taped a box shut.  “Hey, seeing as how he’s already got both a wife and a girlfriend, you’re probably safe.”
  “Well I’d say it’s a moot point since, in his words:”  I whipped out the letter.  “Dear Fannie:  It was a geniune pleasure talking with you.  In light of your impressive interview and qualifications we would like to offer you a starting salary of $75,000--” 
  I froze as Shari started jumping up and clapping.  “Oh, Fannie!  You got the job!  Congratulations.  When do you start?”
  I read the letter again just to be sure I wasn’t seeing things.  “I’m not.”
  “Huh?  You’re going to turn it down?”
  “Absolutely.  This is way too weird.  Since when can a small press outside of New York pay its entry-level editors that sort of money?  Even the big New York houses don’t pay their entry level editors a living wage and I mean, think about it: they have Seattle and Independent right in the name of the company just in case someone might be confused into taken them seriously."  I crumpled the letter.  "This can’t be on the level, it’s probably a front for some drug ring.”
  Shari pouted.  “So you’re not even going to check it out?  It could make for an interesting article at the very least.”
  I shook my head. “I think I’ve had enough excitement for the month already.”
*
  I was wrong.  I did end up working there.  But in my defense, I had some pretty good motivation.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2013, 05:04:24 PM by bodwen »

Offline Pandean

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8673
  • Karma: 474
  • Panic in human form
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #34 on: April 08, 2014, 06:58:45 PM »
Can someone please continue this? Don't leave me hanging!
WHITE STAG, an internet phenomenon, has been acquired by St. Martin's Press/Wednesday Books for publication in Winter 2019

Offline bodwen

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3024
  • Karma: 1301
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #35 on: April 09, 2014, 11:02:14 AM »
Aw thanks.  You're sweet.  Unfortunately I lost my copy of "Master of the Universe" and don't remember enough about Edward/Christian crashing the graduation and the hostile takeover of her office to give it a proper lampooning.

Offline bodwen

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3024
  • Karma: 1301
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #36 on: September 21, 2014, 03:48:20 PM »
Thanks!

Offline Pandean

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8673
  • Karma: 474
  • Panic in human form
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #37 on: September 21, 2014, 03:50:13 PM »
I still wish I could read more of this. lol.
WHITE STAG, an internet phenomenon, has been acquired by St. Martin's Press/Wednesday Books for publication in Winter 2019

Offline Missus Braidyhead

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1088
  • Karma: 112
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #38 on: September 22, 2014, 04:46:51 PM »
This is so much fun!

Favorite parts:
that he likes to tie women up and do their hair
the woman humping her shopping cart at Party City
the part where Shari wasn't betraying her, but was sticking by her & taking her book out of the contest

Thanks for all that you shared. I squandered a perfectly good writing session to read it, but it was totally worth the laughter.

Offline bodwen

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3024
  • Karma: 1301
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #39 on: September 22, 2014, 04:59:38 PM »
Thanks, guys! 

I accidently purged my copy of the source material, but there are now about 20 copies of 50SoG sitting at the stacks at the library so, if you'd like, I'll grab one this weekend and continue on. 

Offline Pandean

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8673
  • Karma: 474
  • Panic in human form
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #40 on: September 22, 2014, 06:04:29 PM »
Thanks, guys! 

I accidently purged my copy of the source material, but there are now about 20 copies of 50SoG sitting at the stacks at the library so, if you'd like, I'll grab one this weekend and continue on. 

Do it. :)
WHITE STAG, an internet phenomenon, has been acquired by St. Martin's Press/Wednesday Books for publication in Winter 2019

Offline 007 fan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1762
  • Karma: 748
  • Eye right store ease.
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #41 on: September 22, 2014, 06:41:49 PM »
Thanks, guys! 

I accidently purged my copy of the source material, but there are now about 20 copies of 50SoG sitting at the stacks at the library so, if you'd like, I'll grab one this weekend and continue on. 

I'd like it...it was a great read, and hilarious!  I will reread it to refresh myself before the new material shows up since it's been awhile since I read what was here.

