Author Topic: Dark Detective - An Action Filled Thrill Ride!  (Read 3138 times)

Offline SJordanBaker

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Dark Detective - An Action Filled Thrill Ride!
« on: March 23, 2014, 04:20:47 AM »
Dear to whom it may concern,

Are you ready for the engiest dectective novel you've ever read? Pull on an adult diaper (You're gonna need it!) and hold on tight!

Meet John Edgestone, a detective in NYC. He gets assigned all the toughest cases because everyone knows he's the only man who can handle them. Everyone steps away when he enters the police HQ place because he's so tough that his toughness vibes scare them. He wears black leather jackets, smokes lots of cigaretts, and loves to rub his chin stubble. He's often seen at a local dive bar, getting lots of free whiskies because he's good friends with the bartender. He drinks a lot because he's killed a zillion people and his girlfriend is always nagging at him. One day he gets assigned a new case and a new partner, Mary McTatas. John must now put up with this prissy college grad following him around and pretending not to be scared of (and turned on by) him. He's working on the case and his car explodes which also explodes the plot! This dark detective must now discover who tried to kill him!

He discovers that the Crime Boss of NYC is plotting to kill him. He's got to go to seedy parts of town, save Mary McTatas from being kidnapped/mugged/killed, talk to scary (but not as scary as him) people. He talks to one of the Crime Boss's pawns (who has hair oil and aftershave and mustaches and does that thing with the coin in his fingers) in a bar but then they flip out because he's getting too close to solving the case and he gets shot! He's so tough that he doesn't let if phase him. After he kills the bad people and saves the day, he and Mary go back to her place where she throws herself at him and rips off her clothes. He tells her to control her whoremones and pulls the bullet out of his chest with his fingers. He pours VODKA on the wound before bandaging it up! BTW agent, there's lots of blood in this book!

The book is concluded by John Edgstone finding out that the Crime Boss is actually his father! This dark hero cannot save his father from an exploding building and yells at the sky in ri-chus (how do you spell that?) anger and resentment.

There is a minimum of a $50,000 cash advance for this book, so if you don't think you're skilled enough to negotiate that, go look for a less awesome book.


Offline 007 fan

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Re: Dark Detective - An Action Filled Thrill Ride!
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2014, 06:02:04 PM »
'Whoremones' slayed me!  Haha
:write:                                                                          :cbash: