Author Topic: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT  (Read 36729 times)

Offline FlyingViking

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Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« on: June 18, 2015, 01:03:45 PM »
Ugh...putting together an Excel spreadsheet for our esteemed Chairman of the BoredBoard, and somewhat inspired by We Shall Not Be Removed, came up with this:

Dear agent:

Jonathan Daggerman is an aspiring writer, who has just completed his very first novel, a 90,000 word mystery titled DEATH OF AN AGENT.  Jonathan has a secret, though.  Jonathan researches his murder mysteries by murdering people for real.

Following the paths of many great authors, Jonathan starts to query literary agents to find suitable representation for his masterpiece.  But soon Jonathan is faced with the harsh reality: his novel is rejected by the top agents in the field, either by sending an insulting form letter or simply by ignoring it.  By going silent.  It is the silence Jonathan cannot stand.  To Jonathan, it is a deathly silence.

In a nondescript office in a New York City office building, an agent reads an email and then hits the delete button.  After a moment, the silence is broken by the swish of a blade, followed by the splatter of warm blood on the surface of the desk.

DEATH OF AN AGENT is a 90,000-word completed murder mystery.  It may be the last manuscript you ever reject.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Daggerman
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.

  - Leonardo da Vinci

CradleOfInsanity

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2015, 01:06:56 PM »
O___________________O


Wowza.


 :clap:

Offline Falthor

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2015, 01:11:24 PM »
I sonehow think that this actually would find representation pretty easily. :-)

Simple, to the point, and a massive hook. I actually like this a lot.
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Offline FlyingViking

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2015, 01:16:52 PM »
Not a hook, more of a slice...   ;D
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.

  - Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Darkoblitzer

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2015, 04:40:34 PM »
Lol that's awesome and probably something that'd keep their lights on at night.  :clap:

Offline Falthor

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2015, 04:52:34 PM »
I really think this is a book someone needs to write...  seriously.
“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”

-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Offline McG

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2015, 08:18:12 PM »
I'd read it! Haha, I wonder what an agent would do if they read this. Especially with the "It may be the last manuscript you ever reject," line. I also like the "Dagger" in "Daggerman." Nice touch.
"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers." -Charles W. Eliot

Offline Falthor

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2015, 09:21:24 PM »
if nothing else comes up I'm seriously going to take a "Stab" at this next if no one minds...
“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”

-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Offline FlyingViking

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2015, 10:23:14 PM »
I'd read it! Haha, I wonder what an agent would do if they read this. Especially with the "It may be the last manuscript you ever reject," line. I also like the "Dagger" in "Daggerman." Nice touch.

Thank you.  I'm afraid that he/she may call the FBI...  :eek:
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.

  - Leonardo da Vinci

Offline FlyingViking

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2015, 10:24:18 PM »
if nothing else comes up I'm seriously going to take a "Stab" at this next if no one minds...

Go right ahead...but query it at your own risk!   :)
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.

  - Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Xalcon

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2015, 07:50:25 AM »
I was a bit concerned and missed the Worst Query Letters tag when I saw this in my unread topics.

Offline Wordwise

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #11 on: January 12, 2017, 09:36:54 AM »
Terrorist threat?  :eek:
Steven Hutson
Literary agent

Offline GoldyGirl

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #12 on: January 12, 2017, 11:10:35 PM »
It may be the last manuscript you ever reject.

HA :rof3: Best ending to a query that I have ever read.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2017, 11:13:28 PM by GoldyGirl »
:hmm:    "We all die. The goal isn't to live forever. The goal is to create something that will." -Chuck Palahniuk

Offline FlyingViking

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #13 on: January 26, 2017, 03:51:19 PM »
Hot damn. For a 'World's Worst', this letter was pretty spectacular. Is it wrong of me to want to read the manuscript too?  ;D

Only if you're an agent!   :)
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.

  - Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Speckle

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Re: Query for DEATH OF AN AGENT
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2017, 06:23:17 AM »
 :clap:

Loved this one! I actually did laugh out loud, which is pretty rare for me.

Thanks for making my day. And I think it's a great query!