Dear Agent:
I've been writing my new sure-to be best-selling book, LANGUAGE IS NO BARRIER for the last 6 years, and finally feel you are worthy enough to read it. I suggest you snatch it up quickly, as the other 50 agents I have CC'd into this email are going to start fighting for it once they begin to read my genius.
In the year 3013, after the thousand-year-war, it has been determined that the main cause for war is the language barrier between countries. Thus, the governments of all the countries decide to do away with language completely, and now humanity speaks in one universal jumble of letters like, "zs;djgaopgjase]-gekag]asdg".
Mary Christmas (this is a real name! I went to school with a girl who had this name!) is the only human who remembers how beautiful the english language used to be, as she has many old, dusty and crumbling Twilight books hidden in her closet given to her by her mother right before she died from the plague (yes! the plague is back!) on Mary's 16th birthday, coughing up blood and mucus. Every night Mary sits and reads her books, hoping for the day humanity will come to its senses and start speaking like Edward and Bella. When Mary meets Patrick Day, he tells her instantly, "fmjsdvkavsoavjqweasf,fadasaad" and she falls head over heels. She vows then and there to marry him. But first, she must teach him to speak normally - if only he knew how to read.
LANGUAGE IS NO BARRIER is a 200,000 novel about love in a time with no words, and was the result of my eight cats walking back and forth over the keyboard (I credit them in the acknowledgements, of course. Though, Binky, a persian tabby was really the genius of the piece). It is a Young Adult Dystopian Paranormal Romance with elements of Horror, Fantasy, and Science Fiction (oh! Did I mention there are ghosts and aliens? Cause they are in there, too! They also speak like, "hsjfasfasf=-sffsd" thanks to Binky and friends.) It is book one of a nineteen part series. It is comparable to "War and "Peace" and "The Shining".
You appreciate my time, I'm sure. I'm sitting by the phone with Binky now, waiting to hear from you. Ow! He just scratched me. Stupid cat.
Thank you,
A. Cat Lady