I agree with milktoast.  You're a talented writer.

:write:                                                                          :cbash:

Offline Missus Braidyhead

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1088
  • Karma: 112
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #42 on: September 22, 2014, 07:38:20 PM »
Thanks, guys! 

I accidently purged my copy of the source material, but there are now about 20 copies of 50SoG sitting at the stacks at the library so, if you'd like, I'll grab one this weekend and continue on. 

Yeeeah please! Very entertaining!

Offline bodwen

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3024
  • Karma: 1301
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #43 on: September 28, 2014, 01:06:07 AM »
  It finally came.  Graduation day.  Since my last name is Clark, I sat in the middle, with the rest of the C’s.  On either side of me sat two girls, they seemed to know each other since they were talking through me.  Which was really annoying since the seat next to mine was empty so they had to shout.  Peter, of course, sat with the F’s.  Shari would have sat right in front of me, except she was valedictorian so she was sitting up front with the faculty in her fancy purple robes, her pert little nose buried in her commencement speech.  She’d been lipsynching it obsessively for the past week and a half.  I’d offered to listen but she refused, saying she didn’t want to spoil it for me.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her I planned to get in some Candy Crush during most of the ceremony.
  I turned my head back to stare at the crowd.  Ray, my dad, sat in the bleachers along with the other parents.  He waved and I waved back.  He beamed proudly.  Shari’s family was in full attendance. As was Dava, since god forbid, Shari and I share a special occasion without her barging in, just so she can make the conversation all about her when we talk about it over drinks.
  My phone buzzed and I got a text.  I looked down and sure enough, it was from Shari.

NERVOUS?

Y WUD I B?

I KNOW HOW BADLY YOU GET STAGE FRIGHT  : -(

UR THE 1 WIT D SPEECH!!! I thumb typed her back. My job was easy.  Get up there. Grab a scroll.  Shake someone’s hand.  Then leave.  Nobody but Ray would be looking at me.  They'd all be looking at their own kids. Even if I tripped over my own feet and took a swandive off the stage, nobody would notice or care.

OH, RIGHT, DUH!  DO YOU SEE MY BOYFRIEND?  :-)

