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Author Topic: The Oxyclean Ultimatum  (Read 2247 times)
Traxwest
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« on: May 01, 2013, 12:30:29 AM »

Dear Agent:
Billy Mays here, back from the dead, with a book you will find irresistible for two great reasons! First, Oxyclean works like magic! Second, and most important, I'm dead! Like a door nail! My book will appeal to housewives, clean freaks, and zombies!
So what are you waiting for? If you sign me up now, you'll get, not just The Oxyclean Ultimatum, oh no! I'll send you my newest YA grabber, The Magic Putty Solution! How many ways can Magic Putty be used? Glad you asked! Condom broken? No need to run to Walgreens! MagicPutty does it all!
So, get right back to me at The Happy Memorial Park and Drive-in, and I'll get those out to YOU right away! Just pay for the additional shipping and handling.
Thank You!
Billy Mays, aka, Walking Dead
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oldbag
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Which button do I push to take the damn picture?


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« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2013, 08:40:02 AM »

(Calm down, Ike, you're just having a nightmare...)

Actually, if you could finagle a premise here, this is not so bad.  What if you don't go the zombie route, (just spirits) and take us through the corporate controlled afterlife? ("Hey, St. Peter...  How do you keep those robes so white?)

-oldbag
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1 Malooga, 4 Loogas
www.getahubby.com (an advice column)
Traxwest
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« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2013, 01:05:53 PM »

The St. Peter thing is great!
I miss ol' Billy.  He was really good at selling crap.
Hope he gets his books published.
Traxy
« Last Edit: May 02, 2013, 01:13:08 PM by Traxwest » Logged
Tabris
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« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2013, 02:48:35 PM »

Ooh, that gives me an idea:

---

Dear Agent:

Over 39 billion people worldwide are dead, which is a HUGE market for my new book "So, You've Just Died: The Complete Guide To Being Dead." In my 55,000-word how-to book, I take the deceased person through the various stages of being dead, from "barely warm" to "I'm sure I left my head around here somewhere."

I was born in 1359 and died in a plague. I've had almost seven centuries' experience being dead, making me the perfect person to write this book.

Sincerely,
Hrothgar M. Bagnar
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Come visit my weblog!
AvO
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« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2013, 05:29:33 PM »

Be careful, a book this good could increase the suicide rate. Or can you still read it while alive?
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