This isn’t the worst query since my first query attempt holds that title. But it’s up there.
Dear Mrs Agent.
Please don’t think I'm insincere with this compliment but you are hot! Seriously you could have had a great career as a centerfold model! If you ever in the area give me a jingle 123-456-7890 and we could meet to discuss my book and get to know each other better , maybe a lot better, if you know what I mean. ;)
Well any way, you don’t know it yet but if we can work out a suitable financial package you are about to represent the next best selling author of all time! I’m sure you heard that before but honestly with me it’s true.
My book is supremely interesting, very very very exciting, and people are just going to love it. It’s about me. It’s called ME. The insights I go into about being me, and the things that have happened to me, is just going to touch people and amaze them like never before. It’s all there from birth, early childhood, grade school, etc. But it really gets interesting when I start talking about the girlfriends I’ve had. Every steamy detail, and every failure they had in being a good girlfriend are written about. This is going to be a series (who knows maybe you’ll end up in my next book ;)
At 20,000 words it may be alittle short , but people today want short books, they just don’t have the attention span or time to read much more. Besides I figured you could hire a photographer and we could fill it out with pictures of me.
I’ve enclosed the book, so know you are going to be the first lucky person to read it, and trust me it is that good nothing will need to be changed.
So give me a call tomorrow 123-456-7890 so we can talk money and set up a time to meet in my hometown.
Did I mention you are hot?