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Author Topic: IDevil's Hollow Elevator Pitch  (Read 3071 times)
scribo
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« on: June 18, 2013, 06:40:31 PM »

Since I asked Patrick for the section, I'm swallowing my terror and posting, as if I were at that (sadly) pre-drink moment:

"So, (Oh God, Ms. Agent, I’m so glad I ran into you!), my novel is _Devil’s Hollow_. It’s a story about love, genocide, and second chances.

There’s this 200 year old memoire that tells about an Indian man and a white woman and what happens to them in the early years of the United States. A 21st century woman reads the memoire and realizes it is a catalyst for change in her own life."
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“Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinion of others.” <br />― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own
scribo
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« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2013, 06:50:05 PM »

Of course I KNOW the it should be American Indian or Native American. It is difficult to know whether to use the currently politically-acceptable term or the one that was used back in the day. Always am confused. innocent
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“Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinion of others.” <br />― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own
LittleKiwi
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« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2013, 03:38:23 AM »

Since I asked Patrick for the section, I'm swallowing my terror and posting, as if I were at that (sadly) pre-drink moment:

"So, (Oh God, Ms. Agent, I’m so glad I ran into you!), my novel is _Devil’s Hollow_. It’s a story about love, genocide, and second chances. I'd cut this. You have so little time and it's not telling us anything specific to your story. This could be one of so many others.

There’s this 200 year old memoire Would it be a memoir, not a diary or something? that tells about an Indian man To avoid confusion, I'd say Native American. When I first read this the first thought I was wondering when Indians from India first set foot in the States. and a white woman and what happens to them in the early years of the United States. A 21st century woman reads the memoire and realizes it is a catalyst for change in her own life."


I think you have a lot of words in there that you could do without. This is what I got from what you've said:

When (insert name) finds a 200 year old diary, the tale of a Native American man and a white woman becomes a catalyst for change in her own life.

The fact that it's 200 years old tells us it's from an earlier time period, you don't need to clarify that. I also think you need to add how it is a catalyst for change. I've read stories like this over the years, but they've always had something distinctive about them and at the moment this doesn't really stand out.

Hope this helps Smiley
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scribo
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« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2013, 09:37:30 AM »

Helpss a lOT--thank you!!  Smiley
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“Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinion of others.” <br />― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own
Ankalegon(DTL)
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« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2013, 02:23:15 PM »

River -
http://querytracker.net/forum/index.php?topic=14284.0
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scribo
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« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2013, 03:54:46 PM »

Here goes the newest version. As I've said elsewhere in the QT Forum, this is really hard.
Thanks in advance for your suggestions.

"When Amanda Hutchinson finds a 200 year old memoire, the story of a Native American man and a white woman enchants her. The loss, hatred, and violence she reads of/encounters becomes a catalyst for change in her own life."
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“Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinion of others.” <br />― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own
scribo
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« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2013, 03:38:37 PM »

I think this is closer to what the story is about. Having a hard time with this! help

"When Amanda Hutchinson finds a 200 year old memoire, the story of the Native American man and white woman enchants her. The courage demonstrated in the face of loss, hatred, and violence becomes a catalyst for change in Amanda's own life."
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“Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinion of others.” <br />― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own
KimE
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« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2013, 05:54:56 PM »

A question: what is going on in Amanda's life that reading the journal causes her to change or re evaluate?
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I am burdened with glorious purpose.
scribo
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« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2013, 04:19:55 PM »

Hi Flagirl, I've been blocked for a number of days and didn't see your post until now.

Amanda is deeply, though not clinically, depressed. Her husband believes that she is worthless and can do very little right. She is terrified about the mental health of her 13 year old son. She reads the journal and learns how a young woman from another age faces larger challenges than she and sucessfully faces them and reinvents herself after all of it. Amanda takes courage because of what she reads.
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“Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinion of others.” <br />― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own
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