To Whom It May Concern
Ever considered a book about bad men doing bad things? I have one.
Starts out with my secondary character Johnny Wasabadguy stealing crayons from other kids in kindergarten. This character grows up to be one bad dude. Eventually he gets life in prison and we never hear from him again. But he sets the stage.
Meanwhile his old gang, the Peppermint Patties, join the Mormon Church for fun and move to Utah. On their way there, they meet Princess Roadkill who is a witch from outer space. Being a naive bunch of bad people, they naively turn over their Sam's Club credit cards to the naive-bad-people sucking credit card witch. She conjures up all kinds of trouble and puts it on their cards. Walmart sends a bunch of old people greeters to track her down. But their scooters don't do well in the desert. It's heart wrenching.
Left behind, Grandma Kleptomaniac gets a liver transplant and becomes a zombie. It's hell in the nursing home,
believe you me. Especially when she eats everyone's deserts while the nurse is diddling herself in the bathroom. Err, diddling with her hair in the bathroom, same thing.
My main POV character, Amanda, a twelve year old rocket scientist with a time machine made out of wire coat hangers and dental floss, you can see she's really brilliant, only has one line of dialogue but it's a scorcher, "Hasta LaVista, Grandma" before her troubles get worse when she launches her eighteen cats into the past. To the Boxer Rebellion to be exact. And those big dogs, boxers, party all night with the kitties creating a void in the time-space continuum. Amanda, distraught and hung over, follows the cats into the past and can't return. But Superman arrives just in time to save her. Only he doesn't. I'll explain later.
I need your advice on an ending that pulls all of these threads together. Thanks. I hope you're not one of those chicks that wear glasses.
PS- I don't have a computer so I will forward you the 678,923 napkins I have poured my heart and soul into. Please send me postage.
PPS- They may be out of order.
I have other offers so don't wait too long to RSVP.