FlyingViking
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Bold, but with a hint of whimsy
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« on: June 18, 2015, 01:03:45 PM » |
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Ugh...putting together an Excel spreadsheet for our esteemed Chairman of the BoredBoard, and somewhat inspired by We Shall Not Be Removed, came up with this:
Dear agent:
Jonathan Daggerman is an aspiring writer, who has just completed his very first novel, a 90,000 word mystery titled DEATH OF AN AGENT. Jonathan has a secret, though. Jonathan researches his murder mysteries by murdering people for real.
Following the paths of many great authors, Jonathan starts to query literary agents to find suitable representation for his masterpiece. But soon Jonathan is faced with the harsh reality: his novel is rejected by the top agents in the field, either by sending an insulting form letter or simply by ignoring it. By going silent. It is the silence Jonathan cannot stand. To Jonathan, it is a deathly silence.
In a nondescript office in a New York City office building, an agent reads an email and then hits the delete button. After a moment, the silence is broken by the swish of a blade, followed by the splatter of warm blood on the surface of the desk.
DEATH OF AN AGENT is a 90,000-word completed murder mystery. It may be the last manuscript you ever reject.
Thank you for your time and attention.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Daggerman
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When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
- Leonardo da Vinci
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Dani Donegan (Cradle)
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« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2015, 01:06:56 PM » |
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O___________________O Wowza.  |
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 The Zero Maker, YA Horror 63k Twitter: @A_ChristineD |
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Falthor
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« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2015, 01:11:24 PM » |
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I sonehow think that this actually would find representation pretty easily. :-)
Simple, to the point, and a massive hook. I actually like this a lot.
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“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”
-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
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FlyingViking
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Bold, but with a hint of whimsy
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« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2015, 01:16:52 PM » |
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Not a hook, more of a slice...  |
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When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
- Leonardo da Vinci
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Darkoblitzer
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« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2015, 04:40:34 PM » |
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Lol that's awesome and probably something that'd keep their lights on at night. |
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Falthor
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« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2015, 04:52:34 PM » |
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I really think this is a book someone needs to write... seriously.
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“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”
-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
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McG
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« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2015, 08:18:12 PM » |
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I'd read it! Haha, I wonder what an agent would do if they read this. Especially with the "It may be the last manuscript you ever reject," line. I also like the "Dagger" in "Daggerman." Nice touch.
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"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers." -Charles W. Eliot
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Falthor
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« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2015, 09:21:24 PM » |
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if nothing else comes up I'm seriously going to take a "Stab" at this next if no one minds...
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“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”
-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
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FlyingViking
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Bold, but with a hint of whimsy
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« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2015, 10:23:14 PM » |
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I'd read it! Haha, I wonder what an agent would do if they read this. Especially with the "It may be the last manuscript you ever reject," line. I also like the "Dagger" in "Daggerman." Nice touch.
Thank you. I'm afraid that he/she may call the FBI...  |
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When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
- Leonardo da Vinci
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FlyingViking
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Bold, but with a hint of whimsy
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« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2015, 10:24:18 PM » |
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if nothing else comes up I'm seriously going to take a "Stab" at this next if no one minds...
Go right ahead...but query it at your own risk!  |
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When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
- Leonardo da Vinci
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Xalcon
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« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2015, 07:50:25 AM » |
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I was a bit concerned and missed the Worst Query Letters tag when I saw this in my unread topics.
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BeronikaKeres
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« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2015, 11:36:42 AM » |
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This gave me a good laugh. Just imagining an agent reading this query and then looking behind them in fear... o.o |
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Wordwise
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« Reply #12 on: January 12, 2017, 09:36:54 AM » |
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Terrorist threat? |
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Steven Hutson
Literary agent
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GoldyGirl
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Without darkness, there is no light.
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« Reply #13 on: January 12, 2017, 11:10:35 PM » |
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It may be the last manuscript you ever reject.
HA  Best ending to a query that I have ever read. |
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« Last Edit: January 12, 2017, 11:13:28 PM by GoldyGirl »
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 "We all die. The goal isn't to live forever. The goal is to create something that will." -Chuck Palahniuk |
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FlyingViking
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Bold, but with a hint of whimsy
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« Reply #14 on: January 26, 2017, 03:51:19 PM » |
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Hot damn. For a 'World's Worst', this letter was pretty spectacular. Is it wrong of me to want to read the manuscript too? Only if you're an agent! |
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When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
- Leonardo da Vinci
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