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Author Topic: SALT AND SAND elevator pitch  (Read 4190 times)
Pandean
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« on: February 13, 2014, 06:57:05 PM »

So, if anyone has been wondering why I've not been on that much lately, the reason is is because I'm researching for a new novel that I somehow have not lost the spark for despite having the idea a couple weeks ago and not writing it because I am very certain I need to do research for it. (Knock on wood that I don't loose the spark).

So, the past few weeks I've been reading a crapload of things about High/Epic Fantasy (I honestly don't know which one mine counts as since they're almost the same but differ slightly) and buying/reading multiple books on Medieval history (there are a load of people named Baldwin in Medieval history for some reason--especially during the Crusades. Must've been a popular name.), Medieval life and culture (Did you know that in the later 1300s the clothes for men were more sexualized than women? For that time period, anyway.) and learning battle tactics via reading The Art of War by Sun Tzu. (Which is a freakin' awesome book by the way).

So I have been getting learned.

And now I'm almost ready write the story! And so I decided to come up with an elevator pitch for it, for when people ask me about it.

So...here it is. If you could, please help me with it.

__

Seventeen-year-old Eisa Lin is the last living heir for the King's Jade Throne--and the only one in the kingdom who would rather die than rule.
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LaraEwrites
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« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2014, 07:03:19 PM »

This sounds really good! The pitch sounds great.  Thumbs Up
The only thing, and I am not really sure about it, is whether or not you would spell 17 yo like this: Seventeen year-old, or how you spelled it.
Other than that, great job Smiley
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Pandean
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« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2014, 07:29:34 PM »

This sounds really good! The pitch sounds great.  Thumbs Up
The only thing, and I am not really sure about it, is whether or not you would spell 17 yo like this: Seventeen year-old, or how you spelled it.
Other than that, great job Smiley

Thanks! And I'm not quite sure about the 17yo thing myself. I've always saw it spelt like that so...yeah. But if it's not, I can change it no problem!
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MookyMcD
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« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2014, 08:30:20 PM »

Although I hate the way it looks, seventeen-year-old is a compound adjective and needs to be hyphenated the way you have it.

Screw that spark thing, too. Your story isn't some kind of ephemeral butterfly that will die if you breathe on it wrong. It's a fire. Dump a crapload of wood on it, flare it up, let the wood burn, throw more on, turn that spark into a mass of glowing hot coals that will melt pennies if you throw them on there. Then throw some more wood on it.  flame toast

eta -- and don't worry about what your elevator pitch is until you've written it. At least, if you write anything like I do.
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Pandean
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« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2014, 08:54:31 PM »

Although I hate the way it looks, seventeen-year-old is a compound adjective and needs to be hyphenated the way you have it.

Screw that spark thing, too. Your story isn't some kind of ephemeral butterfly that will die if you breathe on it wrong. It's a fire. Dump a crapload of wood on it, flare it up, let the wood burn, throw more on, turn that spark into a mass of glowing hot coals that will melt pennies if you throw them on there. Then throw some more wood on it.  flame toast

eta -- and don't worry about what your elevator pitch is until you've written it. At least, if you write anything like I do.

Haha, thanks for the advice, Mooky.

And I like to make the pitch/query before I write it. It's helpful for me.
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Brachistochrone
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« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2014, 09:18:23 PM »

Amazing coincidence. I was just saying to someone, what if baby George doesn't want to be the king of England some day?

And I thought about how awful it would be if the one life you would be getting to live was pre-mapped to that degree.
Doesn't matter how much money or might it comes with, it's still not your idea, and possibly a fate that doesn't go at all with who you really are at heart. It still has me pondering.

So I think this is a good pitch.
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Pandean
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« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2014, 09:27:03 PM »

Amazing coincidence. I was just saying to someone, what if baby George doesn't want to be the king of England some day?

And I thought about how awful it would be if the one life you would be getting to live was pre-mapped to that degree.
Doesn't matter how much money or might it comes with, it's still not your idea, and possibly a fate that doesn't go at all with who you really are at heart. It still has me pondering.

So I think this is a good pitch.

Danke. And haha, that's funny!

Gods, I couldn't be a queen.
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tb.tallbird
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« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2014, 12:20:26 AM »

 clap Hey Kodi, count me in as loving that pitch!

Although I hate the way it looks, seventeen-year-old is a compound adjective and needs to be hyphenated the way you have it.
 

Thanks for clearing this up, Mooky. I alway wondered how to do that myself.
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« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2014, 08:39:29 AM »

I write my query first, too.  I find if I can't write the query first, the book is going nowhere. 

Anyway, I like this pitch and I like your query.  Sounds like a good story, Kodi!  Glad you're having fun with the research! I wondered where you were!
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Pandean
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« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2014, 09:06:58 AM »

I write my query first, too.  I find if I can't write the query first, the book is going nowhere. 

Anyway, I like this pitch and I like your query.  Sounds like a good story, Kodi!  Glad you're having fun with the research! I wondered where you were!

Yay! (And yeah, same with me).

It's funny, I got private messages wondering where I was and if I was okay. It's made me realize that I spend quite a lot of time on here. Lol.
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MichelleG
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« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2014, 11:27:37 PM »

I think it sounds really interesting.

I don't think it matters how you spell out the age - I believe an elevator pitch would be delivered verbally.

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Pandean
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Panic in human form


« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2014, 12:09:56 AM »

I think it sounds really interesting.

I don't think it matters how you spell out the age - I believe an elevator pitch would be delivered verbally.



I posted the query/first chapter if you want to see it. Smiley
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« Reply #12 on: February 25, 2014, 12:30:55 PM »

__

Seventeen-year-old Eisa Lin is the last living heir for the King's Jade Throne--and the only one in the kingdom who would rather die than rule.


To preface, I think this reads well and enjoyed the pitch.

The only issue I have (and unless the agent is a lawyer, I doubt they'll pick up on this) is the "last living heir" bit here. It doesn't actually make sense. The issue is the "last living" modifier. An heir has to be alive to inherit, so the "living" is confusing since it's implicit in the word. And from what I remember about property/intestacy law, there is no first/last heir-- all heirs inherit at the death of the person passing on their estate/property.

But, that's boring property law, and I think most people wouldn't bat an eye at how your pitch as you've written it. Just wanted to flag in case the agents whom you're trying to pitch are lawyers who might care about this stuff.

Cheers and good luck!
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