Dearest Agent,
Hi, I just know that my query is gonna blow your socks away! HA hA! And if you don't answer my query ASAP I am gonna stalk your building until you do. Threaten you with a bulk full of query letters full of cockroaches' pictures in your email and postal address.
And if you dare block my email, that will only make me change email after email until you ANSWER ME!
I spent my whole life writing this book "Silly Beautiful Crazy cockroaches" I only finished it an hour ago. It is better than Gone With the Wind, Harry Potter, and The Outsiders together.
It is about a romantic fling about beautiful cockroaches that turn into crazy serial killers out to eradicate the whole human race. Ha Ha.
You have never ever read a book like my masterpiece before and never ever will!
"Silly Beautiful Crazy Cockroaches" is complete at a million words, half a million pictures, and I guarantee you that it will be number one on the New York times and USA Today list this Christmas.
I have included my whole manuscript, my picture, my cell, home, and fax numbers and my email address and P.O Box.
Thank you for your wonderful consideration, dearest Agent. I hope to call you, see you, and definitely work with you at MY earliest convenience.
yours truly,
A very desperate, depressed, psychotic yet-to-be- best-selling author.
