Dear Stupid Agent

Dear Esteemed Literary Agent,

I've finally finished my novel THE KINKY PROSTITUTE (COPYRIGHT/ALL RIGHTS RESERVED). Well, I thought of it all out, but it should only take me this weekend to do, because I'm going to take off work early friday. The Kinky Prostitute (COPYRIGHT) is a true life memoir of yours truely. It all starts when I dropped out of school last year because my English teacher was being stupid. I already speak Engwish, so why can't I spell a sentance? I don't know. I just hate anyone who trys to judge my work, because they're going against the will of God, and only he can judge.

The Kinky Prostitute (COPYWRITE) takes place in a supermarket. I was standing next to some banana's and cucumbers when my second cousin twice removed on my mother's side walked up to me and stopped on his left foot. Wow, I can't believe a week has passed. I know you can't tell but I stopped writing this- I needed a break. Too much writing bores me and makes me want to cut my eyes out with razor blades. Good news tho, I made like $50 bucks at work this week. It's a record! But I bet there will be a lot more commas after that once you sign me and get it published, hopefully by next month.

Anyways, so that guy came up to me with a banana and said "Hey, let me see what you can do with this."

You'll have to read the rest of my book The Kinky Prostitute (COPYRIGHTED/ALL RIGHTS RESERVED) to find out what happens! I would tell you but I don't want you to take my idea and sell it. And if you want to read the manuscript, you'll have to fly from California to my house in Maine to read it. I live in the distant country, and I'll take it out of my safe, where I keep my fully loaded guns, so you can read it and love it. I promise you. You. WILL. Love. It. I just know it. This book is a bullet to the top of the charts, and this bullet has your name on it. COME TO MY HOUSE TO READ MY MANUSCRIPT! (Did I mention it was copywrited? COPYRIGHT)