Author Topic: Patrick has magic powers  (Read 5514 times)

Offline justwrite

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Patrick has magic powers
« on: July 06, 2007, 05:52:42 PM »
 :bow:

Yep it's true...I got a THIRD request for a partial. From Laura Bradford! :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
That makes: Krisin Nelson, Joe Veltre and now Laura.

This is since Monday. Something weird is going on. I have only one answer...Patrick is the wizard from Oz. Every time he gives me a karma point...POOF I get a partial request.

Okay...just kidding. But is it possible for a website to be LUCKY? I never had a single bite on my query until I started hanging out on this website...(hmmmm a new story premise).

Well whatever the reason..I think I'll post the query that's hauling them in.

Offline Patrick

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Re: Patrick has magic powers
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2007, 06:12:47 PM »
Did you make changes to the query based on the critique you got from this board?  I hope we can say that that is the reason.

Offline justwrite

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Re: Patrick has magic powers
« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2007, 07:39:17 PM »
Well..two were from my original version and the one I just got had Senshi's and your ideas applied. I'll post them both later...

Offline Cole Gibsen

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Re: Patrick has magic powers
« Reply #3 on: July 06, 2007, 10:13:00 PM »
oh yea, we helped! :p2:
May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face,and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may no spiders fall on your head.

website: www.colegibsen.com
blog: www.colegibsen.blogspot.com

Offline Patrick

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Re: Patrick has magic powers
« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2007, 10:32:23 PM »
And I see Senshi reached her 50 posts and uploaded a custom avatar.  Way to go.   :clap:  That makes you a full member.

Offline justwrite

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Re: Patrick has magic powers
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2007, 12:04:34 AM »
We meaning you and the fetus, or you and the cheering smileys?   ;D

Here's the original...the one that got my two partials: What's really funny is that I queried her TWICE the same night by mistake!!! With two slightly different versions. (fortunately I didn't put in the other agents name! but one I called contemporary YA fantasy and the other dark urban). She responded to the MISTAKE!!! Is that funny or what? So we're talking 3 different versions of the query. With different labels. Two were labelled paranormal thriller and one dark urban fantasy. Hmmmmm. Something to think about.

Here's the one to Kristin and Joe Veltre. It has much more detail.:

Dear Ms. Nelson,

By dawn's light of the 171st day of your Seventeenth year, The Circle must be rejoined.
Day 35.[/i]
For blank, the ominous emails that appear and vanish on their own are just the beginning.
In Blank, a 74,557 word YA paranormal thriller, two teens, overweight Blank and her blind cousin Blink, learn they are the kidnapped heirs of the Circle, a secret society of modern day Druids, guardians of Earth's natural magic.

Soon after the emails begin, Blank finds her lipsticks arranged in a standing circle on her dresser. Circles are showing up everywhere, even in a strange rash on Blank's arm. With the Circle coming to reclaim its lost children, Blink, they learn, is their chosen Ascendant, safe-keeper of the Earth spirit's destructive aspect, Kali the Destroyer. But the enemies of the Circle crave the Earth's wild power, too, and Blink struggles to keep the raging force he harbors under control. With the clock ticking as Nature's delicate balance inches toward destruction, Blank must reunite Blink with the Circle and bind Kali's fury before it's too late.

Mixing legends both actual and imagined in a contemporary setting, Blank is ultimately about finding the strength to meet life's challenges head on and trusting your heart to lead you to the right choices. A member of SCBWI and two online critique groups, I am employed as an associate professor of graphic design.

You are one of the select agents I am querying at this time. I would be happy to mail or forward the full or partial manuscript upon your request.


Thank you for your time and consideration!

Here's the one to Laura Bradford: (this one had Patrick and Senshi's input, along with one of my critique-mates)

Dear Ms. Bradford,

Overweight Blank and her blind adoptive cousin Blink discover their lives are a sham. Kidnapped as young children, their real families murdered, the Circle, a secret society of modern-day Druids steps forward to claim the teens as their lost children, heirs to Nature's powerful magic. But can they trust the Circle, either?

Blink is the Circle's Ascendant, safe-keeper of the destructive aspect of Earth's magic, the power their adoptive parents were trying to steal. Now the dark force buried within Blink is killing him. As Nature's delicate balance inches toward annihilation, Blank and Blink must help rejoin the Circle to save him - and the planet.

Blank, a 74,000 word edgy YA contemporary fantasy, blends myth, invented and authentic. Ultimately, Blank is about finding the strength to meet life's challenges head on and trusting your heart to lead you to the right choices.

Since you have expressed interest in YA, romance and fantasy, I believe Blank might be a good match for you. I would be happy to provide a partial or full manuscript for your consideration. Thank you for your valuable time!




So go figure. I guess as long as the basic formula is in place (hook, minisynopsis, wrap up with bio info and hey I think you are great and want you to rep me) if the premise is interesting and the query clear and well-written it should get some bites. Now the hard part...the writing is what has to clinch the deal. Wish me luck!!!

Offline coll

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Re: Patrick has magic powers
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2007, 11:14:17 AM »
Congrats!!!!

That's so weird that she would make a request from one query but not the other.  I have a partial out now with Eric Meyers from Spieler. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. He was the first agent to get my new and improved query letter. Maybe I should requery all my passes with my better letter?


Coll
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Offline justwrite

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Re: Patrick has magic powers
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2007, 11:46:14 AM »
I wouldn't. I think it was just one of those things. Maybe she never opened the other one! They were sent 2 hours apart. Check out my response to your other post. You're in for a shock.