WICH?  DERS BIN SO MANY  :-/

MY PIPING HOT NY PIZZA BOY OF COURSE!!!  =P

  I looked back and studied the crowd.  No Enrique.  I was getting ready to break the bad news to her when HE showed up and plopped into the seat next to me.
  Angel Clare. A preacher’s son and the man of my dreams.  Angel was the perfect name for him.  He had the face of an angel, and the body of a soccer hooligan.  Which is exactly my type. Don’t judge.  I’d loved him from afar since freshman year, when we were cast together as the leads in Our Town.  Remember how just a few seconds ago you learned I have crippling stage fright?  Yeah. I fought for that part and performed in flawlessly.  I had to.  I needed to follow a script just to talk to Angel Clare at all, since the splendor of his big brown eyes and his farmboy shoulders rendered me a quaking nonverbal wreck.  But the rehearsals scored me a few chaste visits (complete with milk and cookies) in the apartment he shared with three equally pious roommates. That just goes to show you the depths of my devotion. And now, by some magical quirk of the alphabet, we’d be trapped in folding metals chairs for the next three hours with our legs pressed together.
  Screw Candy Crush. Something a lot sweeter just showed up.
  “How’s it going, Fannie?”
  He remembered my name after all these years?  Breathe, Fannie, breathe.  “Great.  And you?”
  He gave me a swaggering smile. “I can’t complain. So, you have any big plans for after graduation?”
  I smirked. “Well, I was just offered a pretty sweet editing job over at Seattle Independent Publishing…”
  “That’s great,” he said, without giving me a chance to tell him I intended to turn it down. “It's good to know where I can look you up.  I’m hopping on a plane tomorrow and flying to Brazil.”
  “Brazil?” I said weakly.
  “Yes, my dad is doing some missionary work out there, so I’m taking some time off before medical school to go help him out.”
  “You’re going to medical school?” I echoed again, hoping my brain would kick in before he mistook me for a parrot.
  “I haven’t picked the school yet, but I’ve been accepted into a few.  Some are around here, some on the east coast...”  He stared at me pointedly.
  “Oh,” I said.
  So this was it.  Just as I was twisting up the courage to talk to Angel Clare, he was leaving forever.   
  I looked over at Shari, rehearsing her speech for the billionth time, and wondered how it was that some people have all the luck and misfits like me were plagued with disappointment and cursed with nonstop misfortune.
  “Have dinner with me,” Angel Clare said.
  I whipped my head around to see who he was talking to.  I was certain it had to be one of the two chatterboxes surrounding us. But when I looked at him, his eyes met mine. “Have dinner with me,” he repeated, as if to remove all doubt.
  “You want to have dinner with me?  Are you serious?”
  He rolled his eyes. “No, of course not. I’d never ask you to dinner, except as a joke.  Unless if by some miracle you’d say yes.  In which case I’m very serious.”
  I started to hyperventilate. “You want to have dinner with me?  Tonight?”
  “Well, I can’t very well have dinner with you tomorrow, can I?”
  Not unless he hogtied me and snuck me onto the plane in his carry-on luggage.  It was a scary thought. I’d been spending too much time around Christian Gray.
  “I’m crazy about you, you know," he said. "I’ve been trying to come up with an excuse to talk to you since freshman year.”
  I made a strangled little laugh. “It’s a little late in the game, isn’t it?”
  He shrugged.  “This is the only way I could work up the courage.  After all, if you’d slapped me across the face, at least I wouldn’t have to worry about running into you on campus.”
  “Me?  Slap you?” I was tempted to slap myself just then, to convince myself this wasn’t a dream. “I’m supposed to have dinner with my dad.”
  “Oh, course.  Family’s in town—“
  “It’s ok, I'll ask him for a raincheck,” I said, texting Ray furiously.  “He’ll understand. He wants grandchildren--”  I turned as bright scarlet as the red flags that last statement must have raised in Angel's mind. I would have backpedaled and explained that I only said that because I haven’t dated in so long that my dad is starting to get the wrong idea about my constantly sponging off Shari and wearing her clothing all the time, had I not realized that wouldn't make me sound any less creepy.
  Fortunately Angel smiled. “You are so funny.  And cute and nice. There’s never a dull moment when you’re around.”
  My blush reddened. Angel Clare thinks I’m cute. “You really think I’m nice?”
  “You’re the nicest girl I know. And you’ve got character. All the girls I’ve dated are so boring compared to you. I should have asked you out ages ago, but I was petrified you’d say no.”
  The very thought made me laugh uncontrollably. “You thought I’d say no?  To you?”  I slapped his knee and laughed so hard I barely noticed the phone in my lap was buzzing.
  “You’d better get that,” Angel said.  “It’s probably your dad. Texting you back about the change in plans.”
  I raised the phone between us in case Ray typed something crude.  But it wasn’t from Ray at all.  It was from Shari.
  HOLY CRAP!  LOOK WHO IS ON THE STAGE!!!
  A sick feeling spread through my torso. I didn’t have to look, a part of me already knew what I’d see.  But I decided to look anyway.
  Christian stood out, quite literally, on the stage in a custom-made gray suit, his copper highlights glistening. A silver tie knotted about his neck.  He was starting right at me and Angel, his head swaying almost unperceptively from side to side.  His hand at his side twitching every so softly.
  “Hey, look,” Angel said with complete innocence. I think that’s billionaire philanthropist mogul Christian Gray.”

  And that’s when the dream morphed into a nightmare.
« Last Edit: September 28, 2014, 01:50:38 AM by bodwen »

Offline 007 fan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1762
  • Karma: 748
  • Eye right store ease.
Re: The Perfect Cherry
« Reply #44 on: September 28, 2014, 02:52:38 AM »
OMG!    :clap:   Thanks for a new installment!  Brilliant!  You HAVE to keep adding to this!   :yes:
« Last Edit: September 28, 2014, 02:55:31 AM by ece007 »
:write:                                                                          :cbash: